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- Go to I Must Confess Something to You Guys. I Murdered Someone.
Factor,
Trator.
But wait, that wouldn't be a stalking charge on ME cause it's the spiders doing the stalking. Ha ha.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 4:56 PM
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hey, Mark, can we discuss some sort of
stalking or harrassment charge if Spit's sending spiders to lurk in my kitchen??
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 13, 2005 at 5:48 AM
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OBP, he need not fly any airline.
Murph can be anywhere at anytime. Be careful and cautious, my friend.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 11:27 PM
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Factor, well, it seems that my spider may have
made some calls to some friends just before it's ultimate demise. Obviously, they targetted you...and possibly others in Blogitville. All should beware.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 11:25 PM
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Spit
You just keep your old spiders down there. You've reeked enough havoc for today. I ask you to check on Murp.. you must have forgot. That's right, he's been paying me a visit. Wonder if he fly first class?
posted by
Offy
on May 12, 2005 at 6:22 PM
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Yeah, I noticed that! What kind of spider looks like that??
I did not get close enough to look at our spider. And it was not as large as the one you showed...but yours did not seem to be traveling at the speed of light like ours was!
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 12, 2005 at 6:14 PM
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Factor, my spiders belly (do they have bellies?)
looked like a giant eye! Wait, maybe it was a giant eye. Hmmm. K, so sorry about the spider jinx. Wonder who the next Blogitville victim will be?
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 5:31 PM
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It did not have the legspan of your spider,
but it had a fat body and hairy legs. And you started the "spider jinx." Who is next to have a visitor from Spit's Spiders?
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 12, 2005 at 4:51 PM
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Factor,
Was it as big as mine was? And, hey, why are they "my spiders" now?
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 4:43 PM
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Spit - wouldn't you know it?
one of your giant darn spiders decided to invade our kitchen today!! The kids were screaming and running away, then donning pest removal costumes and trapping it under a container for Dad (lucky man.) That sucker was really fast too!
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 12, 2005 at 4:13 PM
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scoop, I know! What's up with that?
Geez! If someone has that weird uncle or questionable brother, chances are they're in Florida.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 4:10 PM
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Mark,
**sigh** Fine, but how are you so sure I'll be found guilty? Hmmm? Oh yeah, I already confessed.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 4:08 PM
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Factor,
When M asked me to marry him, I told him yes because I really do need someone around to kill the spiders.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 4:06 PM
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Spitfire ~ Thaks for cooperating.
It should help after you're found guilty. The only remaining things we'll need are crime scene photos and a DNA sample. Please dress accordingly. For the crime scene photos, I mean. The DNA sample won't require anything ather than a loose-fitting paper gown.
posted by
mark2556
on May 12, 2005 at 2:36 PM
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Only in Florida
even Keith Olbermann on MSNBC Countdown was talking about how all the crazy stories come out of Florida
posted by
scoop
on May 12, 2005 at 10:20 AM
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Spit
yeah, I can relate to that... especially leaving the body for the husband to dispose of.... that's one of the reasons I married him
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 12, 2005 at 5:50 AM
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K, Mark. I'll cooperate....
- Have you had any prior contact or relationships with the butchered arachnid? Not to my knowledge, Sir.
- What was the nature of this relationship? Well, he made an unwelcomed entry into my home. I didn't actually see him enter, I didn't find any break in locations, but I certainly never invited him, nor gave him a key.
- When did this relationship turn hostile? After I took the photos for evidence.
- Do you detest all arthropods? Um, no, just the ones that enter personal space and/or home uninvited and when there isn't a man present at the time to handle the invasion.
- Why? Why not? What?
- Do you feel murder was the only solution? Yep. He may have consumed me, IMO. For the record, he did look hungry.
- Did you hear any voices telling you to kill this arachnid? Do I have to answer that?
- What were you wearing at the time of the muder? Do I have to answer that, too? It may change the rating of this blog.
- What are you wearing now? How did I not see this question coming?
