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YOU'LL NEED LIME TOO
A SHOVEL,LIME, AND MAYBE SOME NEW GRASS OR PLANTS TO COVER A FRESH BURIAL. BY THE WAY-IF YOU CAN DO THAT TO MOM--- CAN I INTRODUCE TO MY EX? I'LL HELP YOU DIG. JUST KIDDING..........................................SORT OF.
posted by
HEARMENOW
on June 6, 2006 at 10:40 PM
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Oh, that's right ... I remember hearing about that, now.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 25, 2006 at 9:18 PM
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m--they just tore down the barn today; have to dig through the concrete
floor now looking.
posted by
scriber
on May 25, 2006 at 8:55 PM
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I don't have any mental disorders or defects, Factor ...
At least, that's what the voices tell me.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 25, 2006 at 8:50 PM
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They found Hoffa's body buried under a horse farm, Scriber?
I've always wanted a pony.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 25, 2006 at 8:48 PM
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u might build a horse barn over the land, like where Hoffa may be burried.
I know, no horses.
posted by
scriber
on May 25, 2006 at 8:37 PM
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So that's a dissociative personality disorder you have then?
Or is it just the blackouts.... Oops I told people I was going to sleep...I'm not here anymore...
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 25, 2006 at 8:21 PM
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But deep down inside, Factor ...
I'm really quite sweet.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 25, 2006 at 8:19 PM
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Oh you sick girl, you...
posted by
FactorFiction
on May 25, 2006 at 8:02 PM
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Madamoiselle
Me too but the joke adjusts to whomever you're talking to. I first heard it from a Jewish girl, actually.
posted by
Burly
on May 25, 2006 at 7:37 AM
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Thanks for the info, fourcats ..
I wasn't accusing you of anything, btw.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 11:32 PM
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the 24 hours and the blood ideas are from watching way too much tv.
the breaking of the bone before cutting came from reading about mountain climber aron ralston. highly experienced, he was doing a solo climb when an 800 pound boulder shifted, pinning his right hand. for six days he was stuck until he had no option, it was do or die. with only a dull pocketknife, he first twisted his arm until he broke both his radius and ulna at the wrist, then he sawed himself free.
'As for the sometimes searing sensations, he said, "I felt pain and i coped with it."' -People magazine - Amazing Stories of Survival.
posted by
fourcats
on May 24, 2006 at 11:26 PM
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I'm sure she would appreciate that, Blanche.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 8:53 PM
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You seem awfully knowledgable on the subject, fourcats.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 8:52 PM
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A dog house might arouse suspicion, Scriber ...
unless I bought a dog along with it.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 8:50 PM
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Fortunately, Ann, our neighbors are only ...
neighbors in the loosest sense of the word. The houses are not what anyone would call "close by".
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 8:49 PM
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I'm glad you clarified your comment, Burly ... because I was gonna say!
Meanwhile, I've heard that joke before, though only in reference to Jewish women.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 8:46 PM
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Are you speaking from experience, Rumored?
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 8:42 PM
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Your mother has my sympathies, Mademoiselle,
Talion has some very good pointers, though. I should take notes.
posted by
Blanche.
on May 24, 2006 at 8:00 PM
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okay, the missing persons report is the tough one 'cause your mom works
so i don't really have an answer for that one other than it's my belief every criminal gets a 24 hour head start....i mean, a person can't submit a missing person report for 24 hours. the blood is easy but it means you have to take one for the team (if one person can
be a team - maybe ask kobe bryant about that). smear
your own blood as well - lots of it. the cutting through bone is the easy one.
break the bone first,
then saw through the flesh.
posted by
fourcats
on May 24, 2006 at 3:14 PM
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plant flowers or put dog house on disturbed land.
posted by
scriber
on May 24, 2006 at 2:35 PM
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I don't talk to my neighbors much so I won't notice their disappearances. Bleach or Magic Sponge are helpful. Mean words cut through bone. Lol.
