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i have experience with "PFA's"
Protection from Abuse, I did not need an attorney. I went to what is called the Women's Center. They helped to compose paperwork and oh yeah, provided an attorney *that I shook hands with before the hearing.
Jemmie, you seem on the right track.
posted by
EccentricShock
on May 12, 2004 at 2:13 PM
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Jems, your friend needs two, maybe three, things....
- She needs to get a good attorney who can guide her through the filing of restraining orders and other legal paperwork. Take it from me---I got what I wanted in the divorce settlement with my ex, and I continue to get "my way" in the ongoing visitation and child support issues, because I hired an attorney to represent me. He tells me when to be where, what to say and what to shut up about, and what orders need to be filed. He files them for me. My ex didn't hire an attorney, so he is basically unrepresented in the legal system. Help your friend do some research--your local abused women's shelter or CASA (court-appointed special advocate) group may be albe to provide some good leads.
- She needs to find a safe place to take her children and get away from this man. If she's claiming that he's dangerous, but he can show that she keeps returning to him, then she may break the legs off of her own case. Especially if she is going to protect her kids from continuing abuse. (I'm not going to get started on the examples you gave of what he does to these kids. I just plain won't go there....) She should also know that if something happens to one of the kids and she cannot show that she has tried to protect them from his abuse, she might be cited as an accessory.
- She may need money to put a lawyer on retainer and set up housekeeping in a safe spot. I am forever grateful to the people who put up money for my legal retainers and who helped me keep bills paid and a safe roof over my and my kids' heads when I went through the divorce.
Some things she needs to think about:
- Financial affairs. If she isn't savvy and doesn't get good counsel, her ex can close her out of their joint accounts and screw up her credit. She needs to ask her attorney what she ought to do about joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc.
- Source of income. If she's leaving him, either temporarily or permanently, she's going to have to find a way to provide for the needs of her kids and herself. Some guys "get back" at their "errant wife" by withholding support. It takes a while for support orders to wend their way through the system. She'll need to find at least a part-time job, and she will need help budgeting and arranging for child care.
- Personal effects. She may need to have someone escort her to the family home so that she can remove her personal belongings (clothes, pre-marital belongings--within reason, etc.) without being in danger. This sort of thing is usually arranged through the courts.
posted by
editormum
on May 12, 2004 at 8:24 AM
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You're a great friend to be helping out like this. Got to watch your own back too. Just in case someone makes you a scapegoat in this domestic issue.
Thanks for replying about resources for Hawaii job industry. I had some idea it would be tough. The warm climate is good- less living expenses for heating, winter clothing etc. I guess other things are more expensive than the mainland due to the cost of importing the goods to the islands.
About my photos posted- yes, I agree some were too fleshy. I'm changing & re-inventing the blogs time to time. Thanks for your constructive comments. Best wishes.
posted by
mariantonia
on May 12, 2004 at 5:01 AM
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Also, make sure she keeps a copy of the order close at hand, because the first thing we ask is, do you have a copy of the order. We review the order, and check for expiration dates and notarizations, etc.
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on May 12, 2004 at 3:39 AM
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Restraining Orders
Here I go, revealing more of myself than I intended to. I guess I may just go ahead and update my profile, too.
I am an urban police officer, so I have a bit of knowledge on the matter, at least how things are done in OHIO. I did not want to divulge my profession, because when I work I am a cop first and a woman second, but when I am off, I am a woman first and a cop second. A lot of cops are a**holes, and don't I know it! They forget that they were civilians before they were given the Power of Authority.
Anyway, please don't judge me by my vocation, because my co-workers generally ridicule me b/c they think I am too nice to people, and the other night I even made the call to the insurance company for an 82 year-old woman who had no idea what to do, and initiated her claim for her. On the other hand, we all have our mooments, and sometimes I can be quite the jerk, too! I also know some very sincere, dedicated, wonderful people that really want to help, serve, and protect our community. Some of us are pretty kool!
ANYWAY, to answer your question (finally), a RESTRAINING ORDER is something that must be obtained from a private attorney. If it is violated, then that person can be arrested, and/or you can take them to court, like they do on TV court. There is also such a thing as a PROTECTION ORDER, which is issued by the courts. A temporary protection order protects the victim while the case is pending in court. A civil protection order is valid for I think two years after the case is adjudicated.
IMPORTANT THINGS TO BEAR IN MIND:
*THE OTHER PARTY MUST BE INFORMED THAT THERE IS AN ORDER OUT AGAINST THEM, THUS THEY ARE KNOWINGLY IN VIOLATION;
*IF THE POLICE ARE CALLED, WE STILL HAVE TO CATCH THEM IN ORDER TO ARREST; OTHERWISE, WE CAN DO A "NAMED SUSPECT REPORT" AND SEND YOU BACK TO THE PROSECUTOR TO GET A WARRANT ISSUED;
*MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE SAD REALITY IS THAT THIS IS NOT A MAGICAL FORCEFIELD. THIS IS A PIECE OF PAPER! IT WILL PROTECT YOU SOMEWHAT AND PROVIDE YOU WITH MUCH LEGAL AMMUNITION, BUT JUST ASK ANY DEAD VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHO FLED HER ABUSER, AND ASK HER FAMILY, HOW MUCH DID THAT PAPER HELP. (Well, at least in addition to murder he was also charged with violating a protection order.)
*****I am not discouraging you from getting the restraining order, just advising you that it does not have magical properties that ensure you will be left alone!
GOOD LUCK!!!!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on May 12, 2004 at 3:36 AM
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