- Did you feel any sort of satisfaction after the murder, and if so, were you breathing heavily? No satisfaction gained from this murder. I was breathing heavily cause just before the incident, er, um, I mean, I was, I was scared. Yeah. I was scared. That's all.
- Were there any witnesses to the murder, or maybe a camcorder running? No witnesses execpt Stanley the flying squirrel (as far as I know.) There is a window involved and I do happen to have strange, middle aged male neighbors who have made it obvious they think I'm hot; hence the fact of why I no longer skinny dip in my pool.
- Would you like us to install a camcorder? NO!!!! Um, I mean, no, thanks.
- What will you be wearing after camcorder installation? A snow suit, perhaps?
- If we search the property, will we uncover more dead spiders? I plead the 5th, Sir.
- Paper or plastic? Boxers or briefs, Sir?
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 9:31 PM
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Isis, I sowwy! Hope I didn't scare you too much!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 9:15 PM
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Actually, Alf, I couldn't tell if he was a Wolf Spider
or a Brown Spider, both which are venomous and can easily kill a toddler or a small animal and possibly even a grown up. I have an 8 1/2 week old puppy, Stonci (110 lb Rottweiler) and Stanley, a flying squirrel who weighs less than 1 lb. Stonci weighs as much as me! I couldn't chance it. And, as I told Factor in an earlier comment, I was too scarred to capture him to release him outside. You know I wouldn't commit murder if I didn't have to.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 9:14 PM
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ginnieb, I thought about that after I assasinated him, actually!
I thought, "Holy crap! I can't believe I took pictures!" But, I just HAD to show him to you guys or you'd never believe me about how big he really was!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 9:08 PM
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SuccessW, I've counted the pets. All accounted for!
(Whew!)
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 9:04 PM
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JJ, Oh! That little ladder! hehe
That's not a latter, Silly! That's the cord thingie that lifts the blinds! It does look like a little ladder, though!!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 9:03 PM
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JJ, what little latch in the corner?
Wait, I gotta go look at that last pic...
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 9:01 PM
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Well, daayyamm, Strat!
You're a bigger murderer than me! Nice going! I hate walking into webs. It's scary. Imagine how it must feel for a fly!! Yikes.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 8:59 PM
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Factor, K, so here's how it all went down...
I shrieked, cussed a bit, and then jumped outa my office chair doing that "eeew, icky, creepy dance." Once my heart rate decreased to a semi normal pace, I ran out and grabbed the Raid (roach/ant killer, but that's all I could find in a panic.) I didn't want to lose him if I was too slow finding something. Then I sprayed him and of course, he fell off the wall. I re-found him on the carpet as he tried to flee. He was made a bit retarded and drunk as he ran. I grabbed my heavy fire-safe lock box and dropped it on top of him and then jumped on it about 10 times to make sure he was smushed. I left the box on top of him for M to clean up when he got home from work today. I was, however, kind enough to give M the heads up before he arrived home.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 8:52 PM
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Symph, I actually had no choice in the matter.
Like I told OBP, I had to think of the possible fatality of Lindsey and Stanley if he bit them. They'd be dead for sure. I had to suck it up and kill it myself cause M was asleep!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 8:46 PM
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OBP, well, maybe I wasn't totally justified for the killing,
but he scawwed me lots! Yeeks! I saw that mf-er crawling across my wall and almost shit! He didn't bite me, but I do have Lindsey and Stanley to think about so I couldn't allow him to stay. I admit, I was too afraid to capture him and set him free outside. He had to go.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 8:44 PM
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OMG, I-R Will,
this thing scared the crap outa me!! I was afraid it was capable of pullin' a gun out!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 8:40 PM
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Jems, uh, thanks a lot!!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 11, 2005 at 8:39 PM
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This is gonna require a full investigation ~
If you could answer some questions now it will speed up the process and could help in your ultimate trial and sentencing.
- Have you had any prior contact or relationships with the butchered arachnid?
- What was the nature of this relationship?
