Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
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- Go to I have failed miserably as a writer
Julia, you write very well for us. I hope you never stop. Are you feeling a little down, maybe the "Christmas blues"? You may feel differently when a new year is upon you. Is it your new location and winter getting you down? These things do happen to us, Sweetie, and we're not aware of it. I hope you start to feel better and for your own well being, and you get to finish the things you started.
posted by
MaggieMae
on December 6, 2006 at 9:50 AM
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Fear of failure and fear of success, yep, I got that, too. I am hoping
to kick that bad habit, cognitive therapy, making lists and endless amounts of coffee and prayer, help me to get by, oh and blogging. I have modest dreams, I am barely beginning to be able to dare hope to articulate them, let alone believe in them.
posted by
Blanche.
on December 5, 2006 at 10:45 PM
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Wonderful entry, Quirky.
You very precisely expressed what many people in this blogging community feel. It's very easy to push aside a fantasy life (one as an accomplished novelist of screenwriter) for the real life (one that pays current bills). At one point did the ones who succeeded throw themselves into the wind. . . , and decide to "go for it".
posted by
Joe_Love
on December 5, 2006 at 10:41 PM
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Julia,
To say you've failed miserably is not true, my friend. You write for blogit and you do a fantastic job. It may not seem very important to you, but believe me, it is.
I too, have several unfinished manuscripts...Some I will go back to, some I won't. Choose the ones that please you most and that seem the most worthwhile to continue working with.
You should truly be proud of all you've acheived in your writing, published or not. I think we sometimes forget to feel satisfied with ourselves.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on December 5, 2006 at 7:58 PM
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Julia
Well luv, I learned very early on, it took great passion to write and be published, and I did it once.
Now I don't have the passion but I think it is coming back over Hydro and I shall write about it and get it published I think.
One of my daughter's earns her living with advertising writing and editing, as do you and she too doesn't have the urge to be published any other way.
Maybe it's time for you to talk to yourself and see what I see. My goodness girl, you are a success already at writing, a professional and that is marvelous.
posted by
WileyJohn
on December 5, 2006 at 7:05 PM
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Julia
When the inspirations strikes and when time permits, you'll open up those file folders and tackle/complete one of those projects. I think the trick is to pick one.
posted by
Troosha
on December 5, 2006 at 10:55 AM
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Julia
The only one that can do it is you and I guess you just have to decide when...
posted by
Offy
on December 5, 2006 at 7:14 AM
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Julia. Much depends on one's definition of failure.
You can't have failed until you don't try any more. It is easy for no one. Recently I found a muse and am in writing mode which explains in part why I am not seen on the blog.
posted by
Azur
on December 4, 2006 at 9:38 PM
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Great post Julia - something most of us here can relate to..
Yes, if only....I think it's never too late. As long as the desire to write, to create exists, therein breathes hope..Inspiration deep and real coupled with the "right" time of determination to carry through to completion can and does arise when least expected.
Carry on! 
posted by
Katray2
on December 4, 2006 at 9:25 PM
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julia
You just never know when you might either up and finish something you started years ago, or come up with a whole new idea and see it through to completion. You've certainly got the chops and the desire. That's a good start! I don't fancy myself "a writer," but I enjoy writing when the mood strikes. I hadn't written a new short story in a year and 8 months (!) until the other day. I'd done some reposting but that's it. When the idea came to me for a trio of short stories I ran up here as fast as I could. They're nothing I would submit, not technically sound or submitted for critique, and I didn't even reread or edit them. But none of that was the point - I was writing again! Felt like a weight had been lifted...I was glad to hear Talion was back at the novel. I figured that was where he'd been anyway!
posted by
Holy_Grail
on December 4, 2006 at 7:34 PM
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No one can do it but you!
posted by
Whacky
on December 4, 2006 at 7:28 PM
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bel--
I rather like your idea, or the idea of some kind of online writer's support group. I'm not entirelysure how to make it work. But I will think it over.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 5:32 PM
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blanche--
fear of failure and fear of success all rolled up into one neat little ball...
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 5:30 PM
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Julia
I should have given you the link to my friend's book.
