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Cuteness is a characteristic bound to drive enemies to distraction
posted by
Azur
on October 27, 2005 at 11:50 AM
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It just occurs to me, perhaps if someone is not liking me, they are seeing something in me that could be corrected... like maybe I could stop being so damn cute!
posted by
cmoe
on October 27, 2005 at 11:48 AM
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Tapsel-T, I know. It distresses me if I am deemed untrustworthy
posted by
Azur
on October 27, 2005 at 11:32 AM
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MayB, I have read the post, considered it, read all the comments and enjoyed the debate. I don't have anything to add other than that any time that I might be the one whose motives are doubted, it makes me very uncomfortable.
posted by
TAPS.
on October 27, 2005 at 11:14 AM
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Word.smith, I doubt we can break this habit but in making judgments on people we should recognize it
posted by
Azur
on October 27, 2005 at 11:06 AM
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In response to Official Mental Whirly Gig aka Justsouno
I look at it this way. There are some people that are not easy to like and liking someone is not something you can force. What I don't understand is when people treat as worthless someone they don't like. I find that some people do have questionable motives and are not kind but I also realize that is my perception of them which although may be true maybe only part of the truth. I agree with you that some people are not good at deciphering their first impressions. Like you I think I am good at that. However, I always try to keep in mind that the first impression I have is relevant to me and what I looked for and found in that person. Much depends on if I found something I liked or not.
May B
This is an excellent post. I believe you hit the nail on the head. But there is more. There is a level of discernment that gives you insight to people but without judgment. Judgment in the sense that you figure because they appear so and so they are good or bad. You make no judgment of the person but know the expected behavior of the moment even if you are not interacting with them. I am 69 years old and I have been sorry when I went against this, or when I voiced these feelings about a person to others. I have always without exception found my first impression of a person to be correct. I don't think everybody has this and I don't think it makes me unusual, I think others have gifts that are as valuable, but in different areas. I believe these are gifts from God and have bad consequences when used for personal benefit or gain. This is not meant to be argumentative, it is just my feeling on the subject. I welcome your feedback.
Singned, Official Mental Whirly Gig (LOL)
posted by
Azur
on October 27, 2005 at 11:04 AM
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Joe Love, thanks. It was just a little ramble about my some of my theories on life. Maybe I should quit the serious journalism and do this stuff ;-)
posted by
Azur
on October 27, 2005 at 10:46 AM
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Hemlocker, tragically that is true
posted by
Azur
on October 27, 2005 at 10:44 AM
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"look for the bad in those we distrust"
word.smith says. And I would add, "and don't understand." Sometimes people have gotten lynched because someone was certain their "bad" first impression could not be wrong.
posted by
Hemlocker
on October 26, 2005 at 11:07 PM
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Hiya, Mayb
First, allow me to apologize to you for somehow missing reading your blog during my last reading blogs. As I clear my history, then use it to mark whom I've visted and whom I haven't, I must have clicked on you before going to work but never read you.
Anyway, despite your topic being very interesting, the thing I would like to tell you is that. . , out of every entry I have ever read of yours, this is my favorite. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it seems like it's very easy to read. It was very smooth. Maybe it was less formal?? I don't know.
Anyway. . , very nice job here.
posted by
Joe_Love
on October 26, 2005 at 9:12 PM
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Very few of us are capable of
viewing others dispassionately, especially if we don't like who we're dealing with. It is our nature to look for the bad in those we distrust. I experience this in my life. It. is a habit that's hard to break.
posted by
word.smith
on October 26, 2005 at 8:13 PM
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I came, I read, I went
posted by
poetjpb
on October 26, 2005 at 6:05 PM
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It's sad really...and I touched upon the fact that many times you see
the same people siding against the same lot.
posted by
Ariala
on October 26, 2005 at 5:20 PM
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jojostar, yes we should be careful about mixing reality
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 4:33 PM
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Justsouno, I am going to return to respond to your comment a little later as I want to do so with due consideration
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 4:32 PM
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Sorry I mean Original Influence
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 4:31 PM
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OriginalInfluence, lovely to see you. Thank you
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 4:30 PM
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Jojostar, thank you I agree. I ask myself all the time is it me? Our own biases will always have some impact
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 4:30 PM
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I'll add...we live in a world of advertising and some of it is very subtle .. just look at the most sophisticated advertising on TV.
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 2:48 PM
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Blackcat30, it remains that this post is about our capacity to doubt the motives of people we don't believe in. The last line of the post gets to the crux of it.
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 2:46 PM
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MayB
I guess I must have missed something but good post nonetheless. I have found that there are a few people around here whose sincerity I have begun to doubt. It is difficult to tell if it is my own insecurities or something else. I try to assume the best though and think that it really doesn't matter as far as Blogit is concerned as most of the people here are not people that I will ever know in my "real" life.
posted by
jojostar
on October 26, 2005 at 12:29 PM
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Excellent post! Quite a few good points made here!
posted by
Original_Influence
on October 26, 2005 at 12:23 PM
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May B
This is an excellent post. I believe you hit the nail on the head. But there is more. There is a level of discernment that gives you insight to people but without judgment. Judgment in the sense that you figure because they appear so and so they are good or bad. You make no judgment of the person but know the expected behavior of the moment even if you are not interacting with them. I am 69 years old and I have been sorry when I went against this, or when I voiced these feelings about a person to others. I have always without exception found my first impression of a person to be correct. I don't think everybody has this and I don't think it makes me unusual, I think others have gifts that are as valuable, but in different areas. I believe these are gifts from God and have bad consequences when used for personal benefit or gain. This is not meant to be argumentative, it is just my feeling on the subject. I welcome your feedback.
