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Very good and
sound advice, and I know this sounds evil, but I have no use for abusers. But if he does kill himself then the pattern of abuse ends. And what you described is the typical pattern of abuse. They beat the crap out of their wife's then they're back begging forgiveness and it seems to work, until the next time he needs something to take his anger out on. We lived a few houses down from an Indian couple in Okalhomaevery month it seemed she would show up with her face battered wanting to use the phone to call her family to come and get her.
I finally caught him in a bar one night,he walked over like he was going to shake my hand instead I proceded to pound the living out of him. When I was tired of hitting him and he was lying on the floor, I told him that, if I ever saw his wife beaten again, I wouldn't waste my energy beating him, I would just shoot his sorry ass. Don't know what ever became of them. His wife was out with her relatives at the time and after the bar incident he left the next day and neither ever came back.
posted by
Moondawg
on May 10, 2004 at 10:17 PM
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WileyCoyote
Hehe...trust me, I got my resources as well if he gets to the point where I feel the need to step in.
I've already done that with one of her ex-boyfriends. Didn't touch the guy, but scared the living daylights outta him--and me, a petite girl, at that. Just goes to show that the guy was only controlling and abusive to make himself feel bigger. When a strong woman comes along and won't take that crap he backed down pretty darn quickly!
posted by
Jemmie211
on May 10, 2004 at 9:09 PM
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Jemmie
Wondered how long it would be before he made that classic statement of the controller. As Ariala says, "played that card", so right, it's a game for him.
Hope your friend runs it through her head, learns to accept the welcome possibilty that he may solve his problem in that way.
Have a niece, Lou, yup, her man did it, offed himself and nobody else, in NJ.
You are a wonderful friend for her to have. Send her up north here to visit me and then tell the guy where she is. Some things I can still do
posted by
WileyJohn
on May 10, 2004 at 8:47 PM
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Editormum
Same here. I was afraid that the next thing I heard would be her mom telling me that J and her kids were dead. I was terrified. I am so glad to have received her email today.
BTW, did you get my email to you from last week?
posted by
Jemmie211
on May 10, 2004 at 6:34 PM
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Mean to say, glad she is wising up! urgh
posted by
Ariala
on May 10, 2004 at 6:14 PM
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Oh great, the suicide card...nothing like abuse and control. Hope she
wises up.
posted by
Ariala
on May 10, 2004 at 6:14 PM
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I'm so relieved!
Your last post had me terrified that she'd go back with him...and then the next thing we'd hear was that he'd killed her. So I am overjoyed to hear that not only did she not go back with him, but she ran away from her parents' home when he found her there. I'm praying for your friend....there's not much more I can do. Can you link her up with a local abused women's shelter where she'd be safe?
posted by
editormum
on May 10, 2004 at 6:12 PM
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At least she is smart enough to avoid him
posted by
CatLadyintheAttic
on May 10, 2004 at 6:07 PM
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