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That's the age-old answer to the age-old question, Jem
Women often stay because they fear they'll get it ten times worse - or maybe even be killed - if they leave. Unfortunately, it's a realistic fear most of the time. I just wrote about it, a bit, too.
posted by
kidnykid
on May 18, 2004 at 11:48 AM
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How Schatz? I'll tell you How
because you know that if you let anyone know, any inkling that this man mistreats you, any intimation to anyone that you didn't get that injury by falling down the stairs or running into a door or whatever, and it gets back to your man (and it always does, somehow) then you're in for ten times worse. You steel your spine from pride and fear. Pride says "I won't let anyone pity me. I can take it." Fear says "If anyone finds out and confronts him, I'm a dead woman."
posted by
editormum
on May 18, 2004 at 7:02 AM
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Jemmie, Please don't let this hurt you!! I know, it's impossible not to,
but you have to give this one to God. He has the strength to bear it, always.
I worked at a head start where there was a little boy, K, and I loved this kid, even though he was so damaged, most people couldn't stand him. I saw his mom once walking down the hall, and I am not exaggerating, half her face, one whole side, SOLID purple, like nothing I have ever seen. There were two babies also, and one day while filling in in the nursery for a few weeks to cover a shortage I saw the littlest, a tiny guy, maybe 6 months old, blood on his sock, and we counted the days that bloody sock was on him. 3 days straight without a change. Sometimes I still get queasy thinking about them.
Here's the amazing thing...walking down that hall that day, with all of us gasping, it literally took your breath away to see it, all of us talking about her, she walked like she had a steel spine, and held her head up so high. How? I will never understand.
posted by
Schatz
on May 17, 2004 at 4:43 PM
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Abuelita
I sent the paragraph in which you mentioned losing a woman and her babies to my friend. I hope it helps her to see that she should not go back.
posted by
Jemmie211
on May 17, 2004 at 11:08 AM
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jems, my girlfriends always went back, needing a man in their lives.
They don't know what to do with "alone". They need a man to rescue them from being alone and the 'known' appears better than the unknown, especially when he appears to be so contrite and they all are 'so contrite' until they get you back inside the house and remember to be pissed about your having left them and returned.
We just lost a woman here in town to this and her babies, too. It is beyond scary and you just want to tie them up and mail them to some faraway island with no email and telephones to betray their fears of loneliness, until they can learn to survive alone and get back their personal belief in their own strength.
Peace be unto you, take deep breaths and pray, along with us all, for her self esteem to return and save her from herself and her choices. I am so sorry.
posted by
benzinha
on May 17, 2004 at 11:04 AM
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