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Mark, I know we are supposed to run "zig-zag" when
fleeing from a gator, but I still scawed. Can't I do my community service somewhere else? Pweeze? Besides, I don't think I'll have time to whip out my cell phone to call you and even if I could, what the hell good is that gonna do me? By the time you get to me, he'll be pickin his teeth with my bones.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 14, 2005 at 4:32 PM
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Well, as we all know, all ya gotta di is measure the distance....
....from the gator's eyes to his nose in inches. For each inch you've got one foot of alligator. Which means this sucker is huge.
OK, we also know that although they move like lightning on ground, the dumb bastards can't turn while they're running. So, just step to the side and yell "OLÉ!!" and you should be fine. Call me on my cell if you run into any problems.
posted by
mark2556
on May 14, 2005 at 3:19 PM
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Mark, you scawed me with that picture!
See how you are? I bet your gators are bigger & badder down in your neck of the woods. Ours up here weren't raised in the Everglades.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 14, 2005 at 3:09 PM
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Spitfire ~ Of course you have a right to appeal.
And I recommend you play your trump card, or cards.....as in both of them if you know what I mean and I think you do....on the table. The examnation table will do.
And it's not like you'll be the first person the alligators have seen around here. Heck, they might even want you to take one of their eggs and raise one of the little fellas.
Or not. Damn beasts are terribly unpredictable.
posted by
mark2556
on May 14, 2005 at 9:58 AM
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Chelly, well, it sounds like everything is under control!!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 8:00 PM
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Oh, don't worry. It's out of my hands. Anytime it comes to an animal I
have, my obsessed animal lover Aunt completely takes over. Without asking. But she means and does well. Get's a little overwhelming at times though. I thought one time she was going to have a stroke when Sugar got in the front yard. She's running out there screaming , "Oh my GOd! Get her get her!!". She wasn't even running. Then her cat of 15 years, Tabitha, met the Great Feline maker in the sky, when my cousin's friend ran over her in the driveway. I really thought we were going to lose her that day. These moans of horror, pain, gurgles, falling on the ground trying to put her eye back in it's socket. It was awful. I understand fully the devestation of a pet dying, and before your eyes. But Lord. They had to pick her up and take her inside. Neighbors were coming outside to see if she were on fire or something.
Anyway, she is finding the homes. Like I said, don't worry. She goes through a damn sheet (she works with the ARL) of questions about everything. It's always someone she knows, or friends of another ARL fanatic she's friends with. She even calls and checks up on them for about a month. She's good, I have to give her that. Shes' driving me crazy with these puppies though. I'm really grateful, even though it doesn't seem that way. I love her, she just tries me ...lol..
posted by
Kiddo75
on May 13, 2005 at 7:39 PM
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JJ, Mark does have legal authority...
Through some connections via the Institute down there. He's got people all over the place and alligators, too!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 7:37 PM
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Chelly,
Sounds great! Just make sure to check out anyone adopting them from you (those that you may not know personally) that they can have a dog if they live in an apartment complex. Also, ask them (if they're a younger person or couple) if they have kids in the future, will they decide to give the dog away. I see that happen a lot. That, in my mind, is very irresponsible.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 7:27 PM
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Spiff,
It sure sounds like a lot of fishy stuff is going on down there. It doesn't sound like legal rights are being observed at all, suggested punishments seem totally off the wall, and I have some question as to whether the investigation is above board or being carried out by a representative of a true law enforcement agency. Has Mark2556 shown you a believable badge of authority? Don't fall for the old ''we don't need no steenkeen batches'' line. It's from a Bogart movie and has no legal validity. If any heads need to be bumped, I have plenty of friends who can help. If necessary, I can stretch the legal authority of my association with Her Majesty's Secret Service to assist in the resolution of this problem. Hang in there Hot & Sweet--help is on the way.
JJ
posted by
Jack_Flash
on May 13, 2005 at 6:56 PM
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Spitfire...he did freak. And freak quite loudly and spastic I must say.
He had to have beat himself in the face I don't know how many times trying to kill it. I bathed her last night in a real good flea shampoo I bought at her vet's. Some kind of shampoo I think you can eat as well.. all kinds of fruits and oats in it. Who knows...but it sure smells good, and seems to have done a lot of help. I just feel so bad for the little puppies...and it pisses me off when I go in there and see those little fuckers all over my babies faces. I laid down by them a good while last night just to make sure they got some rest and relief. Their eyes are opening now!!! Oh... and I do have good homes already (good thing I guess... :( ) for a few of them. I am not looking right now for my 2 girls. People are already trying to nab em. But if I have to give em away, I want to make sure I can see them when I want. Visitation. It's a must and I will settle for no less.
posted by
Kiddo75
on May 13, 2005 at 5:51 PM
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OBP, ahhh, gotcha. Thanks for the info.
