Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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- Go to It was definitely no "accident"…and now it's forever etched in my mind
Of course there's still time. Go at your own pace and be kind to yourself. (((((qguirky)))))
posted by
SilverMoon7
on September 5, 2005 at 3:13 AM
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kiddo--
some other bloggers said the same thing--I didn't realize it had that strong of an effect on others, thought it was just me.
posted by
Julia.
on September 4, 2005 at 1:28 PM
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there is something about that movie.. that is the one movie my mom
and I watched, and now sends me straight to tears... and my mom in law the same thing.. her father left her crying when she was about 5. Now everytime it comes on she bawls. Dang....
posted by
Kiddo75
on September 3, 2005 at 9:17 PM
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Thank you Bright--
Did it help you, that he
asked for forgiveness rather than you giving it regardless??
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2005 at 12:36 PM
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Quirky
I resented my father for many reasons and when he got old he asked my forgivness and I was able to almost do that completely,, To others it seemed all was well.. Good Luck with this..
posted by
BrightIrish
on September 3, 2005 at 12:20 PM
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chris--
oh--well, that sure does explain an awful lot!! Nice to see you back on the Blog.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2005 at 12:12 PM
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MysticG--
I have tried to talk to my Dad about it, dozens of times. It seems we never get anywhere, or perhaps that is just my perception of things.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2005 at 12:11 PM
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Phillystales--
Yes--it sure does.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2005 at 12:10 PM
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Isa--
Well--thank YOU for reading.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2005 at 12:10 PM
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jomei--
thank you for that very insightful comment.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2005 at 11:59 AM
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Ann--
oh--I really won one?? What a shocker!
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2005 at 11:51 AM
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spitfire--thanks,
I hope you are right about that. Not that I doubt you of course.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2005 at 11:49 AM
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I had the same experience when I watched Police Academy.
posted by
chris2303
on September 3, 2005 at 11:09 AM
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Quirky-girl
the universe is moving you toward that place...the only way to the outer side is "thru" and that is what you are doing, no there are no accidents. I really hope there is some way that you can talk to your Dad about all these things, with understanding comes forgiveness. hugs from me to you
posted by
MysticGmekeepr
on September 3, 2005 at 10:59 AM
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True forgiveness is so difficult. I am not there yet. Still feel a lot of pain. Being abandoned follows you and follows you....
posted by
PhillysTales
on September 3, 2005 at 10:11 AM
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Thanks for sharing...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on September 3, 2005 at 2:32 AM
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to forgive
Forgiveness in the mind is different to forgiveness in the heart, it doesnt happen overnight. There have been several dark periods in my life where childhood figures in my psyche have surfaced for healing. One thing which I'm learning is that no one actually 'did' anything to me. Sure things happened which I wish didn't. But the more I can perceive what my truest nature is, the more I realize that it's threatened by nothing. This puts me in a better position to forgive, because I realize that those adults in my life were just abused children themselves and if I could see far enough past all their neurosis, there is nothing but love.
posted by
Jomei
on September 2, 2005 at 10:57 PM
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Parents affect us deeply. Hope you will get on in life without too much past haunting the future.
Congrats. You've won in my Riddle blog.
Ann
posted by
A-and-B
on September 2, 2005 at 10:42 PM
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You will, my friend, and you're closer than you may realize.
I know it.
posted by
SpitFire70
on September 2, 2005 at 9:42 PM
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spitfire--
I know, I'm working on it--I hope to get there one day soon.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 9:21 PM
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Quirk,
That was a great movie. I know what it feels like to relate to certain scenes in movies. Especially when it comes to the movie Terms of Endearment. That's me and my mom to a "T." I hope you can find a way to forgive your dad even if you never hear what you need to hear from him. You may not ever forget, but if you can forgive, it will at least help your general energy and well being. You'll be the better person, regardless.
posted by
SpitFire70
on September 2, 2005 at 9:09 PM
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MW--
are you sure you saw it then?
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 9:05 PM
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thanks blackcat...
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 9:04 PM
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rachel--
I agree, it is a powerful, raw, heart-stopping scene.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 9:03 PM
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rabbit--
yeah, I have a similar memory. thanks for your kindness.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 9:02 PM
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I saw the movie
it's odd I don't remember anything about the movie
posted by
Bel_
on September 2, 2005 at 8:50 PM
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Quirks... I remember that scene very well... it was heartbreaking....