Singned, Official Mental Whirly Gig (LOL)
posted by
Justi
on October 26, 2005 at 11:38 AM
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MayB... I think it's interesting that you point that out. I believe I
finally see what this debate is really about? I have never implied that it's wrong to market yourself, nor do I believe that. To each their own. Personally, I don't usually feel comfortable advertising myself, but I don't think ill of those that do. However, in my eyes, having someone else
unknowingly advertise for you is an entirely different story. I do see and understand it from either perspective, but I know what I'd do...
posted by
-blackcat
on October 26, 2005 at 10:02 AM
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Blackcat, I should have mentioned thatbefore your time here there were some bloggers who were fiendish marketeers. Every comment they left would be littered with links to their blog and most of their comments were irrelevant to the topic. Some people felt used but a few people loved that style and did not feel exploited even though it looked that way to others.
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 8:27 AM
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Jemmie211, thank you. If I had to have a disclaimer it's that I like to post something which offers some food for thought
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 7:52 AM
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Dave Cryer, sometimes I feel cursed in seeing both sides. It would be much easier to simply dismiss half of the debate
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 7:50 AM
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Ca88andra, sometimes instincts can let us down and sometimes we trust inspite of our instincts and previous experiences but if we don't make a fw mistakes we never learn what's right
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 7:48 AM
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J.Jack Flash, life would be too grim if we didn't let in trust wouldn't it?
"Trust until you are proved wrong, then feel no guilt about its disappearance. It will only disappear from those who were not worthy of it to begin with." True, if we don't allow the possibility then we would never trust again
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 7:46 AM
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Blackcat, thank you. To quote my comment but leaving out half puts it out of context and the rest should be added. I said: "I don't see the harm in marketing and if it helps someone so much the better. I do understand the need for clarity which is what Blackcat was talking about too.
Then I said:
"I suppose I am saying that sometimes we can make too much of what people's motives are and if we don't know or understand someone we can make assumptions which are not fair."
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 7:36 AM
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MayB... very good post, and I agree with most of what you said, especially
in regard to motives. However, whether I like a person or not, I do think they should be upfront if asking for a service in return. Like I commented to Dave in my post, if told what you're asking for in return, then a knowledged decision can be made. Otherwise, it seems deceitful to me. I think you said it best in the following comment....
MayB: I don't see the harm in marketing and if it helps someone so much the better. I do understand the need for clarity which is what Blackcat was talking about too.
posted by
-blackcat
on October 26, 2005 at 5:58 AM
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Great post!
Very thought provoking.
posted by
Jemmie211
on October 26, 2005 at 5:31 AM
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Wise writing, May. Thanks for taking the time to propound your thoughts clearly with due balance. We all of us say live and let live, but carrying it through in our actions often requires much forethought.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on October 26, 2005 at 3:04 AM
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You make some valid points. Sometimes we have to put our trust in people even when we don't know them. At times this will be the wrong decision.
posted by
Ca88andra
on October 26, 2005 at 2:59 AM
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Brisbane artist. that's perfectly OK. I am frequently told I don't get it. I don't see the harm in marketing and if it helps someone so much the better. I do understand the need for clarity which is what Blackcat was talking about too.
I suppose I am saying that sometimes we can make too much of what people's motives are and if we don't know or understand someone we can make assumptions which are not fair.
Take care
posted by
Azur
on October 26, 2005 at 2:47 AM
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Am I allowed to just not get it?
I like the interaction of Blogging. I like the promotional aspect
I think marketing is a great topic and I study and research that.
I would be one of the few artists who actually likes marketing her work.
I don't get what you are all trying to say?
Something is eithwe free or it is not.
If you meet someone and they want something there is either a price or there is not.
But why all the bother with it?
At the school where I work a teacher asked me would I illustrate her play and turn it into a comic.
Who would be exploiting who or marketing or whatever.
I immediately said - so long as there is a water tight contract. Clarity - so long as we know where we stand.
Why Not?
I don't get what you are talking about.
Have I actually missed something altogether?
Jo
posted by
brisbane_artist
on October 26, 2005 at 2:41 AM
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May,
Some interesting thoughts indeed.
I think the thing most needed is cautious trust. Cautious because we have to maintain our guard of common sense, trust because without it we have nothing. I liken it to lending money: I will trust someone with a loan that I can afford until they fail to pay it back. At that point there is no longer trust from me, but I did not initiate it by starting without trust. They precipitated it by proving that they were not worthy of it. The price of the lesson was small, yet it was worth far more than I let it cost, and worth every cent.
Trust until you are proved wrong, then feel no guilt about its disappearance. It will only disappear from those who were not worthy of it to begin with. 
jj
posted by
Jack_Flash
on October 26, 2005 at 1:56 AM
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