I may use that one!!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 5:48 PM
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Spit
Your trump card is like an ace.((( Don't tell anyone this, but remember you were not quite yourself when Mark2556 did the interrogation. Use the trump card only as a last resort. The judge may dismiss the case, I've heard of it before. Just keep that one tucked away in case the appear does not go through...)))) I think you stand a fair chance of beating this rap...
posted by
Offy
on May 13, 2005 at 5:32 PM
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OBP,
I just asked for an appeal. (How come I couldn't use the "hot" card? I guess his neigbor didn't go for it.) What's the trump card?
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 5:09 PM
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Mark, even the one that found me hot found me guilty?
(What the hell is it with neighbors finding me hot?) So, he wouldn't even cut me a break? Damn it. No, I don't have rubber boots. Why the hell would I? Oh, and FYI, I scawed of alligators.
Yeeks. Any chance of an appeal?
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 5:07 PM
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Spit
I saw the jury's verdict.. may need to use the trump card. .hummm..
posted by
Offy
on May 13, 2005 at 5:05 PM
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Thanks Justsouno!
I was willy scawed, too!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 5:04 PM
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Chelly, damn! I bet your dad FREAKED! I know I would.
As far as the flea problem, you can't use Frontline or Advantage on Sugar til she's finished nursing. The only thing you can do is bathe her with a flea shampoo. The pups gotta wait, though. Just pick the fleas off as much as you can for now. Treat the house with a good flea product. Boric Acid powder works great and is safe to use. As soon as Sugar is finished nursing, put Advantage or Frontline Plus on her. Whatever ya do, DON'T use ANY over-the-counter type of product (i.e. Hartz or anyother store brand crap) cause those are dangerous and don't work, anyway. Waste of money and health risk.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 5:03 PM
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Strat,
Cool. If I have my way, you're on the jury! Woo hoo!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 13, 2005 at 4:57 PM
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Well, that didn't take long.
The jury, which is comprised of two of my neighbors, has found you guilty. One of them found you pretty hot, too. However, you'll only be doing time in community service, right here in the beautiful Florida Everglades near the grounds of the Research Center. Do you have your own rubber boots?
posted by
mark2556
on May 13, 2005 at 4:13 PM
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This was a great post. Funny, scary and well done. LOL
posted by
Justi
on May 13, 2005 at 4:08 PM
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I had one of those friggin' things jump on me once in a creek. I still
have nightmares. And one of those yellow jumpin spiders that sit in the middle of the web, ahhh. My dad didn't know they jump, and one time I saw one and made him go look at it. It started making the web go back and forth real fast, and when he asked what it was doing, I said "trying to scare you off"....he started laughing. Bout that time that fucker flew on his face...lol. priceless.
Oh, question about these new monsters I have at my house that are destroying my soul...fleas. I haven't given sugar anything since she was pregnant, didnt really need to anyway. ANd I know she's still nursing so I can't? But it's summer time here, HOT, fleas are horrible in Miss. The little pups I noticed have a few on their face. What can I do about it? I want to stop this or help it at least before it gets bad. thanx!
posted by
Kiddo75
on May 13, 2005 at 6:27 AM
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Personally, I wouldn't mind if it was premeditated.
In fact, if you want to become a bounty hunter on these walking hairy pie plates, I'll pay you per body. Put me on that jury -- we'll never even leave the box!
I'm not afraid of much in this world, but when I saw Arachnophobia, I thought it waw a documentary.
posted by
strat
on May 13, 2005 at 5:59 AM
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Actually, OBP, he may have. I was a bit
discheveled at the time, though. Hmmm, could be my "out" here!
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 11:38 PM
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SuccessW, LOL!!!
But damn, I hope not! Can't we all just get along?
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 11:37 PM
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Yikes, LadyofS!! See, that's why I had to spray him first
and then move in for the kill-by-heavy-fireproof-lockbox approach. I couldn't bare doing it with a shoe or something else. I couldn't bare the sound of the crunch nor the possible splatter of spider guts.
posted by
SpitFire70
on May 12, 2005 at 11:35 PM
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Spit
We should wait and see what Mark has to say from the investigation. Nah..did he happen to read you your rights prior to questioning?
posted by
Offy
on May 12, 2005 at 9:16 PM
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I think you have a plausible defense
although it sounds if they may try to play the hate crimes angle. Be careful.
posted by
SuccessWarrior
on May 12, 2005 at 7:14 PM
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Spitfire
Don't worry, evrything will be all right. No jury would dare convict you, that spider was huge! Funnily enough I killed one that looked exactly like that a few weeks ago in my son's room. Freaked me the hell out. It made a good satisfying crunch though.....fuckin EW
posted by
ladyofshalott
on May 12, 2005 at 6:22 PM
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