Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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Quirky,
Accept what cannot be changed and change what can be changed if it needs to be changed...I think that is the secret to learning to love your self...or at least the first step. I'm not sure what else to say other than here is a HUG
posted by
SincerityAnna
on March 18, 2006 at 12:35 PM
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Quirky
Thanks for the connection to AC through Ariala luv.
posted by
WileyJohn
on March 17, 2006 at 11:28 AM
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Same thing happened with my dad, although I was fifteen at the time...still an impressionable age, but you learn to live with it. Thing is, pain like that will never go away completely, only become more bearable with time and love from friends and family. But don't let it hold you back! You're a wonderful person and we all love you!
posted by
Tandra
on March 17, 2006 at 4:37 AM
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quirky
I think that you will always have these feelings, because you learned them in your formative years. However, you have risen to the challenges presented to you in a remarkable way. I admire you and think you are beautiful.
posted by
avant-garde
on March 17, 2006 at 3:37 AM
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Quirky,
It's amazing how impressions from such a young age can stick with us into adulthood; even when we've gained the wisdom to know the truth. I'm glad to hear you write this, though. It's accurate and healthy.
posted by
SpitFire70
on March 16, 2006 at 10:33 PM
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Quirky
I know what you are talking about. I have lived with that.
And I have learned to love myself because I know we all come from a love whose thought I am.
And so are you. A loving thought of a supreme creator.
posted by
WileyJohn
on March 16, 2006 at 8:25 PM
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I think you have to learn to FLY Finally Love Yourself! That means take care of you first.
posted by
Whacky
on March 16, 2006 at 7:39 PM
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We Must Accept Ourselves
It took me a while before I was able to free myself from negative comments by my parents! I realize that many parents are not equipped with skills that would let them know the harmful effects of their words. Nice post!
posted by
Dr_JPT
on March 16, 2006 at 7:10 PM
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Quirky,
It's a lifelong process. I'm not "fixed", but I keep trying.
posted by
Blanche.
on March 16, 2006 at 4:58 PM
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Blanche--
Well, I want to thank you for your words, and for sharing your personal stuff with me. If only there were an "easy fix" for issues like this!
posted by
Julia.
on March 16, 2006 at 4:55 PM
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Georgia--
yes, we all have things from our upbringing that we need to overcome, right? Thanks for being so sweet and complimentary. Give Ollie a hug from Aunt Quirky!
posted by
Julia.
on March 16, 2006 at 4:52 PM
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QuirkyAlone,
That's where I wish I could help you, I know there's always a disconnect between head and heart. I had issues more with my mother than father, kept wondering why I'd feel attacked when I wanted affection. It took a long time to separate and feel more like a child of God than a child of my family, whose love seemed conditional.
posted by
Blanche.
on March 16, 2006 at 4:50 PM
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Merry--
Honestly, you don't think of yourself as a good person on the inside? Did I misread that? If not...Wow...that surprises me...you seem so happy, cheerful and well-adjusted to me, so it's hard to see how you could have those feelings. Maybe it IS all the therapy...lol.
posted by
Julia.
on March 16, 2006 at 4:50 PM
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Blanche--
I suppose some of those feelings are universal, and everyone has issues of one sort or another. I have realized the same things you did, intellectually, but turning those realizations into positive emotions is where I get stymied.
posted by
Julia.
on March 16, 2006 at 4:47 PM
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Sassy--
Oh, is that all?? Well...giddyup! lol.
posted by
Julia.
on March 16, 2006 at 4:44 PM
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Oh, Quirks!
I wish I knew the answer to this! My father lived his life according to his own rules and thought it was fine to bring me along for the ride ... tons of traveling, changing schools every 2 years, etc ... I'm thankful for the experiences his vagabond life afforded me, but am still trying to figure out how to establish a stable life for myself without being "stuck". It's hard! I do know that you are so talented and caring - wherever that came from, it's a good thing! You are truly wonderful and talented!
posted by
Georgia
on March 16, 2006 at 4:02 PM
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Although I don't
believe that I am a good person on the inside, I do have a certain amount of self confidence and self acceptance. I'm not sure how or why the two can exist with in me - but they do. Maybe it's all that therapy!
posted by
MerryAnne
on March 16, 2006 at 2:44 PM
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QuirkyAlone,
I've been through the same thing: fighting for self-esteem through external things, good grades, being a "good" friend, and listener (although I do believe in that for it's own sake, really, part of it was to earn points), looks, cultivating a unique "style", learning a language that's different, but I could go right back to that self-hating spot, too.
I realized a few years ago that I had too high of expectations for myself, higher than I had for anyone else, that were unattainable, so I felt I never could meet them and felt stuck and paralyzed. I don't try to consciously compare myself to other people, but once I realized that, and also felt an unconditional love of God, I became a much happier person, more sanguine and content. I still have things I want to accomplish, but not to "prove my worth" to anyone, not my family and not myself.
posted by
Blanche.
on March 16, 2006 at 2:21 PM
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Hehehe Quirky
It only took me several years of therapy and a few thousand dollars to figure out what I already knew. Good luck to you!
posted by
Sherri_G
on March 16, 2006 at 1:59 PM
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Sassy--
That is a wonderful response, thank you so much. I think one of the most important things is to praise yourself for the things you do right. I try to remember to tell myself I am proud of me, even for the smallest things, because I feel they all add up.
Thanks again for your great comment.
posted by
Julia.
on March 16, 2006 at 1:58 PM
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That is a tough question
I used to feel all of these things due to being a product of a dysfunctional family. I now know better. I have learned that you must accept your flaws and draw on your strengths. Do things that you enjoy, eat things that you love and give yourself praise for a job well done. People who have learned to love themselves will never allow others to take advantage of them. It took me many years to figure this out, but now other people are drawn to my strength. I am just happy being who I am, because its all that I have to offer.
posted by
Sherri_G
on March 16, 2006 at 1:54 PM
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