So here ya go!
posted by
Jemmie211
on December 4, 2006 at 4:37 PM
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Fear my dear friend
I discovered that in the beginning of November. I have always had idea for novels in my head but when asked I always say "I am not a fiction writer". Well, I headed into Nano last month full steam ahead...the first day. Now it's 4 days into December and I just gutted half of the 10,000 words I did have. The truth is I am terrified of being rejected, I am terrified of pouring myself onto those pages and have someone tell me that it's not good enough.
So let's motivate one another, hmmmmmmmmm between 500 and 1000 words a day? You push me, I push you. What do you think?
posted by
bel_1965
on December 4, 2006 at 2:30 PM
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If it's not self-doubt, what do you think the problem is,Julia?
I have the same problem, so if you find out I'd really like to know.
posted by
Blanche.
on December 4, 2006 at 1:54 PM
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jemmie--
thank you. I will check that out!
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 1:53 PM
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maggie--
well I certainly hope you are right!
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 1:53 PM
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solowriter--
interesting idea, but it would never be as co-writers...lol...I'm too much of a control freak with my writing to allow such a thing. ;-0
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 1:52 PM
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steeler fan--
What is that expression--success is a double edged sword? lol.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 1:51 PM
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TAPS--
wouldn't it be interesting if the daughter could go on to finish what the mother started? It's a shame you'll not know what your brother could have achieved in his lifetime.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 1:50 PM
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scoop--
I wonder which is worse for you--the finished ones that you've not done anything with, or the half-finished? Or are they equal?
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 1:48 PM
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Talion--
thanks for your thought provoking comment. It certainly is true that writing is a solitary profession that can make you feel as though you are toiling in a void. I guess that's why i so enjoy posting here--instant connections with others who toil in the void! lol.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 1:47 PM
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You should read my dear friend's book . . .
It's called Fear of Writing. Fun book and soon to have a sequel: Son of Fear of Writing.
Visit the FoW Website!
posted by
Jemmie211
on December 4, 2006 at 12:57 PM
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Well, Julia, some day you may feel like bringing them out and submitting the finished ones. That may inspire you to finish the ones only half done. When you're ready............
posted by
MaggieMae
on December 4, 2006 at 12:29 PM
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You already have twenty-one comments when I add my thought.
Obviously, a support group is not your problem. But there is a mystery in life that may have eluded you. Assuming you are unmarried now, if you find, fall in love with and marry a fellow author, perhaps you can then finish what you are starting.
posted by
Jenasis
on December 4, 2006 at 11:39 AM
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Believe me, Julia, you are not the only to have these same thoughts,
and believe it or not, but success, sometimes is harder to deal with than failure. I believe that when it is time, I will finish my novel and my cookbook. I have started them both, but like you, they sit in my computer files incomplete. One day, I keep telling myself...one day I will finish both of those books and maybe even get on the best seller list...lol Best of luck to you.
posted by
steeler_fan
on December 4, 2006 at 11:34 AM
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Julia, I'm afraid that I have pretty much given up on writing for anything but Blogit and personal emails, as have two of my sisters who did much more research and work on books than I ever thought of. One of them spent her life studying religions of the world and had a wonderful book in her. She passed away four years ago and her daughter inherited her unfinished works. The other one was working on a biography of a very fascinating woman in 1940's Hollywood. She did interview after interview and spent all of her non-working hours on research. Her works are in boxes in her closet. It seems to be some kind of family failing. The most intelligent of us all and probably the one with the most potential was my brother who committed suicide at age 25. I'm not making excuses for us. Just trying to understand.
posted by
TAPS.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:32 AM
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I understand completely because I have failed, failed to finish
what I have started. I finished a screenplay and a novella but did nothing with them I also have a play half finished and a comedy/mystery sitting around. All of these were started before I retired 4 years ago and here I still sit. I really don't like to write anymore, I like to create stories from begining to end but I need someone to write for me.
posted by
scoop
on December 4, 2006 at 11:30 AM
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Julia.
Being an author is one of those highly romanticized occupations. Everyone has read a book, but few actually know someone who's written one. Because of this, a writer isn't really a writer until they've hit the big time, a best-seller. Several in fact. You'd better have the house in the Hamptons and the BMW too. Otherwise, you're just a wanna-be or a hack. I sometimes get trapped by this concept as well. If I'm not the next Stephen King, I'm a failure. A strange outlook considering the volume of material filling the shelves of every bookstore.
