Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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- Go to Sticks & stones break bones, but names can maim forever
how true it is
Ah to sense a learner.. how true it is. words do hold us bondage. I enjoyed this one. Our parents,as a generation of parents, spent much time strenthing us physically ,hoping that to learn toughness of skin and bone would transfer to spirit . As parents we now know that the reverse works better.
posted by
dryten
on September 13, 2005 at 3:43 PM
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There are ways to defend against hurtful names and such by ways other than the iceberg.
If someone isn't emotionally connected to you, there is no reason why their words should matter. They have an opinion too, doesn't mean it's right or even in any way informed. I find that it isn't the words then that affect your feelings but the way you react. If it's a joke, you can laugh along with it, or think of it as a game and make some more "jokes" back. If it's sharp criticism or derision, you can just smile or ignore it (which can be much worse for them than any insult you could give back!
). Keep in mind that they are only doing it because they are insecure and need to justify their own selves... and what do you care about a stranger's opinion anyway? What do they know?
If someone you love insults you though, there is very little defence. I, however, would point out to them calmly that in your close relationship you should be keeping criticism to a level of mutual respect with no hard feelings. Not that this is a defence against all eventualities... but... still.
These things have worked very well for me.. but, I dunno, it can be hard...
posted by
Gubby
on September 13, 2005 at 1:36 PM
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well said. 
posted by
SilverMoon7
on September 13, 2005 at 2:06 AM
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I think the point is...
.... When you encounter people that throw verbal assaults at you duck. Then pick up the nearest stick or stone and beat them to a pulp!
posted by
DebbieDowner
on September 12, 2005 at 5:35 PM
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Quirky
you know that you are in my thoughts...and I tend to think you are WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!
posted by
Bel_
on September 12, 2005 at 5:00 PM
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One thing I believe to be true is that if you let it roll off like a duck the water will get pretty rancid but ducks have wings to go float around in a new pond... A combination of: forgiveness move on and make your own happiness...
posted by
the-loanlady
on September 12, 2005 at 2:02 PM
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Great post Quirk. Sandi :o)
posted by
Sandra_Harris
on September 12, 2005 at 1:02 PM
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I hate it...
when ppl are rude whether on the net or in real life...rudeness is the small minds' imitation of power...i have read this from a fellow blogger, all i can say is that it is so true...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on September 12, 2005 at 7:44 AM
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Here's a poem 4 you...
Go on smile,
Let it out.
It’s simple,
Simply extend your mouth.
A smile is contagious,
Don’t you know it?
So go pass it on,
Be the first,
Be courageous.
Make every moment count,
So bring it back,
Let it shine,
Your true self,
Your sunny side.
Today you won’t replace
So make your mark,
You won’t be able to retrace
This very moment,
Uniquely ours…
Don’t let it catch you
In such petty things
So insignificant…
Much less wasting away
In a numb state,
Melancholic days.
So simple,
Go, carry on,
Don’t be afraid.
Life isn’t so bad
If you set it free,
Choose to be
And do so lovingly.
Create positively,
Embrace your softness,
The good of your heart.
Love Cosy...never close up again...the pain that comes with living will never be worse than the state of nothingness that comes from that "iceberg".
posted by
cosy
on September 12, 2005 at 7:01 AM
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Quirky
When one loves someone, or one's fellow humans in general, then one must be prepared to be hurt sometimes, for love dissolves that armour that the unloved and the loveless wear. They are invulnerable ; we, if we are fortunate to love, are vulnerable
posted by
ariel70
on September 12, 2005 at 6:31 AM
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QQ - Never thought about that phrase before, but you're right.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 12, 2005 at 2:01 AM
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Here's the Wisdom in the Original....
I love your post; it's so true what you say. So here's what I think the original lesson was supposed to be: Words are not solid, but we imbue them with the power, the weight and the force of solids. (In other words, the word "ball" is not a ball. But it gives us the idea of a solid, real-life ball.) The point is: we shouldn't do that; we shouldn't give words the force of real life objects. (Probably not a popular idea with writers, since we depend on people making our images more solid in their minds.) So what should we do? If the words were meant to harm, just completely ignore them. They have no validity, obviously, because someone who means harm couldn't possibly be living with the truth, right? They're just trying to harm. (They just attach their animosity to enough little hints of truth to introvert you and make you feel bad.) How much power do their words actually have? Only as much as we ourselves think their words are anything other than little wisps of symbolic noise coming out of their mouths. (By the way, you know what negatives sound like to me? Blahdee, blahdee, blah, blah, blah....!)
posted by
Adaman
on September 12, 2005 at 1:05 AM
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So TRUE...
It had been an experience that takes long to forget but if you can forget then the other person only has to carry the rewards of his action...So it is divine to forget for all human can err...
Prisondiary
posted by
prisondairy
on September 12, 2005 at 12:59 AM
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WOW, QUIRKS,
AWESOME POST !!!!!!!
posted by
Jaxson-Pete
on September 11, 2005 at 11:16 PM
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I'm working on the self-acceptance part still...
Years and years of being hated by my peers and being put down by my mother are oh-so-hard to erase.
posted by
Jemmie211
on September 11, 2005 at 9:41 PM
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I've ALWAYS
said this and now my children say it to their children.: 'STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK YOUR BONES BUT WORDS CAN KILL YOU.' And they do. Thanks for the post and the reminder.
