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Maybe she'll eventually realize,
that you're being there is the strength she needs to get outta there!
posted by
Countess_Bratula
on April 12, 2004 at 9:16 AM
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Dear Jemmie
This epidemic of abuse today wih these woman and their kids makes me literraly sick to my stomach. I also know these kind of women. And I also know there is NO HELPING them. They need to be ABUSED to stay in their comfort zone. I know it's hard to "give up" on your friend...but you must. As cruel as this may sound...forget about her and help the kids. It's not too late to stop the cycle for them.
posted by
cheap-women
on April 10, 2004 at 12:11 PM
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JEMMIE
posted by
cheap-women
on April 10, 2004 at 12:02 PM
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JEMZ??????? Hallllloooooooo, jemmie, you have me worried now.
?Donde estas, corazon? No oigo tu palpitar......
posted by
benzinha
on April 10, 2004 at 11:33 AM
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jems, is it your foot?!?!? Where ARE you?? Are you okay? 8 days,
too long, too long.
posted by
benzinha
on April 10, 2004 at 1:57 AM
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I'm sorry to hear
I wish I had some advice for you, nut sadly I don't. I am however sorry to hear about it. - the joo
posted by
The_Joo
on April 7, 2004 at 12:42 PM
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You can't help her very much, you can help the kids. If you know about the kids being abused tell social services. If you decide to help her by getting involved with social services or the department of protective srevices she will be very angry with you and if he finds out he might come after you, so be careful!
posted by
FoxyBlue
on April 3, 2004 at 7:07 PM
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Continuation of her Childhood
Your friend obviously suffered abuse from men as a child. Unfortunatly, aside from kidnapping her, there is nothing you can do except try and gently guide her to see that life can be good. Try and convince her to see a therapist. She desperately needs it to save her life.
posted by
First_Fig
on April 2, 2004 at 10:47 PM
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Makes my stomach turn to think of such situations and particularly when a child is involved. Someone has to protect that child, if the mother is not willing or able to do so herself. Thank heavens that Child Protection is getting involved! Are there any parenting classes your friend could be referred to? Although she may be good to her child herself she needs to know...in as many ways as possible...that hitting the child is wrong...she can't let that happen. And for herself...any types of support groups? You can point her in some directions and make sure protection officials are involved. Good luck....that's a tough place for you to be too!
posted by
ginnieb
on April 2, 2004 at 8:05 AM
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Your friend, whether she means to or not, is attracted to abusive men.
This is so sad. There's nothing you can do for your friend, but the young shouldn't have to suffer for her predictament. She's lucky to have a friend like you who cares enough to try to help.
posted by
msaries
on April 2, 2004 at 7:07 AM
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Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do...
I had friend who was also in a controlling, abusive relationship. She stayed for 2 years and I don't know why she stayed that long.
Sometimes it takes tough love. Maybe you should cite the child as a reason? If a woman wants to stay in an abusive relationship that's one thing, but when she exposes her infant child to it, that's another.
Get tough. Ask her if she wants her child sexually abused or dead. Cause I can guarantee it's going to come to that when the child gets older. Maybe if you wake up her maternal protective instincts, she'll wise up.
Other than that, you can keep anonymously calling the cops once a month reporting abuse just to give the man hell. 
Some people are afraid they will make it worse. What they don't understand is that it WILL get worse regardless. Short of hiring a P.I. to servail him, it's hard to catch them in the act. Abusers are very sneaky bastards...
I'm sorry for turning your comments section into my soapbox, but abusers tork me off...especially when kids are involved.
posted by
koriani
on April 2, 2004 at 6:09 AM
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Tamara99
Excellent advice........except that the little girl is only slighty over one year old!!!!!
posted by
Jemmie211
on April 1, 2004 at 11:29 PM
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Basically you cannot help her....but you can help the child. Make sure that you talk with her about what's happening, and let her know that this is NOT what love is - break the cycle of abuse, so that she doesn't end up repeating her mother's mistakes.
Tell the kid the truth - that this sucks, that you know she's in a bad situation, and that you will do what you can to get her out, but that her mother believes herself to be helpless, and that belief is self-fulfilling. That there ARE things she could do to change her life, and that - even though it seems illogical - she chooses it because it's comforting.....because it's familiar.
Let the kid know what love really looks like, and how to identify and avoid men like her mother has chosen.
--T99
posted by
Tamara99
on April 1, 2004 at 10:40 PM
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As horrible as this sounds...
you cannot make her decide to get help. You can only coach her from the sidelines and pray like crazy that she will wake up. You can give her a copy of Dr. Laura's Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives. If you ever see him hit her or the kid, you can turn him in and testify against him. But other than that, until this woman is ready to make a change, you can do nothing. It's hard; my mom went through it with me. She knew my marriage was hopeless three years before I did. But it was not until I was willing to make the change that she could act on what she had been saying, take me to the divorce lawyer, help me move out, and protect me from my ex while I made a life for myself and my kids. Be there when she's ready, and until she's ready, just hang in there with her.
posted by
editormum
on April 1, 2004 at 8:48 PM
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