For me, writing can't be the solo endeavor it often is. It's too easy to get discouraged, to convince myself I'm wasting my time. However, if I involve other people in the process, whether it's posting it here or discussing my ideas face to face, they miraculously become tangible. I can grab them from the ether and wrestle them onto a page. It's not just needing someone to encourage me and/or tell me how great I am (though that always helps). It's about not toiling away in a void. "In space, no one can hear you scream" says the trailer for the movie, "Alien." The idea that no one will hear is just as frightening, if not more so, than the alien that inspired it. The same is true for me as a writer. I need someone to hear me scream.
posted by
Talion
on December 4, 2006 at 11:27 AM
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Yes Julia, I'm getting better by the day and the pain has become bearable.
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on December 4, 2006 at 11:26 AM
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climber--
true, but I seem to have selective amnesia. :-o
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:19 AM
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bhaskar--
thanks for the visit and comment. hope you are well.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:18 AM
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TAPS--
that darn Talion, making us reflect on our shortcomings so early in the week!! lol. ;-)
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:17 AM
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Julia, and that truth we all must always remember!
posted by
MountainClimber57
on December 4, 2006 at 11:17 AM
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Julia,muster confidence and go ahead, and then see the miracle.
Sometimes we miss the fun of it all and all that could have been just because of our timidity.
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on December 4, 2006 at 11:16 AM
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blanche--
But see, the thing is, I don't feel that I have self doubt about my writing (except for my poetry hehe)--I have inability to finish what I started. Maybe I am delusional but I don't see self doubt as the culprit.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:16 AM
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His post spoke to me too. Made me think about myself.
posted by
TAPS.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:14 AM
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climber--
congrats to your wife! The only time it will be "too late" is when they shovel the dirt over my casket...
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:14 AM
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TAPS--
not sure why you think it would make me mad...but that description seems to fit somewhat, with the exception of the line about relating to the abnormal etc.
I'm not really expecting anyone to have an answer, I was just compelled to write this after reading what Talion wrote.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:13 AM
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Don't give up or beat yourself up, Julia, you're not delusional, you're a
great writer and all great writers suffer from some degree of self-doubt, it's part of the complexity of the species. keep at it, don't give up.
posted by
Blanche.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:12 AM
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Julai, Amen to that - but all in His Time and In His Way, if not today
maybe, just maybe tomorrow. My wife is releasing this week her CD of piano music that she has waited for more than 20 years!
posted by
MountainClimber57
on December 4, 2006 at 11:11 AM
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Julia, I am going to say something here that I hope does not make you mad, but I feel it is something to think about. From your blogs, I have read of the traumas of your life. I have empathized with you because I have suffered tragedies in my own life and believe that some of the following is probably true of myself. I don't know what the answer is to your situation you write about here. I don't know the answer to my own failure to write what I have always wanted to write.
There is a self-defeating personality disorder that can cripple ones great desires. It is a behavior pattern involving not only self-defeat but in many cases avoidance of pleasurable situations. This disorder manifests in persons who choose to relate to one who is abnormal, incompetent, or unavailable. Response to positive personal events may be depression or guilt. They reject efforts of anyone to assist. (Taber's Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary)
posted by
TAPS.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:09 AM
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mountainclimber--
I hope that you find the key to bringing it forth. They say all things happen in divine timing...but if that is true, why is it taking so *bleeping* long? LOL.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:03 AM
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allyk--
while I appreciate your words, I have to say I don't think my inability to finish these projects is about believing in myself. I could be wrong but I think there is something else holding me back. If I knew what it was, I could fix the situation. But I guess I wasn't looking for solutions here, just expressing what it feels like. thanks for your comment.
posted by
Julia.
on December 4, 2006 at 11:01 AM
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Julia, I agree -- I have so many books inside of me, and only one in 36
years has come out -- It did sale 5,000 copies; however, the best seller is still inside, and I can't get it out!
posted by
MountainClimber57
on December 4, 2006 at 10:53 AM
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Don't give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I almost did. And, now, I writing for a magazine and a local newspaper from the eastern end of the island is going to publish one of my pieces. Keep plugging away. Remember, every writer hates writing but loves having written. Look for websites. There a some out there who are just looking for writers. Believe in yourself. If I can get noticed, anyone can!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by
allyk
on December 4, 2006 at 10:43 AM
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