No child should have to go through that kind of abandonment. I'm very sorry.
posted by
-blackcat
on September 2, 2005 at 8:41 PM
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Oy!
That scene in that moving is one of the sadest scenes in any movie. That little girl does so well at portraying the heartache a child would feel as their parent CHOOSES to leave their life... Poor kid. Poor you. I can't imagine, although I lived with my father and I felt like he emotionally slammed a car door and drove away at least once a day.
posted by
RachelAnna
on September 2, 2005 at 8:20 PM
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happens too often
I still to this day remember my Dad going out the door with a box of his stuff as we watched, and mom cried in the other room. Even though there was a day when he apologized in a way, the damage was done. Forgiveness is for ourselves, not the offending person. Blessings to you.
posted by
wiserabbit
on September 2, 2005 at 8:13 PM
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thanks Wacky--
I hope you have a nice weekend as well!
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 7:44 PM
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dog1net--
thank you for sharing your personal story--I agree, we should never put things off because we just never know when it might be too late. blessings to you, too.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 7:43 PM
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hemlocker--
thanks for your comment. That's the thing about life isn't it--no one is immune to suffering.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 7:26 PM
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wiley one--
I'm sorry to hear about your situation--I pray that you will have a relationship with them one day.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 7:25 PM
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Some things are hard to forgive...
I turn it over to God who is an expert at forgiveness.Then one day maybe we can forgive. Till then let the big gu upstairs take care of it. Take care and have a good weekend!
posted by
Whacky
on September 2, 2005 at 7:23 PM
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It took me several years before I found the courage to finally seek out my father who "abandoned" me when I was three years old, and never made any effort to have any contact with me until he was ordered by the court to have me visit with him when I was 15. It did not go well, as he felt I needed serious straightening up. What I needed was his love and acceptance, but instead I got the back of his hand. I never had any contact with him again. 16 years later, after I had married and secured a teaching position at a private school, I decided to call him to let him know that I didn't grow up to be a "nobody" as he professed I would become, and that he had a grandson. When I called, his wife answered the phone, and seemed caught off guard. She asked who was calling. After I told her who I was, there was a long pause of silence. She then said, "You don't know, do you?" I wasn't prepared for what she said next. "Your father died last year from a heart attack." At that time I wished I hadn't waited so long, and from that day, I've always said to my son, "Never put off anything today that you may regret tomorrow." I hope you and your father find your way back to each other, especially since you are willing to accept and forgive him. What most people don't realize is that it is much easier to be loving and kind than it is to be hateful and angry. That is, once you have let go of the hurt. My best to you. . .
Scot
posted by
dog1net
on September 2, 2005 at 7:05 PM
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avant--
thank you for commenting--you hit quite a few nails on the head.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 5:36 PM
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Bright--
Yes I know all that intellectually--it's just getting there from here that I find difficult.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 5:35 PM
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quirky
So many of us here have had more than our share of grief. You've packed a great deal of emotion into a small space. I feel very much for Anthony, too. What it must be like to never be able to see your children again when you want to. My father abandoned me too, quirk, but not in the way yours did. He couldn't help it. Blessings. Hemlocker
posted by
Hemlocker
on September 2, 2005 at 5:13 PM
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Quirky
As a dad, I am sorry for your pain which I do have some understanding about. 
I fought for and had custody of my 5 children and then , many years later had to send my baby daughter back with her mother. That is what my daughter wanted at that time and I allowed it to happen.
Now I very seldom hear from 3 of my five children, nor do I try and contact them anymore. They were all well past 17 years of age when I Let Go And Let God.
So, if my not hearing from those children is their punishment for my making a choice to divorce, I accept it.
As my psychotherapist explained, they made choices that they too must live with, "that is their choice and their loss" the good doctor said.
That doesn't mean I don't pray to hear from them or even have a relationship with them, it does mean they are in God,s hands.
As are you and your dad luv. God Bless ya my friend.
posted by
WileyJohn
on September 2, 2005 at 3:27 PM
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quirky
i understand your need to be validated. even if you aren't blaming him all these years later, a simple 'i'm sorry' would do wonders to heal your heart. it would let you know at least he cares enough now to reach out. but, it's also true that you must not hold him responsible for your feelings of abandonment. true acceptance lies in the realization that his leaving was not because you are 'bad' and that you must forgive that thought of causing him to go. i hope you heal from this. i know it runs really deep in you.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 2, 2005 at 2:17 PM
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Quirky..
