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Domesticated beasts are truly a wondrous blessing bestowed (by the Lord) upon all humankind.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 15, 2006 at 1:20 AM
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Oh shit!
I finally got to read your cat story and it was hilarious. Better than my dog farts. I have one dog that has long hair and occasionally there will be a few bowel movements missing in the backyard and guess where I found them? Stuck to my dog's harry butt. I didn't us tongs, but instead used paper towels and then washed his butt. I have three dogs, 1 cat and 4 birds. Arn't pets grand. I love um.
Bellzee
posted by
Bellzee
on May 12, 2006 at 7:01 PM
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Holy crap...
Our cat is so old, she can't seem to make it to the litter box, or doesn't want to, or whatever. And she had taken to peeing in the heat vents, which, really fills the house. But salad tongs on a clingon, that has to be the topper.
posted by
food4thought
on April 29, 2006 at 5:35 PM
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at least he was sure of getting some pussy. lol.
posted by
scriber
on April 29, 2006 at 7:56 AM
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I suspect in some of those cases, scriber ...
the guy probably just used alcohol as an
excuse.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 29, 2006 at 7:30 AM
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reminds of my old favorite, come home drunk, toss out the wife and fuck the
cat.
posted by
scriber
on April 29, 2006 at 7:02 AM
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As I mentioned previously, Jack ...
keep in mind, it was well past 3:30 in the morning at the time. It was a miracle I could function mentally at all.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 29, 2006 at 6:52 AM
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Nor should you, shellyb.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 29, 2006 at 6:49 AM
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Perhaps, Witchflower ...
though I have a few other (more pressing) issues to get to first.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 29, 2006 at 6:48 AM
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It was late, Ann ...
my brain was not exactly functioning at optimum speed.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 29, 2006 at 6:45 AM
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Thank you, brettnik ...
I'll take that sign of disgust as a compliment.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 29, 2006 at 6:44 AM
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Mademoiselle,
I think that story would have bothered me, but I just finished changing a litter box. I have to confess, though, that the tong operation is not one that I can quite get used to. I think I would have come up with some other idea for that. Maybe you need to change the cat food or something. How
GROSS!
posted by
Jack_Flash
on April 29, 2006 at 3:06 AM
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I'll never use salad tongs again. 
posted by
shelly_b
on April 28, 2006 at 7:11 PM
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Very entertaining
and well-written. Love the story. So far, we haven't had to do that. But I will admit to worrying about the salad tongs. So,
is there a sequel?
posted by
Witchflower
on April 28, 2006 at 3:33 PM
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I would have used newspapers or disposables. I suppose there is a sequel to this. :)
(A)
posted by
A-and-B
on April 28, 2006 at 2:43 PM
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EWWWWWWW. And I mean that. Very effectively told.
posted by
brettnik
on April 28, 2006 at 1:43 PM
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I'll pass, Penguin ...
Despite my love for italian food.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 12:50 PM
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I think we are going to have spaghetti for dinner tonight, and a really
really really nice salad. Mademoiselle...would you please toss the salad? I already put the tongs in there, so all you need to do is toss. Thank you.
posted by
penguinrock26
on April 28, 2006 at 12:39 PM
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Actually, Fiona, I think I better burn them.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 12:27 PM
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Don't cats just have the strangest knack
for emiiting disgusting smells just as you're about to sleep. Sox does it all the time. There is no possible way to ignore that smell. My advice about the tongs - toss them out.
posted by
fionajean
on April 28, 2006 at 12:09 PM
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And here I thought ...
the operative word was "
no".
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 12:08 PM
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I don't need no stinkin' joy M.
operative word being stinkin'
posted by
FactorFiction
on April 28, 2006 at 11:57 AM
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That's a good one, Rumored ...
This post initially included a rather alliterative use of the word "feces", but then I said to myself, "I think it's probably gross enough already."
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 11:56 AM
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But they can bring such tremendous joy, as well, FoF!
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 11:53 AM
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Tongs left on the table, huh? (gulp)...
Was that "tong in cheek?"
posted by
Rumor
on April 28, 2006 at 11:47 AM
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Note to self
No cats.
posted by
FactorFiction
on April 28, 2006 at 11:44 AM
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That's very wise, Talion ...
