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Mark:::Sorry I disappointed you. I went out last nite and ate some really 'bad' fast food hoping to rec-tum-fy the situation. I should be able to shit-on-demand today! Thanks for the encouragement!! I would really like my electrical stimulation now too, please!
posted by
Passionflower
on July 14, 2004 at 2:47 AM
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i'm ready for my closeup massage, Dr. Lector...
posted by
Reservoir_Writer
on July 13, 2004 at 2:03 PM
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Passionflower ~ Thanks for the pee updates. However, I'm a little disappointed in the 'shit down the legs' thing. I dedicated three entire posts to self-defacation preservation. Presumably, you haven't practiced. What do you think, you'd just figure out how to drop-and-shit in public at the last minute? You gotta be able to do it without thinking.
Proper preparation prevents poor performance. Now, get out there and practice...you can do it!
posted by
mark2556
on July 13, 2004 at 8:41 AM
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Mark:::Your comments are priceless. I'm feeling like my old self again. I've been enjoying my own version of the Underground Sewage Experience here in Detroit. I've never seen so many basements flooded with sewer back up. It's not a pretty sight but I do feel Chris would love the job!!!
posted by
Passionflower
on July 12, 2004 at 10:23 PM
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Mark:::Your comments are priceless. I'm feeling like my old self again. I've been enjoying my own version of the Underground Sewage Experience here in Detroit. I've never seen so many basements flooded with sewer back up. It's not a pretty sight but I do feel Chris would love the job!!!
posted by
Passionflower
on July 12, 2004 at 10:23 PM
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Mark::::I laughed till I cried on this one. I think you may be self-medicating a little too much. Ease up, man! Incidentally, since you've been monitoring my peeing habits, things have definitely improved.
- 9:28 a.m. Eastern Standard Time--Peed at filthy McDonald's in Detroit ghetto area
- 9:44 a.m. Accosted by strange smelly homeless guy in parking lot
- 9:49 a.m. Shit down both legs
See! I peed and had a bowel movement. Be sure and tell Chris2303 too. I know he cares about shit like this!
posted by
Passionflower
on July 12, 2004 at 10:15 PM
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StrickGold ~ Thanks, but it wasn't too difficult...just walk around the facility with a camera and a dart gun.
posted by
mark2556
on July 11, 2004 at 4:17 PM
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What a Greeat Post
Very Creative and unique. Awesome Good Work
posted by
StrickGold
on July 11, 2004 at 4:13 PM
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Toony ~ Cushy comfort...and with our current off-season rates, surprisingly affordable!
posted by
mark2556
on July 11, 2004 at 3:55 PM
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HAHAHA!! That was FANTASTIC!!!
I especially LOVED the luxury suites
such comfort....
posted by
Tanoolicious
on July 11, 2004 at 3:40 PM
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Oh, my...rough stuff. Sweeeet. Anyway, I'll try. the bursts of genius don't happen very often for me...could be another, oh, millenium or so, but I'll work on it.
posted by
mark2556
on July 8, 2004 at 6:18 PM
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Mark! Don't make me have to come back here again--post
something new dammit!
And btw, how is the stun-gun recharge going?? If you are bored tonight, visit me at:
I've been slandered, satirized and now plagiarized. It's got to end!! Shadow and I may have naked pillow fights. You're welcome to join us.
posted by
Julia.
on July 8, 2004 at 5:16 PM
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Sir Mark,
In my opinion you would look hot in any outfit, any situation, and that would include being strapped down and covered in swamp water. Girls would flock at your side to rescue you or well, whatever they could get away with. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 7, 2004 at 9:16 AM
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Exactly who do you think is photographed in the Specialized Cushioned Comfort Chamber?? I find it quite relaxing. Sorta sexy, too...I look hot in black.
posted by
mark2556
on July 7, 2004 at 9:10 AM
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Mariantonia ~ Thanks for stopping by the clinic! Grab a Xanax mint on the way out ~
posted by
mark2556
on July 7, 2004 at 6:46 AM
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Very funny.
posted by
mariantonia
on July 7, 2004 at 12:11 AM
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RW ~ I'll check with Doc Lector. He's our dietary specialist and after-hours receptionist.
