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UPDATE, I spoke to my friend's husband (she was out getting Christmas stuff
He told me that it was an extremely awful accident which was very distressing and traumatic for all involved. I won't describe it here because it sounded horrendous and I don't want to prolong the images in my mind. He said she said was very distressed about it. He'll pass on my love and we'll meet up in the next few days. They'll come here as they don't feel like playing host although as he says they have to move on because they can't change anything.
posted by
Azur
on December 23, 2005 at 5:17 PM
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JUST LET HER KNOW YOU'RE THERE FOR HER....TAKE CARE...
posted by
cling
on December 23, 2005 at 11:04 AM
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Good Move, MayB
I want to be in contact, if only to be absolutely sure about her wellbeing.
posted by
word.smith
on December 23, 2005 at 8:19 AM
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Ginnieb
Sometimes it takes me a while to understand but this is my oldest friend. This news made me think again aboout whether I understand. It remains to be seen.
posted by
Azur
on December 23, 2005 at 7:11 AM
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Offbeats, it is tough anytime
and even more so when it is sudden and pointess. Thanks for dropping by
posted by
Azur
on December 23, 2005 at 7:06 AM
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MarshallEngraved
I think that she did feel helpless and deeply shocked
posted by
Azur
on December 23, 2005 at 7:04 AM
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Thank you for your kind comment Temple
When I first read the email I'd had a stressful day and had a great deal on my mind so I was up very late sorting out a few matters. I was very tired and my immediate reaction was shock and a feeling of inadequacy as I set out in the post. For a brief moment it was about me but luckily I did not respond then. In the morning I re-read the email and I saw at once that her tone to me was loving and that she was not directing me away but putting me in the picture. I think that she felt that she needed to tell me something of it but could not face writing about it in detail. Who could?
She has daughters and a partner so naturally I am not her first port of call when something happens in her world (although I am in some matters). You are right about tone because I think that in paraphrasing her email here I did not convey her tone effectively either. Sorry about that confusion. Last night when I was tired I did not understand her tone.
I emailed her this morning - just a couple of lines to express my shock, sympathy and love and to say that she can call me anytime and that I will give her a call in the next few days to see how she is going. That way she will be expecting to hear from me. It will be OK .
Thanks again. I do appreciate it.
posted by
Azur
on December 23, 2005 at 7:00 AM
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You sound like a great friend MayB....
..you understand her.
posted by
ginnieb
on December 23, 2005 at 6:48 AM
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MayB
That is so sad...how awful to lose a pet anytime, much less the holidays...She is lucky to have a friend like you!
posted by
Offy
on December 23, 2005 at 6:37 AM
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I know messages like that can hurt and be confusing...
But, I think you should take her at her word and give her some space. She said she didn't want to talk, and she sent the message in such a way so she wouldn't have to. To call her would make this about you, not her. I don't say that to be mean, tone is a problem here so I want to say that....I understand everything you are worrying about, but this needs to be about what she asked you. Possibly send her a short email saying you received her message and you are worried, you are there for her when she is ready, and let her know that there isn't anything you wouldn't do for her. Then, let her grieve in her time. Sometimes letting someone have the space they need is the most loving thing we can do, even if it hurts us.
posted by
Temple
on December 23, 2005 at 4:01 AM
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i think that your friend's pain...
was probably expressed in this email...i don't think she wanted to push you away, but merely expressed how much helpless she probably felt...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on December 23, 2005 at 3:44 AM
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BrightIrish, it is the only thing to do
posted by
Azur
on December 23, 2005 at 12:59 AM
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DrJPT, I'm sorry to hear about this. My friend is not playing a game or ill
She has had a hell of a shock
posted by
Azur
on December 23, 2005 at 12:58 AM
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Be Careful of Double Messages
Emotional blackmail is out there these days in a big way. I recently experienced such with a person that I thought was a friend. It turned out that for the second time I received a message and a caller ID from a mental health number. I later received a call from her daughter who said that she had not spoken to her, yet when I call to express concern to a different number, I received a call from her from the supposed"friend's" number and not a mental health number. I started thinking, what the heck is going on here.
I then decided that I was not going to get sucked into this and did not make an attempt to make contact. This was before Thanksgiving. This week I found out that she had been stealing from her job, was escorted away by police after attempting to attack the supervisor. Now she is moving to a different state and as in your case had been distant and sending mixed signals. Be careful!!
Now she wants me to come and see her before she moves........
posted by
Dr_JPT
on December 22, 2005 at 8:46 PM
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I think it would be good of you to call your friend.
posted by
BrightIrish
on December 22, 2005 at 5:43 PM
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Ca88andra, that's true
I don't think this was a dismissive tone. In fact the shock must be very great because this tone is so unusual.
posted by
Azur
on December 22, 2005 at 5:12 PM
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B, thanks for your comment. It is a loss indeed
particularly when it is sudden and shocking
posted by
Azur
on December 22, 2005 at 5:11 PM
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Timmytales, true, there are some things you cannot ignore
posted by
Azur
on December 22, 2005 at 5:09 PM
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mayb
That is something that bothers me to no end!! I think that you are doing the right thing in calling her
posted by
TIMMYTALES
on December 22, 2005 at 3:25 PM
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I've discovered that emails and messages can often be misread. Somehow the tone comes over differently. I chatted with my son on messenger last night and found myself disappointed with his replies until I realised that the tone was missing and he wasn't just being dismissive.
posted by
Ca88andra
on December 22, 2005 at 3:16 PM
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I can only write that I'm glad it was only a pet but then again, a pet is a huge loss too.
(B)
posted by
A-and-B
on December 22, 2005 at 2:50 PM
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