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Your ex best friend taught you a painful lesson....
She was one of the most important people in your young life and she taught you that sometimes you can't even trust those you love. Life is not fair... and that will hurt you till the day you stop breathing. Betrayal hurts and it seems, in your case, the betrayal does not hurt half as much as the thought of how your relationship would have been were it not for her betrayal. You lost a ring, a friend, your trust in her and the security and comfort of what you thought was a solid relationship. Look at the memory of her birthday as just a reminder to pick your friends more carefully.
And by the way, you are a nice person and compassionate as well if you cared enough to be concerned with her after the still birth.
Mike's Goddess
posted by
mikes_goddess
on January 22, 2005 at 6:06 PM
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some closure
I think it would be worthwhile to bring some closure to this part of your past. She has betrayed you and that has had a lingering effect. I agree, it's very unlikely that she still has the ring, but who knows? It could have been stuck away somewhere.
I believe it would be worthwhile to write a letter, asking for the ring back. Tell her how much it hurt you to have her betray you and that you hope after all this time, she will do the right thing and return it. If she doesn't have it, ask her what she did with it (if it's flushed, you have no chance to get it back, but if she found it years later in a box and gave it to a niece or something, there is still a chance).
You could also tell her that there is no hope of reviving a friendship, it is irrevocably broken because of her actions.
Three things could happen - you get an apology from someone who behaved horribly when you were young and she scours old boxes and sends you the ring or she does nothing, which means you can put the memory of her where it truly belongs - in the not worth the energy file.
posted by
DivineDiva
on January 22, 2005 at 6:53 AM
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You'll always have the memories but
you must move on.. ,maybe she learned her lesson the hard way by losing you as a friend
posted by
StrickGold
on January 21, 2005 at 4:18 PM
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fwmystic
Believe me, I tell myself that very thing all the time! And I kick myself for saying anything to her about the ring before I had the chance to snatch it back.
posted by
Jemmie211
on January 21, 2005 at 4:02 PM
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Runs At Dawn
Thanks! I just wish I could forget it all. Whenever I think of her on her birthday, all the memories come flooding back.
posted by
Jemmie211
on January 21, 2005 at 4:01 PM
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shoulda taken the ring ...
when she took it off her finger
posted by
fwmystic
on January 21, 2005 at 12:05 PM
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How horrible!
It is natural, as human beings with memory to remember little things like that. I am sorry for what happened!
posted by
Runs_at_dawn
on January 21, 2005 at 12:03 PM
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Whammie
I highly doubt I'll ever get the ring back. Eighth grade was a LONG time ago. She may not even have the ring herself anymore. Who knows, maybe she even threw it away the day I discovered she had it. Although, my gut feeling is that she flushed it that day. Right after I discovered it, she went into the bathroom. When she came out she didn't have the ring anymore. When I went into the bathroom to puke, I searched for the ring and couldn't find it anywhere.
posted by
Jemmie211
on January 21, 2005 at 11:30 AM
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Jemmie,
Why? Because the love you have for her was and is genuine, as is your feeling of betrayal. Even if you manage to salvage the relationship, it will never be the same. If you cannot talk to her, then maybe a letter? But if you hope to get the ring back, which still may not happen, be honest but not too caustic. Good luck!
posted by
WHAMENATOR
on January 21, 2005 at 11:27 AM
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JJ
I am certain. Believe me, I went through the whole situation with a fine-toothed comb. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Thought that maybe she did have a boyfriend (even though just a couple of days earlier she told me she didn't), thought maybe the ring just looked like mine (though when I finally told my grams what had happened she said that my grandpa had the ring specially made--that it was a one-of-a-kind). I tried to give my friend every opportunity out. She didn't take any of the opportunities.
I'm sad the friendship is over. But I know that even if she gave the ring back today, I could never trust her again.
posted by
Jemmie211
on January 21, 2005 at 11:23 AM
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Be absolutely certain....
That isn't always easy, but sometimes emotions distort logic. You don't have to agree with me. I certainly don't know the situation like you do, but just be absolutely certain that you aren't making a mistake. Grit your teeth, shove emotions out of any influence upon reason, and re-think. Don't be sure you are right, be SURE you are right.
And don't tell yourself you don't care. The fact that you wrote about it proves that you do.
JJ
posted by
Jack_Flash
on January 21, 2005 at 11:10 AM
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