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on September 11, 2005 at 7:15 PM
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words are like nails.. they can be taken back, but they still leave a hole.
posted by
-blackcat
on September 11, 2005 at 6:59 PM
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I'm glad you made it out of your iceberg, Quirky....God bless.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on September 11, 2005 at 5:44 PM
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So True
"...love, forgiveness, self-esteem and self-acceptance." When one is rooted in those four keys, you are able to respond more positively to hurtful things that may be said by others rather than simply reacting.
posted by
dog1net
on September 11, 2005 at 5:32 PM
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The best remedy I've found to heal wounds caused by verbal mudslinging is to pray for the person and empathize with the pain they are suffering which is causing them to throw vile comments around. Works for me!
posted by
Corkie
on September 11, 2005 at 4:32 PM
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Quirky, I was being politically correct....
I didn't want to say it like I usually do, with the 'a' word. 
The image is funny.
posted by
word.smith
on September 11, 2005 at 3:45 PM
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>:-| so true... i remember chanting that 'stupid little ditty' as a child..
as the fire burned. Words do hurt, as do shunning and the 'i'm not your friend anymore' game that children so often play. My daughter who is nine goes through some of this and we have some really good talks about it. These things do carry over into adult life and that's where we have to make the decision not to close ourselves up into that protective little hard shell of bitterness. Been there and done that, it is always a WIP to keep it from happening again. Your post prompted me to post something I've had 'in storage - i hope by sharing it someone may benefit. Thanks Quirky!
posted by
wiserabbit
on September 11, 2005 at 3:43 PM
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Quirky...
Yes indeed.. its a lame statement because words do hurt. I can remember using those words as a kid but we always added " for when your dead and in your grave.. you'll suffer for what you called me."
posted by
BrightIrish
on September 11, 2005 at 3:35 PM
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Right. Mental and emotional abuse have lasting effects.
(Ben)
posted by
A-and-B
on September 11, 2005 at 3:29 PM
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koda--
I think your explanation probably was what they intended...but I agree, it's a silly saying no matter what.
posted by
Julia.
on September 11, 2005 at 3:08 PM
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word.smith,
"consider the source" is always good advice...and this really made me laugh:
a burr up their butt
posted by
Julia.
on September 11, 2005 at 3:07 PM
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I always thought the sticks and stones saying was stupid...
even though when I was a kid I had used it many times as my brother hurled insults at me. I guess that saying was made up by someone trying to make people believe that things people say cant do you any physical harm, so its best to ignore them. The thing is, once words are spoken, they can imbed themselves in someones mind and through psychological damage, can actually manifest into the physical being and cause harm. All in all, whomever made up that saying was a crackpot. :)
posted by
KODACHROME1970
on September 11, 2005 at 3:04 PM
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Amen to that!
Norseman did me a hell of a favour when he wrote about his mother's (or was it his father's advice) to 'consider the source'. Ever since, I've been able to deal with negative words better. Half the time, those who have unkind words, have a burr up their butt somewhere. If I know there's a problem with me. I think about that source and the fact they'll possibly never have much that is nice to say to me and move right along.
posted by
word.smith
on September 11, 2005 at 2:59 PM
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krisles--
thanks for your comment. "Disabled souls" is an interesting term, I rather like that analogy.
posted by
Julia.
on September 11, 2005 at 2:41 PM
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Quirky
You are so right in your determination to embrace the full range of human emotions....and that can include anger and pain......for that's the only way to appreciate love and joy, as you have discovered. People who hate or who just hurt others through insensitivity were taught to...and that's sad....and they have holes in their souls...that's even sadder. I think you have to look at them as defective and deformed.....they have disabled souls in the way that some folks have disabled bodies. I don't think it's as much a matter of not letting it hurt you, but of recognizing that it is their problem that they do these things.....and of letting go of the hurt, like you either wash a stain out or discard the garmet if it won't come out. Acknowledge it, feel it because you can't ignore an elephant that is in the room with you....and then let it go.
posted by
Krisles
on September 11, 2005 at 2:29 PM
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Schree--
there really is no excuse for intentionally mean behavior like that. But...it can only hurt us if we let it, right? So the true power comes from not letting it affect us. Easier said than done, of course.
posted by
Julia.
on September 11, 2005 at 2:13 PM
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Hey Quirky!!
I remember a time..I had just moved to Texas with Baby..I was walking our dog, Sebastian..I was taking him to the park, and this pickup truck full of white dudes drove by and yelled at the top of their lungs.."NIGGER!!!!!!" 
Well, you know your girl by now..I was like "pull over mother fuckers!!"LOL!! It hurt for a minute..I was new there and I'd heard rumors at home..Delaware is very upper middle class, so we don't have a lot of overt race issues there.But, now I was in the south girl LOL!!.That was a trip..It doesn't bother me now..If you check out the show.. you'll notice that I have taken the word as my own..I have people that I think of as my "niggas" all over..It's quite different than "nigger" that was intended to do psychological harm.Had they backed up I don't know what would have happened..Schree`
posted by
Schree
on September 11, 2005 at 1:54 PM
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