Go to Malcolm's midwife: Words from the heart
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Joe_Love
If you'd seen the pale faces of our son and daughter as they passed through the kitchen battle zone you'd know you'd hit the nail on the head. Some things are just too precious to risk in battle - either the winning or the losing makes them victims and families shouldn't be about taking sides (though I know that this is the reality all too often).
posted by
malcolm
on January 22, 2006 at 3:23 AM
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malcolm
So, what are you going to do??? Continuously get walked over?? I don't know if I agree with you here. Yet again. . , you do have children, therefore I guess you don't want to expose them to the arguing and stuff. . , so, I guess I understand.
posted by
Joe_Love
on January 20, 2006 at 4:01 PM
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word.smith
Yes. You're absolutely right and experience doesn't moderate the worry in the way I wish it would.
posted by
malcolm
on January 17, 2006 at 7:08 AM
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Unfortunately, it's when each situation is over and done with
that we realize just how much time we've wasted needlessly worrying.
posted by
word.smith
on January 17, 2006 at 6:25 AM
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word.smith
Thank you so much for this and your continued support. I do get things entirely out of proportion, often and worry about them, even though I tell myself that I don't. I guess that is the downside of an imaginative Piscean mind?
posted by
malcolm
on January 17, 2006 at 5:21 AM
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Sometimes, and I'm speaking from my point of view,
I worry about a particular thing and then at the slightest provocation blast off on something totally unrelated. It happens. The good thing is that you realize what is happening with your wife and are prepared to work around it. Not everybody would be prepared to take the attitude you have.
posted by
word.smith
on January 17, 2006 at 4:43 AM
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Blanche_DuBois
Thank you. I do feel you're right i.e. the opportunity to break the cycle. I think I failed because I felt that after all these years the underlying causes of that cycle had been dealt with. At least I now know that not to be the case and so, yes, I can deal with it and hopefully not let Susan and I down again, regardless of the 'who is right and who is wrong' debate. That defensive attitude just makes everyone feel miserable - principally me - and look where it leads to on life's major stages?
posted by
malcolm
on January 17, 2006 at 12:41 AM
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avant-garde
Thanks again. Words of wisdom indeed.
posted by
malcolm
on January 17, 2006 at 12:38 AM
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Thanks Anthony
My problem is that I see the world through rose-tinted spectacles as it is!
posted by
malcolm
on January 17, 2006 at 12:37 AM
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wislon
Thanks. Made me laugh then made me think...
posted by
malcolm
on January 17, 2006 at 12:36 AM
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There is no easy answer to this one
A married man should think twice, speak once and duck quickly.
posted by
wislon
on January 16, 2006 at 6:49 PM
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Malcolm
Welcome to the human race ole hoss. Now forgive yourself, love your wifey and bring her over 'ere for a rent free holiday
Oh give her a rose mate
posted by
WileyJohn
on January 16, 2006 at 3:49 PM
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malcolm
I do believe that unconditional love can heal the most terrible psychological malady; but, having said that, giving it in each instance is not easily chosen. I know I think that I will 'lose' if I love instead of defend myself; but, as you have seen, the thing you try to save you actually lose by being defensive.
posted by
avant-garde
on January 16, 2006 at 1:16 PM
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Malcolm,
These patterns are deeply ingrained, it takes much concerted conscious effort to not fall into them, but you have and are becoming conscious of them, and most of all, conscious of not repeating them, so thereby you have the opportunity to break out of them. Even if you do fall, there is still the opportunity to apologize, discuss, and repair much damage instead of repeating cycle after cycle. Best of wishes, perhaps you need to have a long discussion about this when you feel the moment is right.
posted by
Blanche.
on January 16, 2006 at 12:31 PM
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Thanks aria4
Maybe also these soundchecks reveal the beautiful music in our midst which is far too precious to endanger?
posted by
malcolm
on January 16, 2006 at 12:23 PM
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Malcolm-we are oriented to lash out at people without weighing the consequeces. Sometimes when people lash out it should not be taken personally. You just have to learn how to deal with emotion when it is directed at you unintentionally. Cheer up! better days are coming.
posted by
Aria4
on January 16, 2006 at 7:14 AM
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