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Jemmie,
Are we related? This sounds like my mother. The truth is: In time we find our own way and come to a point in our lives that we realize, there is NOTHING that we did to make them like they are: No matter what they try and claim.
I am a step-mother, I don't have biological children but what those kids taught was this: There is NOTHING in the world that they can do to ever make me not love them and not be there when they need me. It was quite and eye opener, because when I realized that, I also realized that my mothers flaws (or evil nature) had nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with her.
posted by
Bel_
on June 25, 2005 at 10:43 PM
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you can have my mother!
though... she doesn't exactly fit any of the requirements...
posted by
PoeticHoneyDew
on June 25, 2005 at 10:37 PM
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Jemmie, Honey ...
I know this is very hard, but you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that your mother is never going to be the mom you wanted or needed. And that there is no one in life who can replace that.
I think you might need to read the book If You Had Controlling Parents, which has helped several people I know as they dealt with issues relating to a "missing" parent in their lives. Your mom is missing. She's just not there. So. what do you do? I mean, there's this big, mom-shaped hole in your life, right?
It's never easy. My own mother had a similar situation with her dad. He was alive, but he wasn't the wonderful, loving Daddy that she needed and wanted. She had to grieve the death of that dream --- of the "perfect" Daddy --- and then she had to learn how to handle the "dad-shaped hole" in her life.
But the thing is, you will never have your own life, and you will never be fulfilled, if you don't accept the fact that your mom is never going to be the Mommy that you needed and wanted her to be. The relationship simply isn't going to happen that way. Accept your mom where she is, with all her faults --- and that DOESN'T mean allowing her to mistreat or manipulate you --- and find new paths for that mom-shaped yearning to travel.
I wish I could give you something more helpful and encouraging, but all I can say is that if you face the fact and start learning to cope with it, you WILL be happier and you WILL come to peace with the lack of a "mommy" in your life.
posted by
editormum
on June 24, 2005 at 7:36 AM
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Jemmie, you must learn to be your own mommy.
We must mother ourselves, if existing mothers lack the proper skills and concern. In the end, our loving ourselves is what gets us through life, and not what any other person thinks of us. I think that you're just fine and good and a true survior with inner strength in abundance.
I know that you just want to be tiny and held and hugged and petted every once in awhile, and I do it in my dreams for you.
posted by
benzinha
on June 24, 2005 at 12:41 AM
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