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I'm tinking of children
and giving them everything they want and letting them do anything they want tough love is doing things that they don't like. not giving them colas at age 5 not buying them candy at the supermarket checkout lines not loading them up on constant sweets making sure they eat and drink things that are healthy and good for them keeping them off drugs when everyone else is doing it. making the hard choices oh yes there's responsibility good word i'm mean that way
posted by
Xeno-x
on May 18, 2005 at 2:26 PM
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Make2 -
I could agree with that, to a point.
posted by
sannhet
on May 18, 2005 at 1:23 PM
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Tough love
may be simply allowing a person to suffer the consequences of their own actions. Trying to protect a person from them may meant that they never have a realistic view of the world.
If a teen or adult repeatedly says to his or her parents, I hate you, I hate this family, I hate this house and does what they please even if it disputes the family and makes life miserable for everyone else. Then at some point, telling the teen to find somewhere else to live may be appropriate. It may also be love.
posted by
Make2short
on May 18, 2005 at 11:09 AM
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Metta -
I think you may have summed up what I was trying to say very eloquently: If tough love hurts (physically, mentally or emotionally) then it is wrong. If it is used to guide and enlighten another, then maybe it is okay.
posted by
sannhet
on May 18, 2005 at 10:57 AM
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Painter -
I'm still not sure about that. Maybe what Metta said in her comment helps.
posted by
sannhet
on May 18, 2005 at 10:55 AM
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I think that for the unenlightened person, tough love is wrong... the enlightened teacher in many stories, though, uses tough love - and uses it wisely - not to harm but to help enlighten the student...
posted by
Metta
on May 18, 2005 at 9:04 AM
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do unto others
if we were to follow the example of that which we call god, we would be tougher on others -- i mean look at the life we lead -- never a smooth road.
we get some pretty bad shit thrown at us.
but would we wish on others what we get shoveled at us? If we see our lives for what they really are, the bad stuff can be used to reconstruct ourselves.
But we shouldn't be the judge and jury, the "God" so to speak of what another person deserves and doesn't deserve.
and yet -- there are times when we just have to say we've done all for another person that we can, that that person has to take responsibility for his/her life, and that we just have to drop him/her like a hot potato.
we can avoid that by not catering to our children's every whim when they're growing up; by saying no, by not allowing non productive behavior. Love means helping another person become the best person that person can be, and sometimes that means taking actions that the other person does not like.
"It's for their own good."
posted by
Xeno-x
on May 18, 2005 at 6:57 AM
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