Forgivness doesn't mean that you have to act as though nothing has ever caused the pain. If you can forgive then your soul will be lighter and you'll hand the judgement over to God and he has all the facts. Good Post!
posted by
BrightIrish
on September 2, 2005 at 1:52 PM
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Thanks MayB!
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 1:23 PM
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Rame--
Yes I do, do that--but like you said, it's easier said than done.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 1:23 PM
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Sandi--
Yes, I too have been set free by true forgiveness. It's an amazing feeling isn't it?
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 1:08 PM
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ginnieb--
yes, we forgive for ourselves first, and often the other person gets to benefit from it too. Thanks for the lovely compliment.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 1:07 PM
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ravencat--thanks.
yes, everyone's movie mirrors are different but are there if we choose to look into them.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 1:06 PM
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Mia--
Isn't that just so tragic and sad that we might have that in common??
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 1:05 PM
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katray--
so right--easy to say, sometimes impossible to do.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 1:04 PM
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This was very eloquent
posted by
Azur
on September 2, 2005 at 12:23 PM
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Quirkyalone,
The only way for you to heal is to forgive. I know that's easier said than done, but I've found that it is easier if you pray for the person you need to forgive. When you pray for your enemies, very often they become your friends. Pray for the ability to forgive. It may take a long time, but it will finally happen. Good luck.
posted by
RAME
on September 2, 2005 at 12:10 PM
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I've learned that to forgive set me completely free. I spent so much of my life thinking that forgiveness was to let someone off the hook. I learned that by keeping the past alive, also kept my pain alive. Let go and let God sounds so schmultzy... but I gained my emotional freedom by doing just that. We can't change the past, but we can choose how we approach the present and the future. Great post Quirk, thanks for the discussion. Sandi
posted by
Sandra_Harris
on September 2, 2005 at 12:09 PM
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Lisa--thanks.
I like the onion analogy. I think it's probably true.
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 12:07 PM
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Dave--
without hope, what is life but a wasteland...
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 12:06 PM
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strat--thank you for the lovely compliment,
I appreciate your "wow."
posted by
Julia.
on September 2, 2005 at 12:05 PM
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Beautiful though sad Quirky...
...it's amazing that it's the victim who has to ultimately forgive to get on with their lives. It's bad enough to live through it and then so hard to resolve it. This was a beautiful post.
posted by
ginnieb
on September 2, 2005 at 12:04 PM
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Movies are a mirror for all of us...
Your "hope floats" quote is beautiful and well spoken. It's good to know that in forgiveness comes freedom; and I also agree that it's SO much easier said than done. Life does not come with an Owner's Manual....wish it did at times. We all do our best with what we have as the circumstances arise.
posted by
ravencat18
on September 2, 2005 at 12:02 PM
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Quirkyalone
This was beautiful
I had a similar scene with my own father when he walked out the door and our lives that one last time. Always painful...I remember thinking similar thoughts when I watched
Hope Floats. I bet a lot of woman here can relate....at least from what they share in their posts I would think so.
posted by
MiaElla
on September 2, 2005 at 11:57 AM
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Painful yet so beautifully expressed Quirky
You only have control over your forgiveness; if you forgive him, then you are unshackled and free at last. Easy to say, much harder to achieve, I know.
posted by
Katray2
on September 2, 2005 at 11:54 AM
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You're not alone...
Luckily our minds block out so much until we're ready...life and healing are truly like the peeling away of an onion. Pains will surface as you are prepared to handle them. I totally understand, I see scenes in movies and although I've healed many of my scars, they still will surface. You will heal when you're prepared, and life has a way of creeping up on us.
posted by
LifeByLisa
on September 2, 2005 at 11:53 AM
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The real hope at the end is good. Makes us feel hopeful too.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 2, 2005 at 11:51 AM
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I think this pretty much answers all questions:
"If hope really does float, then there is still time for me to be buoyed by the lightness of being that comes from true forgiveness."
Very well put-together thought. Wow.
posted by
strat
on September 2, 2005 at 11:43 AM
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