Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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- Go to There's no place more alone than lying naked next to one who doesn't care
Yes...
I remember you as Quirky...ah...and I was starting to think that there was nobody I knew on here anymore...there are...you all just changed your names on me...haha
posted by
MiaElla
on October 22, 2006 at 12:42 PM
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Bhaskar via Julia-
Bhaskar, I was never so amourous as when I was pregnant, the whole 9 months! We had no complications having sex up till delivery and we never waited the recommended 3 weeks afterwards. No infections, but then I had natural childbirth (NO drugs) and felt so good after childbirth. No drugs to get out of my system to altar my recovery or the babies. Jay and I were always after each other and have enjoyed a lusty love life. Maybe we were the exception, but let's hope not! In 29 years, I've only turned down one romp because I was exhausted. Even with Parkinson's, I want it. Even on anti-hormone chemo in a pill for cancer, I want it. But then, Jay has always loved me and it would seem like I am truly blessed, not just lucky – no delusions, either. With older age we cuddle more, but that can lead to passion at times......
Sorry to be off the topic, but I read early on in our marriage that you put God first in your marriage, THEN the couple, and THEN the children. The better and more loving the parents, the more secure and loved your children will feel. I just had to respond to Bhaskar's comment!
Ceemarie 
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on October 22, 2006 at 10:54 AM
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julia - there are a lot of us sleeping in that single bed, men and women
alike and i think, lonelyhearts aside, that it's a far better thing.
posted by
fourcats
on October 22, 2006 at 10:49 AM
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Julia-
Julia-
Remember this guy? He did this on both my husband, Jay, and I last night as we snuggled together, falling asleep. Beanie fell asleep on top of us while we cuddled to sleep, Snoopy behind my knees (both cats purring) and the little dog, Millie against my back!
Animals are so pure, they love you unconditionally. When I brought this guy home when he was a little kitty, I knew he'd been traumatized. He still hides out or runs at loud noises, very skitterish. But now at night time, he will come for snuggles and he sleeps on top of my papers, dips his paw in my water (yucK) all beside my computer until I turn in! I'd rather have Beanie than loveless sex, even though I love sex.
What an interesting post and responses as well! I've not really experienced this but my husband and I grew close to this condition a couple of year ago. Everything was too predictable, too automated, too routine. Stating a year ago yesterday, we changed all that. It just took good communication (and our almost losing each other). We are closer than ever!
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on October 22, 2006 at 10:44 AM
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Julia
That’s because of the prevailing different attitude towards sex between man and woman. A man marries to become a husband, and a woman marries to become a wife, of course, but deeper still, to become a mother. Thus the reason that as soon as a woman becomes a mother, she loses much interest in sex, because for nine months she has co-existed with another throbbing new being. Often times the husband is bewildered by his wife’s apathy, because becoming a father does not bring a change in man, but for the wife becoming a mother brings a basic change in her. For a man therefore a woman is just an object of his bodily pleasure, an outer satisfaction; whereas for a woman, the love is deeper than the mere physical, into the psychological.
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on October 22, 2006 at 6:29 AM
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I used to have a lot of sex in order to fill a void in my life.
It works for a while but then reality creeps back in. May we both find true love this year.
posted by
Passionflower
on October 21, 2006 at 10:28 PM
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A few of us are actually desent sorts...
Or at least we try to be...
...not always sure how successful I am at that...but love is always better than lust, lust tends to leave one feeling soiled...peace...
posted by
jimmy68
on October 21, 2006 at 9:59 PM
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Boy, you can say that again!
Oh, I guess you did.
posted by
Whacky
on October 21, 2006 at 7:38 PM
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the only people that i care about loving me
is my children - not a man
posted by
ladychardonnay
on October 21, 2006 at 4:33 PM
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Julia
Mechanical sex is for the animals. How sad and demeaning to be used for another's pleasure.
But I'm afraid that that's the dismal path that our oipinion formers have led us down, and one can't see any way to enforce the mutual respect from which love so often grows. Indeed, how can there be love without respect?
I wish you all happiness and fulfillment in your life, Julia
posted by
ariel70
on October 21, 2006 at 2:44 PM
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Definitely, Julia., not to mention safer physically and mentally.
On the other hand, I would alleviate the long periods by pampering myself in other ways: massages, acupuncture, various form of energy work, and now manicures and spas, when I can afford the treats. Its not so critical now that I'm in a relationship, but at times it would make my evening to go out to dinner, have a lovely meal and flirt with the cute waiter. Just flirt, that's all, it was enough.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 21, 2006 at 2:37 PM
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blanche--
it's certainly something worth realizing no matter if you are male or female.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 2:34 PM
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naturechic--
thanks very much for reading and commenting. what you have learned is to value yourself, and that creates the most amazing feeling, doesn't it?