- When did this relationship turn hostile?
- Do you detest all arthropods?
- Why?
- Do you feel murder was the only solution?
- Did you hear any voices telling you to kill this arachnid?
- What were you wearing at the time of the muder?
- What are you wearing now?
- Did you feel any sort of satisfaction after the murder, and if so, were you breathing heavily?
- Were there any witnesses to the murder, or maybe a camcorder running?
- Would you like us to install a camcorder?
- What will you be wearing after camcorder installation?
- If we search the property, will we uncover more dead spiders?
- Paper or plastic?
Your cooperation is appreciated. Don't leave town.
posted by
mark2556
on May 11, 2005 at 9:29 AM
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YIKESS!!!!
EEEEEKKKK!!!
This arachnophobe gets nauseous just looking at the picture!
posted by
myrrhage_
on May 11, 2005 at 9:04 AM
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He wouldn't have eaten much.......poor little spider
posted by
A_Norseman
on May 11, 2005 at 8:57 AM
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Oh ugh Spitfire!
And look at you...so calm that you took photos before the assassination! I'm not afraid of spiders...it's centipedes that freak me out...have seen a few in my house...maybe one or two a year and I'm totally creeped out by 'em.
posted by
ginnieb
on May 11, 2005 at 7:56 AM
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Are you missing any pets? You may have found the culprit. Crikey!
posted by
SuccessWarrior
on May 11, 2005 at 7:27 AM
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With that 410, go to a good shop for shells. Get the smallest shot-size and the lightest powder charge available. That way you will minimize plaster exfoliation.
JJ,,,,,,,,,, Spider Busters, Inc
posted by
Jack_Flash
on May 11, 2005 at 6:52 AM
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Spiff,
Maybe you better start keeping a 410 in your office. You can worry about re-plastering later. What I want to know is who put up that little ladder to the hatch in the cornice in the last picture? Are you sure someone doesn't have special plans for you at that place?
JJ
posted by
Jack_Flash
on May 11, 2005 at 6:40 AM
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Arrrghgh. The pictures aren't coming up, but I get the picture.
Down in the country where my family farm is, we have these creatures called pine spiders. They're about the size of a f*&%%ng pie plate, legs and all, and they spin their webs usually suspended between two pine trees, right at mouth level when you're walking through the woods. They're harmless, in that they are not venomous, but they're just so freaky looking when you run into one they give you heart failure and make you soil your shorts.
When I was a kid I was out hunting and walked into a web. The thing hovered right at eye level, irritated that I had blundered into his house. Scared me so bad I backed off two steps and shot him with a shotgun. Then I ran back to my dad's car screaming.
posted by
strat
on May 11, 2005 at 6:25 AM
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I think my heart rate just increased...
I would have killed it but there would have been a whole lot of shrieks and verbalizations during the process. Oh and I would have had to use something I could throw at it. Cleaning up would have been similar...
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 11, 2005 at 6:11 AM
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OMFGG (oh my fucking good god)
that is massive....if I saw that I would have a heart attack or pass out....we get little spiders here and I am terrified ...but if I saw that...my gosh.....it's scary to look at only on a picture....your brave...I would want it killed but I could not do it....noooooooo way
posted by
_Symphony_
on May 11, 2005 at 5:58 AM
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Spit
What the hell kind of spider is that other than ugly? Mercy killing is good sometimes, but if it bit you, murder was justified. It struck first.. Looks like an alien.
posted by
Offy
on May 11, 2005 at 4:39 AM
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Geez, Louise.Watch the livestock! Looks like a Barn Spider,Big
Rascal too. I use to see them all the time in north Florida. They were ok outside.If they invaded my living space though, they would wind up on the endangered species list. LOL
posted by
I-R-William
on May 11, 2005 at 4:05 AM
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ICK!!! *shudder*
I hate hate hate hate spiders!!!!! Ugh! Glad he was in your house and not mine! Blech!
posted by
Jemmie211
on May 11, 2005 at 1:10 AM
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