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Bullies
Bullies who persist in it do so because it works for them. The ones who cme around are the one with "soft middles". Some bullies do so because they have an inability to realize that society can't afford them, and that perceived slights and attacks are not what they seem (sorta schizophrenic).
The empiric way to sort these two out is to step on the bully's toes, at the earliest part of their life as possible, look down into his eyes (you have to be physically superior when they are young), and pull a John Wayne (" I expect to be treated with respect and no one puts a hand on me" or some such), and if the threshold rises, prove to them that physical violence won't do it either. You might need to recruit someone bigger than the bully to do this. Then you watch your back and help him or her back on their feet as it were. If they straighten up, then they might come around. If they revert or try to backshoot you, then you have a nutcase on your hands.
Or a kid whose parents will tell him everything's ok and the world is out to get him...false self confidence.
I work with a population which has a high population of bullies and the reason you don't see the worst ones is that they wind up incarcerated.
posted by
majroj
on April 20, 2003 at 6:01 AM
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Self-Esteem
I think self-esteem is important, but it should not be a false self-esteem, if that makes sense. In other words, if a child does something praiseworthy, they should receive praise. They should be put in positions which allow them to succeed, thereby building self-esteem. At the same time, allowing a child to pass from grade to grade believing he is earning his way when he isn't is preparing him for failure. Or not challenging him enough and allowing him to believe he is doing his best simply because he is being ask to give less than what he is capable, while it may help build self-esteem, also teaches him he does not have give things his best effort. It is a precarious balancing act.
As far as bullies go, depending on the source, it is believed the reason bullies bully is because they too lack self-esteem and can only make themselves feel better by bringing people down to their level.
Thanks for writing this blog. You brought out some very good thoughts.
posted by
Whim
on April 20, 2003 at 5:16 AM
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VERY GOOD POST THAT WAS...
That hit quite close to home. Living in a bad area of town and my parents having little money and not even having a car, I felt out of place when I went to a Grammar School. I always got the inferior feeling because that's how I was made to feel by the majority of pupils and even teachers. For some reason, I thought lifting weights would give me a chance to make people think more of me. It worked and I became a more confident person. But, I still hold a grudge against people who think they are better than everyone else. In an attempt to show those people that they're not better than everyone, I become like them myself.
Sorry for going on and on...
posted by
chris2303
on April 20, 2003 at 5:12 AM
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