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 2:33 PM
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nitewriter--
yeah, true. I guess there are a lot of things that might be nice to understand from the start.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 2:31 PM
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bandanafish--
never had the desire to see what ol' Chucky was up to, and now I am sooooo glad!! lol.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 2:30 PM
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My boyfriend long ago came to the same conclusion, too, Julia., so
its definitely not just a female thing. Better to go years without huiman touch than to feel that cold, we both decided. And did.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 21, 2006 at 1:55 PM
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This is so true!
I recently have learned this truth as well. I used to give it up to all that made a slight interest in me. But now, I know I'm better than that...i'm worth more! I know it sounds cheesy, but I believe my body is sacred...it's only meant to be naked with someone who REALLY loves me...and that doesn't mean that they just say it, they have to act it...they have to make me believe they truly love me over a long period of time before I'm going to "be with them."
Thank you for posting this blog. I'm glad other women out there are finding their self-worth!!!
posted by
naturechic
on October 21, 2006 at 1:02 PM
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I agree with you
I wish that we all learned that from birth but I guess you have to live to learn it.
posted by
Nitewriter
on October 21, 2006 at 12:57 PM
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"mannequin sex" is horrible, especially that it reminds me of
one of the Chucky movies, when Chucky was having sex with another female doll (hilarious, but terrible at the same time.)
posted by
bandanafish
on October 21, 2006 at 11:51 AM
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TAPS--
ah, don't they just have the best life ever? In my next incarnation I really wish I could come back as a cat. LOL.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:33 AM
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For the moment, Julia. Its a gray, rainy day here so she is curled into a silent black ball.
posted by
TAPS.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:23 AM
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Alf--
what an interesting way to put it but yes, that does seem to describe it. I agree that it's not strictly a female perspective. thanks for reading. How is your day going?
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:22 AM
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TAPS--
thanks, I am glad you found it worth reading! Is Pitiful done licking now? LOL.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:18 AM
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Julia...
I like this post alot. It is very, very, true. It's not just true for women either. In my "travels" I have arrived at a very similar conclusion; that sex devoid of any emotional attachment is simply masturbation, using another person as a masturbatory device.
posted by
A_Norseman
on October 21, 2006 at 11:17 AM
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maggie--
thanks for your beautiful comment. Of course we are friends, we are Furby freaks! LOL.
I'm not sorry for any of my experiences, for they were the greatest teachers and revealers of profound truths.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:17 AM
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Julia, I had not read it before and I am glad that you shared it now because it is a good post.
posted by
TAPS.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:15 AM
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afzal--
it is very true, that yearning for a more connected experience is not purely a female thing. good luck and thanks for commenting!
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:14 AM
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Yep
posted by
Blanche.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:13 AM
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blanche--
that's true--blogging is an interesting way to have solitary time without actually being alone!!
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 11:12 AM
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Julia, I'm sorry you had to go through that to come to the realization that you are better off alone than with sex without love. I'm very proud of you and I know, through Blogit, that you are a wonderful person and very giving. I hope you find Mr. Right if that's what you seek, but I'm glad you won't let yourself be used anymore. I hope that I'm one of your friends because they are damned hard to find. Acquaintences, many - Friends, few. You're a good person and very wise. Good post!
posted by
MaggieMae
on October 21, 2006 at 11:12 AM
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I share your thoughts to the extent that it is same with men also who may
be yearning to have the kind of love you are looking for . I for have had this experience and I am in search for some one who understands what spiritual love is .I am near and very close to finding some one from blogit but have to wait and see . I liked this post . Although it is your old post as you said but it's quite refreshing . Thanks.
posted by
afzal50
on October 21, 2006 at 11:02 AM
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I prefer being alone to the company of most people, although the best of
both worlds, for me, right now, is being here on Blogit, where I can "see" rather than hear and be overwhelmed by energy and sound.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 21, 2006 at 10:56 AM
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blanche--
I'm rarely lonely when alone. Not to say it doesn't happen, but it is not often. Some people can be happy and contented by themselves, and others cannot.
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 10:54 AM
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RAME--
why thanks! Yes I think I am a good friend, unless I am betrayed...then I am like the elephant, I never forget it!
posted by
Julia.
on October 21, 2006 at 10:53 AM
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Julia., there is nothing more lonely than being with someone who doesn't
want to be with you, I agree. I'm far less lonely alone.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 21, 2006 at 10:46 AM
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Julia,
How unfortunate and sad. I'm very sorry for you but glad that you have come to the realizations you have. You are a wonderful child of God and always know that you are loved by Him and others of us who may or may not know you personally. From everything I have read from you, you are a very nice, caring, precious person and one that I'd like to get to know better. You seem like you would make a wonderful, valuable friend.
posted by
RAME
on October 21, 2006 at 10:39 AM
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