Play ball!
posted by
mark2556
on July 6, 2004 at 9:20 PM
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Hannibal Lector's boyfriend/last meal - possible massage therapist?
whoa, I need to get myself checked in right away. Can I have a massage by your specialist that looks like Hannibal Lector's boyfriend/last meal?
P.S. Baseball IS the only religion.
posted by
Reservoir_Writer
on July 6, 2004 at 8:45 PM
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LOL
posted by
Ca88andra
on July 6, 2004 at 6:19 PM
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The Swedish blondes were undercover agents? I thought they seemed a bit too "eager". Damn, now I've gotta dump a couple more bod....containers...out in the 'Glades.
God...I used to be a writer. And now? I'm so ashamed. Well, not really. However, I'll take a quick 30-minute electro-massage to get back on track.
posted by
mark2556
on July 6, 2004 at 4:03 PM
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You've been exposed!
Undercover agents recently infiltrated the 'luxurious' accommodation and have found that blogging unfair play is at hand. While visitors relax for 4-12 weeks they are brainwashed into thinking mark2556 is king of blogging. They return to blogit, eager to read and to post but all they can do is click on mark2556. His rankings have already improved due to this faciltity and there is a buzz around his entrepeneurial skills - but foul play is afoot!
posted by
littlemspickles
on July 6, 2004 at 3:57 PM
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Hooray! Now I can get out of this shit and start a fresh...
posted by
chris2303
on July 6, 2004 at 11:32 AM
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Chris ~ Yes, of course! Qualifying guests receive three free rides on our all-new
Underground Aromatherapy & Sewage Treatment Experience. Breath-taking thrills!
posted by
mark2556
on July 6, 2004 at 11:29 AM
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mark
Is there any discount for those of us who have slept with the manager and/or his pets?
posted by
chris2303
on July 6, 2004 at 12:43 AM
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Sir Mark,
ROFL. That's a good one for sure and you are so right. Guess I will still fit in want I if I have to kinda keep rolling on the floor? Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 8:15 PM
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Shadow ~ Let's not get carried away...modern medicine has come a long way, but there's not enough voltage here in the Northern Hemisphere to jolt anyone all the way to
upstanding Blogit citizen. Right now we're settling for standing up. Maybe with a walker.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 8:12 PM
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Sir Mark,
You are such my hero. I will most gladly place myself in your capable hands to have treatment and again be a upstanding citizen to the blogit community. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 8:01 PM
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Shadow ~ That's right. I didn't send away for my Doctor of Divinity degree for no reason!
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:57 PM
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Sir Mark,
As long as you are the doctor I have no worries about my sanity or my physical demise. LOL Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:54 PM
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Shadow ~ After 4 to six weeks of treatment, you'll be downright drooling with happiness. Or your money back!
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:52 PM
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Quirky ~ Thank YOU. I would've found them eventually, I don't think.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:52 PM
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Mark, I'm feeling better now. Thank you for fixing the typos, sorry
for my anal-retentiveness but once an editor always an editor, as they say...
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2004 at 7:48 PM
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Sir Mark,
I love to fly, probably need an extra strength jacket to go along with the trip. Please Sir Mark, make me well or at least semi-happy. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:48 PM
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Shadow ~ It's gut-check time, baby. You need help. There's a room still available here. Do you need to be airlifted? Leather or plexi-steel restraints?
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:43 PM
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The snakes aren't a big worry...you sorta blow up like a zeppelin for a day or two, but death is pretty rare. Well, at least from the snake-bite. Laing around the 'Glades like an over-bloated turkey sorta attracts...uh, alligators.
