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I guess I am too
mom died two years ago. I helped handle the funeral. I didn't cry for 6mos. I haven't cried since but when someone says something awful to me, I feel numb like a robot and then have dreams of smashing their head in with a bat
posted by
wannarideher
on April 17, 2004 at 2:04 AM
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We sure dp open up our lives on this blogit network. This one was written
from your tear ducts directly to the page. I felt very guilty about being happy when a particular woman had a stroke and couldn't hurt people anymore and then died.....not an Abuelita emotion, normally. But, she hurt me when I was very young and vulnerable. That young me was happy.
posted by
benzinha
on March 31, 2004 at 1:30 AM
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Jemmie, our tears don't know right or wrong. They're just tears.
A very poignant post.
posted by
msaries
on March 30, 2004 at 7:07 PM
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I guess there is no right or wrong here. Good read.
posted by
Chaltuu
on March 30, 2004 at 10:36 AM
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JemmieSis
We are sisters in so many ways. I know exactly what you mean and what you felt. I felt very similar when Grandpa died and I will experience the same thing when a certain uncle of mine bites the big one.
posted by
CatLadyintheAttic
on March 30, 2004 at 6:12 AM
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Makes perfect sense to me. I am probably a little morbid but I sometimes
imagine what I would feel like if someone close died - whether I loved them or not. Would I cry? And if I didn't would everyone think me unfeeling and cold? Sometimes even the thought of whoever I happen to be thinking about dying brings tears to my eyes and sometimes there is nothing.
posted by
Jay9
on March 30, 2004 at 1:13 AM
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Hey, Jem-
You have nothing to feel guilty about and I hope that book (I haven't read it) gave you some insight as to all of this. The piece of shit is dead and he is reliving every action from this life in his afterlife. He is an innocent soul again and hopefully, he learned and experienced what he set out to. You, a recipient of a part of him, can take your experience as a successful "check off" on your pre-birth list of "to-do's" in this life. You are bigger, smarter, and your soul is more progressed for it all. Be proud of yourself and your strength if anything, my friend.
posted by
SpitFire70
on March 30, 2004 at 1:06 AM
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Jemmie
You have expressed this wonderfully. There is no right or wrong in these matters
posted by
beachbelle
on March 30, 2004 at 1:05 AM
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Jemmie, this was so precious. I completely understand. Please don't feel guilty. That's wrong. There are people in my life that have died too and I was relieved. Honestly, that's probably a normal human reaction under certain circumstances.
posted by
Passionflower
on March 30, 2004 at 12:51 AM
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