must look into them. As you can see by your responses here, more people have empathy for you than you thought.
...thinking about you.
And I understand, more than you might think.
>
D x
posted by
DamonLeigh
on December 27, 2004 at 9:48 AM
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I used to do that too, quite a few years ago. Now I have some
scars that remind me of that time... All in all, it was a dark time...
One of the ways that I got past it, was through writing. You know how they say that the pen is mightier than the sword? Well, it is, because you can cut deep into your soul with it, and whatch what oozes out.
I still do that with my writing. We all have things in us that would be best if they came out. So go ahead, don't be afraid to let those things come out with pen and paper (or keyboard :-) )... I'll be reading... take care...
posted by
void-is
on December 27, 2004 at 9:33 AM
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I understand....I use to cut myself to take away pain
but I am left with many horrible scars on my arms...it became something I would do all the time and not really think about it until my friend saw the state of my arms and I confessed to her.....I learned that the reason I was donig it was to punish myself for hurting and not moving on and i liked the power.....I then became strong enough to realise that I had the power by controlling myself not to do it....and I have not done it for years now!
the are many good wesites that can help you....and editormums advice was excellent...but if you ever want to talk...you know where I am....
posted by
_Symphony_
on December 27, 2004 at 6:07 AM
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hope today's better for you
Everybody's different when it comes to what consoles and brings healing. I know in my darkest times, when I've felt most alone and no one has been able to say anything helpful, nature has been my touchstone for some peace and sanity. I hope you find your way to some kind of touchstone. xx
posted by
robdon67
on December 26, 2004 at 9:20 PM
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Hugs from TN
Girl, I can't do anything but send you a cyber hug. And offer you a bit of "mom" wisdom that you will probably hate me for, but I'm gonna say it anyway, because I love you. And after I say it, I'm gonna spend a little time praying for you.
Cutting yourself is not gonna help. Now it's gonna hurt when you have to write and type and do all the stuff you have to do to find a job. NO MORE CUTTING. Your dad would NOT be pleased to look down from Heaven and see his little girl cutting on herself ... even if he knew it was because she missed him SO damn much. Your dad would be crying his eyes out.
Now, I KNOW that is not what you want. Okay. You miss your dad dreadfully. Stop trying to deaden that pain by making yourself hurt somewhere else. Think about it. What would make your dad happiest in the whole world? If he could look down from Heaven and know that his little girl is gonna be OKAY. Because he taught her to be strong and how to get where she needs to be in life.
So get up in the morning and look up to Heaven and say, "Daddy, today I am going to make you proud of me. I am going to go and really work hard to try to find a good job that will support me well and help me create a secure future. I love you, Daddy, and I miss you, but I know you can see me, and I am going to make you proud."
Doing that will honour your dad more than any wreath laying, or memorial service, or anything else, because it will show the world that your dad was a great parent who taught his girl to be a strong and courageous woman, even when life was trying to beat her down.
Now, I'm off to pray. You get a good night's sleep so you'll be ready to tackle Hell itself tomorrow if you have to. 
posted by
editormum
on December 26, 2004 at 7:09 PM
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I cut myself today
to see if I still feel
i focused on the pain
the only thing's that real
posted by
fwmystic
on December 26, 2004 at 6:02 PM
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Jems, first of all,
I do know you. Ha ha! So, that gives me the right to say anything I wanna!! Listen, you'd kill me if I posted this. There are other methods of treatment through the county. You don't have to pay. That's why we pay taxes! Take advantage of some programs. You can open your phone book to the first few pages and I bet you'll find help right now. Also, do a Google search. You better still be taking your meds. (I can't talk, I forget to take mine like every few days) Are you cutting now to try to feel something you're lacking to feel in reality? Analyze WHY you're cutting, WHAT you're thinking right before, during and after you cut. Ask yourself what it is you're seeking to feel. 
posted by
SpitFire70
on December 26, 2004 at 4:38 PM
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Jemmie::::I understand how you feel--at least I think I do. Sometimes I feel that way too, like feeling pain is better than feeling nothing. Except instead of cutting myself, I drink too much so I don't feel anything at all. There are lots of things about me too that I wouldn't want my Blogit family to know. Everyone around here thinks I'm a sweet person and truly I guess down deep, I am. But boy! I do a whole lotta shit that wouldn't get me any favorable reviews.
I wish I knew what to say to you to make you all better. All I know is that you're a wonderful person, worthy of love and success and happiness. If you want to talk, email me and I'll send you my cell phone #. Annella28@sbcglobal.net
posted by
Passionflower
on December 26, 2004 at 3:42 PM
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Jemmie - I don't really know how to help you from here. But, I just read the whole first page of your blog that is wonderful quotes. It would help me if I were really low, to re-read all those great quotes but also to search for more. To spend hours and hours finding and reading and posting wonderful uplifting quotes. It would help me because I would be filling my mind with good thoughts and prayers of very wise people. If one's mind is filled with good things, it is hard to find room for depressing things.
posted by
TAPS.
on December 26, 2004 at 3:30 PM
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