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jems, I think that it's universal, feeling like a child in a grown up world
even into your twenties and early thirties. I prayed that it would stop and wondered how others learned to believe in themselves and be the grown up and not the kid. I found, that for me, it involved the passage of time, the making a list of scary things and doing them.....like dancing and laughing and acting the fool stone cold sober....then doing it twice.
I always hate American parties because the Americans have to drink so much to get up the courage to just dance and have fun.....while really cool, great music is going by and wasted on them. I want to dance right off, just get up and dance, so I do.
I ignore and embrace the idea that 'everyone is looking at me' and just joyously dance early and long and have a great time. It took practice, lots of it, Xena the Warrior Training, I would now call it. I just told myself that I was this fearless woman and became her by practicing the skills often. It was scary and painful in the beginning.
Do scary things, differently each time until the 'scary' part leaves you, and it will. I also feared public speaking and I'm great at it now. I started with elementary school classes first, a less judgemental audience, tho' my kids rolled their eyes the whole time, their classmates found me a 'cool and interesting' speaker and told me so. Then, onto the junior high level. I spoke about careers and was a chimney sweep at the time. Ever upward into strength.
posted by
benzinha
on May 18, 2004 at 11:07 AM
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Jemmie
My therapist and I were talking the other day and I was telling her that at 16 I was still afraid of the dark. I was afraid of EVERYTHING! Then I woke up one fine day and said, "Fuck this!! I am missing out on life because of my fears!" And quite literally now, I have fears, but they are based in reality and not psychosis.
I too had an extremely verbally abusive mom. I believe part of where the fear is coming from is that they tell you over and over and over how stupid, worthless, cheap, dirty, weak, lazy, ignorant, no-good and selfish you are, and unless you find the tape you made containing all that FUCKING TRASH and get rid of it, it will haunt you for ever and ever. Nope, not me. Now I ain't scared of shit. I'm still shy in bed, but only with men. Now that I'm married I've gotten over it a lot. My husband doesn't seem to mind. I always ask him if the sex is as good for him as it is for me, and he always says yes, so I trust him.
Come out of your shell and meet yourself...you'll probably like you as much as I do 
posted by
Schatz
on May 17, 2004 at 11:02 PM
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Jem,
I understand what you're saying and I do agree with WileyC, but I also believe that after a few drinks, your subconscious mind can reveal a lot more than your conscious mind will. Listen to it. If you can, after a few different times after drinking, write down your feelings at the time, then read them when completely sober. You may discover a pattern and therefore get more insight into an underlying problem(s) that you may not be consciously aware of.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 17, 2004 at 10:51 PM
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Jemmie
try doing something, anything different, dead cold sober!! Then do it again!!!And again!! like that, and you will build up love for yourself, and pride for yourself, and build up your self-esteem. Luv ya kiddo
posted by
WileyJohn
on May 17, 2004 at 10:20 PM
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Jemmie:::It was most likely your upbringing. Parents teach their little girls to be scared of everything--boys, kissing, sex, walking the neighborhood at night, you name it. They're scared some pervert will kidnap and kill them so they do it for their own protection but it also cripples you as an adult from being able to live your life without fear.
posted by
Passionflower
on May 17, 2004 at 10:18 PM
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Jemmie:::It was most likely your upbringing. Parents teach their little girls to be scared of everything--boys, kissing, sex, walking the neighborhood at night, you name it. They're scared some pervert will kidnap and kill them so they do it for their own protection but it also cripples you as an adult from being able to live your life without fear.
posted by
Passionflower
on May 17, 2004 at 10:18 PM
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