I think the trick is to keep the airboat buzzing along at 60 mph or better.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:40 PM
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Ooops wrong post. I'm going to have to cut somewhere I'm losing it. Four posts and one e-mail chat is too much. Who wants their comments cut? Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:39 PM
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Sir Mark,
Sweetie, glad to be of help. Now about those poison (hey spelled it right this time) snakes. LOL Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:36 PM
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I thought it might be roses in bloom, a popular decorator scheme at Betty
Ford Reducing Spa. Do you think Kracken smiles all the time because he's cracked, or because he is thinking of Ariala.
posted by
scriber
on July 5, 2004 at 7:36 PM
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Temple, LOL
posted by
Ariala
on July 5, 2004 at 7:35 PM
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y'all have flipped your gidget!
posted by
Temple
on July 5, 2004 at 7:34 PM
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Shadow ~ Thanks for the claification...I thought it was another pesky squirrel.
These guys are pretty common around here, y'know. Not too bright, but they sure are quick when thy're pisses off!
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:34 PM
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Sir Mark,
That's an alligator! Damn that doesn't look like the ones I see on the road! Heck its not even black and it has teeth! This truck driver isn't familar with that type. Are you sure that's an alligator? Man, does that thing eat people? LOL Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:31 PM
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Scriber ~ Thanks, but that's not blood...it's feces. No sense quibbling over details in the sales pamphlet, though.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:30 PM
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Looks like my ex boyfriend
posted by
Ariala
on July 5, 2004 at 7:29 PM
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Shadow ~ There's no such thing as a poison alligator, silly.
See? No venom sacs. Completely harmless.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:27 PM
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Scribe,
That's left overs from the vampbloggers. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:19 PM
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Sir Mark,
Can I have Quirky in my room with me? I'm kinda scared of the dark, don't like snakes either. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:16 PM
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Nice decoration scheme. Lovely shade of blood.
posted by
scriber
on July 5, 2004 at 7:16 PM
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Spell check poison. Damn that Scriber, knocked me off my role here. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:15 PM
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Sir Mark,
Everglades? Now I'm not going to have to deal with poision snakes and alligators am I? Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:14 PM
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The record is 14 people in one room, but it kinda doesn't count because only 8 of them survived. Dang, it gets hot in the Everglades!
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:12 PM
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Sir Mark,
Sounds like my kinda vacation spot. Oh, by the way how many people to a room? I'm not too shy, but my limit is three. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:07 PM
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Shadow ~ Each suite is set up with fake cardboard computers wth the Blogit comments page crayoned in. It's basically the same, especially after you're here for twenty minutes.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 7:01 PM
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Sir Mark,
Hey rifle, damn that's the fast way to medicate or is that midicate? Don't know that hospital jargon. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 7:00 PM
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We have sheets?
Actually, that's a photograph of the director's quarters. We couldn't get any of the patients out of their suites prior to posting this. Bastards jump around like spider-monkeys when they see the tranquilizer rifle.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 6:58 PM
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Mark...This is what you get for calling me ham handed
ISLOLATED
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2004 at 6:56 PM
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Sir Mark,
Do we have to go without blogit? If that's the case, then maybe I better get a refund. Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 6:55 PM
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Whoop! Damn ham-handed editors! Nope, no need for a freaking SPELL-CHECK here.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 6:53 PM
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Sir Mark,
As long as the sheets were cleaned from last patient, I'm booking. Need those clean white sheets for sure. Oh and a fluffy pillow. LOL Shadow
posted by
Keshet
on July 5, 2004 at 6:53 PM
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Shock! You've made me shudder again, stop that!
Oh and by the way what is
SELF-MIDICATION? meds meds meds, got to have me meds.
posted by
Julia.
on July 5, 2004 at 6:52 PM
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We find that post-treatment guests LOVE to fiddle with buttons. Keeps them occupied for days, and they generally forget about being hungry, which is a real cost-saver.
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 6:51 PM
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LOL, a jar full of buttons?
posted by
Ariala
on July 5, 2004 at 6:47 PM
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Sure...you want one with a view of the...well, shit, there aren't any windows.
However, you'll get a complimentary jar full of buttons to stare at. Yup, no charge!
posted by
mark2556
on July 5, 2004 at 6:40 PM
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hahahahahahaha...book me a suite right away!
posted by
Ariala
on July 5, 2004 at 6:11 PM
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