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Muser
that's exactly what I was thinking.
Okay, way too funny. I had to read it twice, because I didn't believe it the first time. Anyway, I'll definitely be reading your material from here on. And, about the orangefish, LET IT GO! Forgive yourself, sister. You're cleansed! This house is clean. Sigh
posted by
CunningLinguist
on October 2, 2005 at 3:54 PM
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WELL SINCE YOU ASKED, CUNNING...YOU CAN TUNE A PIANO, BUT YOU CAN'T
tune a fish...but you can tuna fish. I don't think you can micro fish, but you can microfische...just not in the water...that would be dangerous, although I guess you might be able to if you unplugged it first. This whole post has made me very depressed from the guilt of flushing my son's orangefish when it died...and then lying about it. O.K. , we called it a goldfish even though that was promoting a lie which is now ,making me feel even guiltier. I am being pulled as I write this into a vortex of complete denial because my telltale tellall conscience is trying to bring up the tooth fairy chronicles...talk about your blatant lie not to mention the fact that I'm not really sure if we're supposed to say fairy anymore... I'll have to check my PC Handbook, but I don't have it with me right now...O.K. that's a lie too...I burned it. But that is getting off point...so would you please not post anything else about orangefish anymore? Or bluefish because my neighbor actually murdered her blue Siamese fighting fish...he didn't have a fighting chance. She said Blue, she named him Blue not because he was blue, but because he too had that sad look on his little fishface. Anyway, Blue slipped out of her hand, she SAID, when she tried to put him back in his claustrophobic fishbowl after she cleaned it in the kitchen sink, but I think she was tired of cleaning his bowl because she complained about it so much. Anyway she SAID she didn't want to put her hand down the disposal because it's so germy. She SAID that Blue had probably ingested a lot of bacteria anyway, so she turned on the disposal and put him out of his misery. Then she called me on the phone to tell me... like I'm her confessor or something. She said she felt better...I don't. How could I? I thought she was my friend...how can I be friends with a woman who turned her fish into sushi? I have to go now and start getting supper ready...we're having salmon...it's my penance for telling my son when he came home from school to an empty fishbowl that I didn't know where his fish was.It happened almost thirty years ago...a little over twenty seven years really - I just like to round numbers up or down. I had to learn to do that in elementary school, so I try to put that skill to use. I'm pretty good at it, and you know what they say...use it or lose it. Anyway, I know I'm blocking...because my son was only five years old at the time, and he didn't want a dog or a cat, he wanted a fish. He would run down the driveway after getting off the schoolbus every day, and come into the house, his eyes bright and shining. He'd go straight to his room to see goldie...I mean, orangey. That day he came to me very upset, asking where his fish was and I was so upset. I had vacuumed his room that morning and I guess the vibration of the vacuum cleaner agitated the fish and she (just in case the PC police might read this) jumped out of her bowl right in front of the vacuum. It was a Hoover with front wheel drive or whatever it is that makes them glide forward effortlessly. I couldn't stop it in time, and poor orangey was just sucked right into the rollers...there was nothing I could do but scrape her off and flush her remains of which there weren't very many.I couldn't bear to tell my son what really happened to his fish. I didn't want him to have to deal with death during his first week of kindergarten so I told him I didn't know where orangey was; she must have jumped out of the bowl,which was partly true. I said sometimes fish do that. I didn't know my son would spend all afternoon looking in every square inch of his room for his fish...Gee, I felt really great when I woke up this morning...all afternoon in fact until I read your depressing fish story... Actually fish don't make very good pets...they are atually very cannibalistic...you know, the big ones eat the smaller ones...you have to watch them every minute. I've heard people say that watching fish is very relaxing,That usually happens in a doctor's waiting room. Doctors usually believe the fallacy of the "watching fish is relaxing" theory. Don't you just want to stand up right there in the waitng room and scream "THAT IS A BALDFACED LIE!" Maybe if you actually do it, you should leave out "baldfaced" because "BALD" might be PC...I'm not sure, but if there is even a slight question about it, find another word. But I really do feel like screaming at people who say that about watching fish being relaxing. It really is a total fallacy. The real reason they watch their fish is because they have to. No Lie. They have to watch their fish to make sure the smaller ones don't get eaten... gotta go. I liked your post except for the depressing parts.
(C) 2005 Cynthia Allison All Rights Reserved
posted by
muser
on October 2, 2005 at 3:34 PM
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be careful.By now your other pets are scheming. I would say leave!
posted by
dryten
on September 30, 2005 at 9:03 PM
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ROFL... that was so great. you think you saw him crying while you ate
fishsticks? ROFL
posted by
-blackcat
on September 30, 2005 at 6:57 PM
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Cunning
You're so compassionate putting that fish out of it's misery!
posted by
jojostar
on September 30, 2005 at 5:07 PM
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Cunning,
Thanks. I would have taken the back row but for the private shows going on back there.
B.
posted by
A-and-B
on September 30, 2005 at 3:48 PM
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Perhaps a goldfish is a bit much for you
Maybe next time you should go for an ant farm? Or a hermit crab?
posted by
n2enigmas
on September 30, 2005 at 3:41 PM
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Ben
no way. I could have taken any seat in the theater. It wasn't exactly filled capacity, my friend.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on September 30, 2005 at 3:17 PM
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Cunning,
Did my hat obstruct your view?
B.
posted by
A-and-B
on September 30, 2005 at 3:09 PM
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So you were the guy...
who saw that movie. I was wondering.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on September 30, 2005 at 3:07 PM
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Cunning,
People take fishes out for walks when they carry the fish bowls along with them. I saw this in the movie, "The Cat In The Hat".
B.
posted by
A-and-B
on September 30, 2005 at 3:03 PM
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Masky
you too, Buck. You're going to have a great time. Tell us all about it tomorrow or soon.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on September 30, 2005 at 2:59 PM
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Enjoy your evening, friend. I'm gonna get back to cleaning.
posted by
Masky
on September 30, 2005 at 2:57 PM
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Does Red Bull really give you wings?
Red Bull with vodka gives you horns...
posted by
CunningLinguist
on September 30, 2005 at 2:57 PM
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Masky
my mind is a ferrous wheel with twists and turns and tunnels and vodka and marionettes and...
:-)
posted by
CunningLinguist
on September 30, 2005 at 2:50 PM
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Fishy go bye-bye?
Hold on, just spit my Red Bull and Vodka all over the computer monitor gotta get a rag and clean it the heck up.
Your mind is a playground...I'm getting dizzy from all the spinning and swinging Love it!
posted by
Masky
on September 30, 2005 at 2:46 PM
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