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A good point. It takes what it takes to heal over. No matter how faint
though, I do believe that the scar will endure, but there is a point when the injured party no longer has to hide the the injured skin of the soul. I hope you get my meaning here. It sounds pessimistic, but it's not - your main point overrides - when it's healed, it's healed, and you can fully go on at that point. For each person, it's different.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 5, 2006 at 8:28 AM
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Amen to that!
with love
Vib
posted by
Vibrance
on September 5, 2006 at 8:22 AM
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Julia
Good post my friend. In my own case I talked with a psychotherapist for 28 years, only recently she kind of dismissed me. lol
When I hadn't heard from her for a while I called to say hello. She said,
"I'm fine and so are you, I don't worry about you anymore, you're fine."
So there Julia, it can take a long time, and by times I still have the depression luv
posted by
WileyJohn
on September 5, 2006 at 8:17 AM
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I respect your experience-- and it allows with to speak with passion on the
subject. Shalom---but do u think it is good to visit a Chruch/synagogue/temple or a counsellor to get a minimum of help and advice?
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on September 4, 2006 at 1:32 PM
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You are right!
When I complained for years about the same situation, I was seeking help. But no one would help me. What hurts, when I was there for those same people listening to those same problems for 2 to 3 years. I said to myself, I'm tired of hearing about that but I never told them that. I honored those people by showing them respect by listening until they got over it. I never met a group of people who accused me of being selfish, or its all about you, or people saying I got problems too until I went through my drama. It hurts, sometimes you do feel like you're by yourself. Today, I don't talk to many people because of it but I'm learning to say tomorrow will be a better day because today was pure hell! - angelle
posted by
charice
on September 4, 2006 at 1:14 PM
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An excellent post, Julia!
I had never suffered a broken heart such as the one I am trying to heal now, and just when i think I've got a handle on it, it jumps up and bites me, ripping open the wound yet again. I am facing the one year anniversary, Sept. 5, when I was asked to change my life drastically and I said I would. I was asked again on Oct. 5, and my heart was soaring and then cut down in mid-flight; a stinger missle she fired and it hit us both as we were joined together at last -- at last........ it all went to hell in a handbasket two weeks later. Even though I realize it had to turn out the way that it did, it was writing about it from my heart that saved my sanity. I never said "get over it" before I had this experience and I especially couldn't say it now. Healing is a very personal ordeal.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on September 4, 2006 at 1:05 PM
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What you SHOULD do
is whatever is right for you!!!!
posted by
bel_1965
on September 4, 2006 at 12:20 PM
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traumatic
I wrote something very similar about a week ago. I feel I am very strong but that has come over the years and much to take place in my life. Such as lost of a long lived marriage and death of both parents. That will strengthen the weakest.
posted by
Lanetay
on September 4, 2006 at 10:10 AM
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Agree, It Depends on the Person
posted by
Dr_JPT
on September 4, 2006 at 6:40 AM
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How Long to get over a Traumatic event
I am so pleased to read your thoughts on this issue of 'Healing'-coming to terms-whatever. For myself I have found that each traumatic event may be 'put into an envelope' in the mind and each time I take it out and open it up-it gets easier--but--as you so rightly say-there is NO time limit! Bye Chris
posted by
Scramble
on September 4, 2006 at 6:18 AM
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Julia, you're absolutely right about there being no time limits...
those who are so quick to say "get over it" probably have a dozen things in their own lives to get over....or they are just completely lacking in compassion..or maybe both....
posted by
Rumor
on September 4, 2006 at 6:03 AM
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Wow....I have found you!!!!!
I recognised your blog title....but you have changed your name.....duh obviously!
I have missed your posts....I agree it does take some time to 'get over' but we all can eventually with no time limit though
posted by
_Symphony_
on September 4, 2006 at 4:13 AM
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such post are always welcome.. thanks dear
posted by
naorem
on September 4, 2006 at 4:09 AM
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Absolutely right!