(A)
posted by
A-and-B
on May 24, 2006 at 2:09 PM
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M
PPS.. That reminds me of the old joke.. how do you stop a Russian girl from having sex? You marry her! (Polish, Jewish, Estonian, German, etc..)
posted by
Burly
on May 24, 2006 at 1:26 PM
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M
Obviously, you couldn't do that with your mother but we're from different galaxies.
posted by
Burly
on May 24, 2006 at 1:07 PM
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Madamoseille
No problem! If I want to disappear, I just make a move on my wife and she pretends I'm not there.. sometimes for days! Gives me some breathing room!
posted by
Burly
on May 24, 2006 at 1:05 PM
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a good old fashioned chainsaw will work, but its noisy..:)
posted by
Rumor
on May 24, 2006 at 12:58 PM
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I've never tried it. -- uh --
I mean, I never heard of it being used...
posted by
strat
on May 24, 2006 at 12:23 PM
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Thank you so much for the help, Strat!
Btw, would tarantula venom work in lieu of the snake kind?
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 12:08 PM
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Already seen it, TallAndSkinny ...
And no, I'm not.
However, I have been trying to convince someone that I'd be pretty good on his (future) radio show.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 12:06 PM
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It's not the presence that's noticeable,
it's the smell.
Miter saws are great for cutting through bone.
Clorox and snake venom is good for removing bloodstains.
Or so I've heard....
posted by
strat
on May 24, 2006 at 12:05 PM
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Just Watch
...the movie "Unfaithful" (with Richard Gere). They give you a good demonstration in there about how to dispose of a body, + it's Hollywood so you know it's totally realistic.
Are you a stand up comedian during your off-Blogit hours?
--Shawn, "Tall and Skinny Jokester"
posted by
TallAndSkinnyPoet
on May 24, 2006 at 12:00 PM
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My mother is (fairly) popular in the neighborhood though, Cesium ...
I think her absence may be rather noticeable.
Plus there are her coworkers to consider, as well.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 11:27 AM
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Mam'selle
Aha! I thought so!
posted by
ariel70
on May 24, 2006 at 11:26 AM
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Exactly, Ariel!
That's precisely the point.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 11:25 AM
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I don't think the neighbors would notice me until much later,
Seeing that I haven't spent a lot of time getting to know them.
posted by
AlienInsomniac
on May 24, 2006 at 11:21 AM
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Mam'selle
ER ... how can one post a post that says that they aren't posting a post right now? Or entering and entry, if you like?
You don't have to read this if you don't want to, 'cos I didn't post it anyway.
posted by
ariel70
on May 24, 2006 at 11:16 AM
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On second thought, Talion ...
Perhaps I should just pin it on my brother.
Who would take his word over mine?
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 11:13 AM
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You were abducted. They took you in your car. Of course this could do more harm than good. Hoping to find you alive and unharmed, the cops will pull out all the stops searching for you. When the media got wind of it, you being young and blonde and pretty and all, your picture would be on every front page and running endlessly on every cable news channel. (Too bad you're not black. No one would bother to look for you.) Better just make a break for it.
You'd better fake a forced entry too, break a window from the outside, maybe jimmy the lock on the door. This'll fake out the cops for a moment or two, but overall, they aren't stupid. Because you're not laying there next to her, you're a suspect and will be treated accordingly.
posted by
Talion
on May 24, 2006 at 11:10 AM
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But I figured I'd leave my car at the house, Talion ...
That way everyone would assume I'd been abducted.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 10:45 AM
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Nothing really gets rid of blood. They have this chemical analysis procedure that can pick up stains not visible to the naked eye. You'll have to replace everything and repaint the walls to be sure, but it you're planning a speedy getaway, it's unnecessary to go through all that trouble. The same goes for "disposal." If you really want to conceal the time of death to strengthen an alibi, turn up the heat full blast. It speeds decay. Of course the scent will give it away sooner, so there's a trade-off. Flying isn't a good idea. In this post 9-11 world, flying leaves too many records. They'll quickly know exactly where you went. Drive.
posted by
Talion
on May 24, 2006 at 10:35 AM
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I will try, Karl ...
It's just hard ... what with having a plane to catch in less than an hour and all.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on May 24, 2006 at 10:09 AM
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Dear , Be calm and relaxed.----Karldean
posted by
Karldean
on May 24, 2006 at 10:04 AM
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