I wish I had been able to pass the task on to someone else.
I'm still shocked by the size and scent of my cat's scat. I was totally unaware it would be this way when we brought him home.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 11:15 AM
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That's too funny, strat ... you know some cats actually "wipe" by ...
scooting their asses across the carpet.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 11:11 AM
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No, Renigade ... I think it would probably be advisable.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 11:09 AM
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How were her hands the next morning, Cesium?
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 11:08 AM
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Wow! Thank you very much, Uncle Dave.
I really appreciate that ... especially coming from you.
On a related note, I'm not sure if you were aware of this, but Joseph and I were very close (at one point). However, we had a slight "falling out".
Btw, I hope and expect him to be back pretty soon. Even if it it does appear grave, at the moment.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 11:07 AM
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Mason, my mother (who had never heard this before) said,
"You better have washed those tongs first thing in the morning."
I was like, "Um, yeeaahhh, of course I did. Don't be silly."
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 11:02 AM
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Two of our three cats have long hair, so this happens all the time. So often, in fact, that my wife and I know the source without having to search for it. Salad tongs? Queen V uses latex gloves, the kind used in hospitals to handle other biohazardous wastes. At least I think she does. I make it a point to be in another room when it's time for extraction.
posted by
Talion
on April 28, 2006 at 9:14 AM
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That's hilarious!
I must post someday about my mentally ill cat, who was universally known by all as "Shitty Kitty." He absolutely refused to use a box, preferring instead to leave loaded mounds right by door frames so that when you opened one, it would smear it right across the floor.
Putrid? Could knock a buzzard off the proverbial doo doo wagon!
posted by
strat
on April 28, 2006 at 9:05 AM
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You won't mind if I pass on the salad, will you?
posted by
Renigade
on April 28, 2006 at 8:19 AM
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Tongs on the table?
Well that's not the worst sleepy act I have heard of.
Someone went into the kitchen. Took down a glass. Another glass followed suit and crashed into the sink. She filled her glass with water. Drank it. Then put it in the sink, and promptly picked up the broken glass and put it back on the shelf.
posted by
AlienInsomniac
on April 28, 2006 at 2:53 AM
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Excruciatingly funny, Maddy. Excellent writing.
Quality gems such as 'putrid payload' really make it, plus the Joe Lovesque examination of the everyday, deadpan delivery and leaving us with the cliffhanger.
Great stuff. Enjoyed this very much. No apologies required for length - this was great.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on April 28, 2006 at 1:42 AM
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..sweet revenge... if Pavel grabs his hot breakfast toast with the tongs...
posted by
MasonGarrett
on April 28, 2006 at 1:21 AM
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Also, to whom it may concern:
I apologize for the monstrous length of this post. But there was really no way around it.
Anyways, I'll be splitting my (even more horrifying) blender story into two parts, to avoid another "epic".
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 12:04 AM
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Fortunately, it's only happened once so far, Thomas.
Next time, I'm letting my mother handle it.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 28, 2006 at 12:01 AM
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The aroma of the beast. Good story. I enjoyed it. I've been there too but with dogs. Usually when you go to grab it...they turn real quick and sit on it. Then, you gotta pull them up by the tail.
posted by
ThomasFranklin
on April 27, 2006 at 11:48 PM
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The aroma of the beast. Good story. I enjoyed it. I've been there too but with dogs. Usually when you go to grab it...they turn real quick and sit on it. Then, you gotta pull them up by the tail.
posted by
ThomasFranklin
on April 27, 2006 at 11:48 PM
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Thank you, SongBird ...
We've been putting yogurt in his food for a while now, and it really seems to be helping his digestion. This incident notwithstanding.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 27, 2006 at 11:05 PM
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You can quarter fold paper towels and pull it out,
if it ever happens again. You might also make sure your kitty's getting enough fiber in his diet. Obviously, it's a constipation problem.
Good luck to your both...
posted by
songbirdshafer
on April 27, 2006 at 11:00 PM
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Um, thank you, fourcats.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on April 27, 2006 at 10:21 PM
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you said you weren't going to post photos of your cat's BMs but i
believe you just did,
literally.
posted by
fourcats
on April 27, 2006 at 10:13 PM
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