God bless.
posted by
songbirdshafer
on September 4, 2006 at 12:29 AM
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Good post
Every person deals with tragedy their own way and in their own time. The best one can do is offer loyal support.
posted by
Tanga
on September 3, 2006 at 10:12 PM
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True!!!
Thanks for posting that! I have had too many people telling me that I shouldn't hurt over losing my father since it's been nearly two years. I
hate that!
posted by
Jemmie211
on September 3, 2006 at 8:49 PM
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thanks Spitfire--
good to see you 'round these parts again!
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2006 at 8:46 PM
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terpgirl--
oddly enough, I had that sentence at the very beginning of my post and moved it to the end for some reason, LOL.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2006 at 8:45 PM
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katray--
...simply human--how beautiful and profound that statement is. Thanks for your comment!
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2006 at 8:44 PM
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blanche--
I'm not a big fan of that "stronger" quote either. I suppose it could be true for some people, but certainly not everyone, and I don't think it applies to me either.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2006 at 8:43 PM
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fourcats--
yes I believe there is much that can be said about that.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2006 at 8:41 PM
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bhaskar--
I very much agree with you, particularly about the deny and detach sentence. Some of my family members have done this as their way of coping with what occurred and they do seem okay on the outside, yet I feel certain that the inside is much much different.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2006 at 8:40 PM
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whacky--
thanks for reading.
posted by
Julia.
on September 3, 2006 at 8:38 PM
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J, well said, my friend.
Everyone is different and there can be no set time etched in stone.
posted by
SpitFire70
on September 3, 2006 at 8:16 PM
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Julia
As soon as I read your first sentence, oddly enough, the LAST sentence you said is what came to my head. Pain is an odd thing---both physical and mental. Sometimes you have to push people forward and make them face it or they stall, but when it comes to GRIEF...you don't touch that.
posted by
terpgirl30
on September 3, 2006 at 7:38 PM
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Very true and powerful statements Julia..
Many appear tense and unsure around the sorrows and oft the joys of other's - Hearts frozen, arms rigid - fear of their own vunerabilities perhaps.
I don't feel brave when I listen/offer words of comfort that may arise or open my arms for hugs - simply human. How right that we heal at our own pace, there is no schedule. Thanks for the thought inducing post. Take care.
posted by
Katray2
on September 3, 2006 at 6:56 PM
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Julia., you said it so perfectly
I've been told that there is a test called the Holmes Life Stress Test, and that there are point values assigned to traumatic events, like death, divorce, etc. I don't mean that that assigns an absolute value to pain, but that it recognizes that there are some things that take a huge toll on a person's emotional and physical wellbeing. Stress is cumulative. I've never liked the Nietzsche quote, "Whatever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" because it simply isn't true, imho.
The straw that broke the camels back is closer to the mark, I believe. No one has the right to mock or belittle someone else's pain, ever. It speaks volumes about the character of the lack of empathy of those who do, and it reflects more on them, than on the person they're mocking, but it still takes its toll.
posted by
Blanche.
on September 3, 2006 at 6:56 PM
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i took a writing course once and we spent an entire class talking about
the error/ego of including the words "you should" in a passage when addressing someone.
posted by
fourcats
on September 3, 2006 at 6:52 PM
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Julia, that was very thoughtfully written and makes one ponder how long?
Here's my contribution to that question...
We have to be prepared to accept pain, or else we will never dare to hope or to love. Without the readiness to feel, which must include feeling pain, we will never know joy. To deny and detach yourself from disappointments and tragedies is to lose a part of your soul. Pain is part of being alive, but it does not last for ever, and it is bearable. Broken hearts, like broken bones, ultimately heal – and there is life beyond the hurting.
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on September 3, 2006 at 6:37 PM
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That is true we are all different.
posted by
Whacky
on September 3, 2006 at 6:33 PM
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