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I mentioned the streaking, as I came out of the '70s so it was very
ironic for me. That wasn't the worst that happened that night. She could have gotten herself really hurt. It was poor judgment, and she was really lucky. I had to keep coming back at her that I wasn't really, really mad about the streaking part. The stuff I was upset with her for that night was stuff she didn't get in trouble for. She was grabbed for the streaking. Yes, it is a riot to me.
She was with about 4 guys. Most of her friends in high school were male. She thought it was odd that the 2 a.m. shift at the supermarket stopped and cheered when she went through. Yeah, that's really odd. She said it so sincerely, too.
My daughter is one of those people who has always had to learn the lessons the hard way on her own. I just have to hold my breath sometimes. :)
posted by
terpgirl30
on October 4, 2006 at 8:30 PM
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your daughter streaked through the local superfresh!?! how ironicly
delicious! i love her!
sounds like you have really healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids and i wouldn't worry too much. ultimately, they're going to make their own decisions regardless of whose advice they're taking and that will be their life of their making.
posted by
fourcats
on October 4, 2006 at 10:38 AM
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You are all right, and I know it.
Maj, you're more right because you said it twice. (Tap, tap, tap. Hello, Hello...Is this thing on?)
Maj are you located in Omaha? I wouldn't be good with them doing that. It's crazy given I've looked at a job bank in Spain as well as Alaska and Alabama recently. (I'm not going in alphabetical order, I swear.)
I know all of these points logically with grandma, and I know she was pulling a bit of a power card, but I just think of how she's making these two kids feel. I got the lecture from my own mom that I can't come out on the woman just because it is a family thing, and hopefully, these two (the kids) will stay together until the end of days, so we have to get along. I really, really like the woman, too. There's no worry of me sounding off. Regardless of how this irritates me and hurts me, she's older, and I wouldn't say anything disrespectful to her. The age thing aside, I wouldn't do it because Amanda loves her grandma, and I don't want to put her in a bad spot. She has no control over the situation.
I'll get over it all. By late last night, my son popped in and said they would just stay with me until the end of the semester precisely because of the grandmother's comments. By tonight though, he was back to himself, and said rationally that it made no sense to leave when I have all this space. And it's not just me helping them. I'm in a huge house by myself. Winter is coming, and Ryan is my slow plow operator. I can do it, but heck, I have responsibility for what was shared by two people before. It's a win/win situation.
I'll confess, I love the dinners with them. We got all crazy with work schedules and school schedules, and ended up passing here and there, grunting hello's. They have late classes on Mondays and share another class on Tuesdays, so she's always over here anyway. I've set it up so we have a big dinner on Tuesdays. If there is one thing I miss about my former life, it's the sitting down to dinner thing. It's something I thought I'd always have. It's not like I'm a great chef or even love to cook, but it has been my experience that the best things that happen within a family happen over the dinner table --- or are discussed as you sit around afterwards. I've never understood families who do the tray table thing where everyone does their own thing.
When my daughter lived with me, I always had an extra group of kids. We would always pick whatever was going on in the world or some sort of ethical thing and kick it around. No heated arguments, but really, really good conversation. People really underestimate small children and teenagers. They have a way of putting complicated things into perspective...and they really listen to you (on the big-picture things, not the pick-up-your-laundry things :) ). They listen better than adults because they're more open. I have learned a lot over my various dinner tables.
We also had a rule when my daughter was coming up. If you came to my house for dinner more than once, you could take out the trash. More than a handful, you got to dust. The regulars did yard work. (And they volunteered which I know would shock their parents.) Most of these kids came from families who wintered in the Cayman islands or the like, and they were asking if I would let them live with me. I used to not understand it, but when I would see how their parents blew them off and dismissed their comments and thoughts, I guess I grew to understand.)
So, you're (the collective group) right, it's not a mama's boy thing with my son. I investigated a school in Germany for him. It would hurt being far apart, but at this point, I feel the same way about Amanda as well. I'd miss her just as much.
At this stage of my life age wise, I know the family thing as I had it is over. The ex has a small child again, and he will get that chance again... and I hope he takes advantage of it this time. It looks like he gets it now. I have a real gut feeling that I'll end up with foster kids. I doubt the powers that be would let me adopt at this point.
Maj, I read some of your stuff on solving various problems, and I agree with much of it, but especially the children/family part. The blood thing was never a big deal to me. I wouldn't trade mine, but there are so many out there who just need someone, and my gut is I could be the someone. Don't get me wrong, btw, I think the fact that I'm super busy comes through loud and clear here. I just think we must make room for kids who aren't getting a fair shake or attention. They are the future, and regardless of what you read, they require so little. They just want to be heard. I say all this having been put through the wringer by teenagers over the years. I've made trips to the hospital, the county jail, etc. My daughter decided to streak through the local Superfresh at age 17. It's one of those things that seems funny to a 17 year old. I've just always thought you learn as much, if not more, from the trying bad times. I hope I get the chance to do more of that one day.
Wow, that turned into the mini rant or soapbox thing. Sorry. :)
posted by
terpgirl30
on October 3, 2006 at 11:45 PM
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"Try not to let it bother you" seems like a dumb thing to say,
but that's all I can really come up with. I know it's not easy, but really, you shouldn't care what Granny thinks or says. You know YOU and Granny doesn't...
posted by
Julia.
on October 3, 2006 at 4:35 PM
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Well, the pain didn't kill you, so you'll be stronger because of it...
two things: A) grandma doesn't know you, so she's making unwarranted assumptions without any evidence. She was trying to do what's best for her granddaughter, so maybe you can accept her motives without agreeing with what she said. Maybe you'll even find a way to forgive her.
B) It's not personal. Her comments were not aimed at you, but at the situation in general. If you can do it, talk to your son and his future wife about grandma's good intentions and remind them that she really doesn't have all the information they and you are familiar with.
Don't mention that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
posted by
Pat_B
on October 3, 2006 at 8:59 AM
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Hmmmmmm. Echoes in here...
posted by
majroj
on October 3, 2006 at 8:36 AM
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And Granny is exercising the preprogative of post-menopausal women
since time immemorial...outrageously speaking her mind while plotting the course of her family.
(Sorry about the typeface and lack of emphasis, that toolbar didn't appear.
posted by
majroj
on October 3, 2006 at 8:35 AM
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And Granny is exercising the preprogative of post-menopausal women
since time immemorial...outrageously speaking her mind while plotting the course of her family.
(Sorry about the typeface and lack of emphasis, that toolbar didn't appear.
posted by
majroj
on October 3, 2006 at 8:35 AM
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Move 'em to Omaha. Neutral territory, hard winters and hot summers.
Good university, lower rents than many places, relatively low crime, lots of low-paying (entry-level) jobs...and 1500 miles from each coast, about midway between the Gulf and Canada. Folks can be far more friendly and cordial than on the Coasts. Cheap used cars (always rusted out, buy one, flog it to death, then buy another). Wide range of religious and social communities, but Christian and Catholic are predominant.
Then it will be a battle as to how much support everyone can send them, rather what one family member thinks about another. It will either forge their relationship, or destroy it.
posted by
majroj
on October 3, 2006 at 8:32 AM
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