Go to Poetry: Gravely Poetic
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MiaElla, I hope it's not too late...
I have been lazy about reading, so I just got to this. First, sorry about your brother. I think this poem is beautiful. Did you ask Ariala about it, or has she commented already? She knows a lot about poetry. She'd tell you you don't need to capitalize every line, but in my school textbooks poetry was capitalized at every line, so I don't know.
For Wakely
My little girl, please don’t cry
Although my time on earth was young, how about "short" instead of "young"?
For I have loved you always do you really need "for"?
And although I am gone, I love you still
For you are every bit a part of me
And the only joy I’ve known
My perfect creation, my princess
I was born to be your father, born
To teach you love and happiness
In which I never faltered, but hoped
That you would carry my gift
In your heart for all eternity suggest just write "eternity", because eternity includes "all" as in all time
For there was never a father
Who loved his daughter more
Or who was as blessed as me "me" should be "I am," "Or who was as blessed as I am."
Very nice poem, very thoughtful.
posted by
Dyl_Pickle
on February 22, 2005 at 6:50 PM
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Mia, thank you, hope you feel better. Hugs, sue
posted by
Star5_
on February 22, 2005 at 10:09 AM
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9457sue
So very beautiful...
Thank you.
posted by
MiaElla
on February 22, 2005 at 10:06 AM
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Mia, it is touching......
Dear Walkey,
Every word you say,
Every step you take,
Every smile you share
I see from here.......
My little darling
You are always my tresure
You are always my dream
Every where you shine
Every where you accomplish
Daddy will see you from here
And remeber I am with you
In every breeze hugs you
I share the joy......
I am here watching over you.
posted by
Star5_
on February 22, 2005 at 10:04 AM
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Mia,
Yours is very nice and I see you have quite a few suggestions...I do like the idea of personalizing it...
posted by
Original_Influence
on February 19, 2005 at 6:43 PM
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Mia, you've gotten some great input here, so I feel sufficiently intimidated by all the great poets. My best to you, though.
posted by
Julia.
on February 19, 2005 at 6:43 PM
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For Wakely
For a while,
My Child,
you will not see me in the house
But you will feel me in your heart
And know
that though
I cannot hold your hand in mine
In spirit, I 'll be always near:
I am not gone
For Life goes on...
posted by
Ciel
on February 19, 2005 at 4:53 PM
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my little girl Wakely
look up to the stars
daddy now is a shimmer
a twinkle in the sky
lovely woman Wakely
look up to the stars
father is still a here
a glimmer behind your eyes
I suck at this. Feel free to cannibalize if there's anything there...
posted by
void-is
on February 19, 2005 at 10:25 AM
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many suggestions you have here
posted by
_Symphony_
on February 19, 2005 at 9:18 AM
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Mia, Very touching. Brought tears.
posted by
EccentricShock
on February 19, 2005 at 7:15 AM
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ofcourse i dont mind 
Good luck! I think youre doing something beautiful that will always be treasured
posted by
Tanoolicious
on February 18, 2005 at 5:57 PM
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Mia
not too far....lol Just across the country
posted by
ladyofshalott
on February 18, 2005 at 5:55 PM
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tanoo
For me, yes...I love sappy. I'm going to print it out and frame it with his pictures (if you don't mind).
But I'm trying to write it in his voice, which is difficult....he could never say "I love you" and definitely wasn't down w/ kisses.
posted by
MiaElla
on February 18, 2005 at 5:53 PM
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lady
Yes, dogs bark with me
....my brother used to sigh and tell me to shut up...haha
for some odd reason his daughter is the only person in the universe that likes my singing.
I now sing only for her.
I'll have to come and hear you sing...how far is NM from nothern florida?
posted by
MiaElla
on February 18, 2005 at 5:51 PM
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MiaElla--maybe you can use a line or two, if so, very nice. Hope i have
helped a little. love frank.
posted by
scriber
on February 18, 2005 at 5:50 PM
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Voyager
Thank you
posted by
MiaElla
on February 18, 2005 at 5:48 PM
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scriber,
I see where you are going with this...makes it more personal
posted by
MiaElla
on February 18, 2005 at 5:47 PM
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Ariala
She's three.
We also believe when you die you stay in a place of waiting...in our place you get a taste of where you are going...either heaven or hell....and there is no sense of time....but it's hard to explain this to her, so we just say he is in heaven...ie: moon, stars, clouds, etc.
posted by
MiaElla
on February 18, 2005 at 5:46 PM
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MIa
lol......I didn't mean it like that. sorry. I hope he can. I sing all the time. You make dogs bark? LMAO
posted by
ladyofshalott
on February 18, 2005 at 5:45 PM
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Mia I thought it was sappy but I thought that was what you wanted... no worries you got ideas from it and im happy.... {hug}
posted by
Tanoolicious
on February 18, 2005 at 5:42 PM
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lady
You have nothing for me....lol...that's okay....he's enjoying your singing...much better than mine...he'd always say dogs would bark
posted by
MiaElla
on February 18, 2005 at 5:41 PM
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This emptyness without you,
can't be described, it's hopeless.
This emptyness without you,
will always be amongst us.
But you are in heaven, awaiting,
and that eases our sorrow.
In peace you rest, contemplaiting,
if we'll join today, or in a far tomorrow.
TAKE CARE! VOYAGER9940
posted by
Voyager9940
on February 18, 2005 at 5:40 PM
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tanoo
...would be sappy to my brother...but I loved it...defintiely got ideas from it...beautiful you!
posted by
MiaElla
on February 18, 2005 at 5:40 PM
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For Wakely
Wakely, please don’t cry
dream happy dreams of me.
For I have loved you always
And although I am gone, our memories
will never die. Wakely, I live on in you
and we must go on be happy.
I love you still
for you are a part of me that is life and always will be.
You are
m
y perfect creation, my princess I was born to be your father, born
To teach you love and happiness
In which I never faltered, but hoped
That you would carry my gift
In your heart for all eternity
For there was never a father
Who loved his daughter more
Or who was as blessed as me
posted by
scriber
on February 18, 2005 at 5:34 PM
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MiaElla, this is a very nice little poem that will touch his little girl
when she's old enough to understand. I don't remember how old she is, but if you could add specific memories to make it even more personalized, that would be good. (PS: It's hard for me to add to it because I believe people who are dead are asleep, not in Heaven or Hell...at least not until after the judgment and then the Bible says Christ returns and brings his reward with Him...but that's besides the point.)
posted by
Ariala
on February 18, 2005 at 5:32 PM
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Mia
That poem is wonderful....I would love to help you, but I don't think I could capture what you need.
posted by
ladyofshalott
on February 18, 2005 at 4:55 PM
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Mia I love it!!
How about adding..
And even though you may never see me again
I'll always be home... the warmth of your heart
Remember, no one can remove me from your heart
You alone choose to keep me with you forever
If im not by your side it doesnt mean im gone
Smile, cry and laugh with you... listen for my voice
If you concentrate you will hear my footsteps by yours
On the clouds of Heaven I'll float to guard you
Maybe one day we'll float on that cloud together
posted by
Tanoolicious
on February 18, 2005 at 4:54 PM
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