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Julia, I don't think that you are being mean at all. It sounds as if your neice is spoiled; I wonder is she spoiled by both her mom and dad or only her mom? Maybe it would help if you talked to your brother about her and how the mom reacted.
I don't blame you, though, for giving it to someone else. I probably would have lost my cool and smashed it then brought it to her and said it was in good shape, but I guessed that it didn't matter anyway since she didn't want it or something along that line.
I also probably would never buy her another gift. Definitely not for a long time--I wouldn't.
Damon
posted by
Damond
on July 3, 2007 at 2:59 PM
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You're not a meanie. If my daughter ever behaved like that, I'd order the person not to give her the gift. Seriously....
posted by
dark_mistress
on June 27, 2007 at 10:45 PM
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You're a big meanie, alright -- which is exactly what the hell she needs.
You're the only one willing to take a step to call her on bad behavior and make her accountable for her actions, and probably in her eyes, that's mean, since no one else does.
Good.
We need more big meanies in the world. So bravo to you, flowers, flagons, the works.
posted by
strat
on June 27, 2007 at 10:57 AM
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No not mean
She needs to learn the value of appreciation
posted by
MiaElla
on June 27, 2007 at 7:09 AM
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Julia
Absolutely you are NOT being a big meanie...Good grief what is wrong with people who let their children get away with such bad manners? I agree, give it to someone who will appreciate it!
posted by
Offy
on June 27, 2007 at 5:31 AM
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This child is the product of bad parenting. I can't believe a mother let
her get away with this. Do the right thing luv.....give the gift to someone who will cherish it. Don't give gifts anymore until the query comes....where's mine, and you've given your already thought up fantastic answer..(you can always have something to bring out then)But what a shame all this is. What trouble she's going to be in another couple of years.
posted by
Kabu
on June 26, 2007 at 7:13 PM
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Julia - Your neice didn't want the present? Or your SIL didn't want to
bother walking to the car? The 'she' pronoun threw me here. No matter. Both cases are deplorable and I think it's quite rude. I don't think I'd put myself out anytime soon.
posted by
FoliageGold
on June 26, 2007 at 4:14 PM
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I'm with Naut...
Her parents play a role in this. If my daughter ever responded like that I probably would have said to you (in front of my daughter) something along the lines of "Never mind then. Why don't you just give the present to a child who needs it and has some manners".
posted by
Troosha
on June 26, 2007 at 2:27 PM
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Hey Julia....I would have done the same thing...the little ingrate! LOL
posted by
RckyMtnActivist
on June 26, 2007 at 5:43 AM
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Don't give her gifts. Save your $$ for future bail. She may need that more.
If one of my kids had spoken to an aunt or uncle in that way, they'd have gotten a good fanny-warming and a sit down in a quiet place to think it over.
posted by
Pat_B
on June 26, 2007 at 4:48 AM
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I think you made the right decision!
Some roses
from me & a smile
From =^..^= Bo the wonder dog!
posted by
Whacky
on June 25, 2007 at 8:28 PM
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I don't think you're being mean at all, Julia. Maybe it will teach her a lesson. If it were me, I'd do exactly the same.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on June 25, 2007 at 8:00 PM
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Julia
I think you have made the right decision. Having said that, I also must say that the fault for this girl's behavior lies with the parents. By the time a child is eleven, she should have been taught to give graciously, and to receive graciously...
posted by
Nautikos
on June 25, 2007 at 7:00 PM
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WTF..never heard of a kid sayin' no to a gift
posted by
hazel_st_cricket
on June 25, 2007 at 5:35 PM
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Yes, you're being a big old meanie, as you should be!!!! Ungrateful brat. I might give her the benefit of the doubt, like blackcat, and assume she was tired or something, but from what you said this is the norm for her. viva la coal in the stocking!
posted by
Holy_Grail
on June 25, 2007 at 4:07 PM
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Many children have bad manners. :(
posted by
A-and-B
on June 25, 2007 at 3:52 PM
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Julia / OTA...
Mother Theresa I am not! LOL. I might have left out the issue of family dynamics...every family is different. In my family for example people are more used to involving themselves in the upbringing of children because we are after all...one big family. Just as I would admonish my brother for bad behavior and he me, I would attempt to admonish his children, and him mine, because no one is a perfect parent...no one can see everything all the time. I think the reason we are ok with it is because we would know that the other is speaking out of love and concern. My sister doesn't always take it very well so we tread much more lightly than we would otherwise.
Either way...it's a tough situation.
posted by
A_Norseman
on June 25, 2007 at 2:17 PM
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also... I'm curious... Did anyone ask her why not?
It's very strange for a kid not to go running for a gift... unless she knows that you give bad gifts? LOL
posted by
-blackcat
on June 25, 2007 at 1:40 PM
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LOL... hmmmm... I think I need further info here.
I'm guessing that it was the end of a very long day and she probably didn't want to leave wherever she was at the moment? Not entirely surprising really.
I don't know your niece, but I never take it personally when kids are tired and cranky. My nieces are sweet and always thankful (compared to most I've seen), but still sometimes their heads spin when they're tired. I try to remember that they're just kids.
Now, if this one is ALWAYS a spoiled rotten brat... well, that's another story. I think she's old enough to talk to about it. Why not ask her why she's such a brat to you before writing her off? Seriously.
posted by
-blackcat
on June 25, 2007 at 1:38 PM
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Julia, in response to Alf..
I can see your point, however when one attempts to directly point out the flawed parenting skills of others you are stepping on a very slippery slope..most folks don't want to hear and will not hear your concern.. what they will hear is.. "you are doing a terrible job of raising your children"....unless of course you have the tact of Mother Theresa. (..another theory)
~Peace, Alf and Peace, Julia
posted by
Blue_feathers
on June 25, 2007 at 1:00 PM
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Alf--
I understand what you're saying but I think OTA is right. Her Mom was standing right there and didn't think anything of her child refusing to come and get the gift. Further, she ASKED her if she wanted to, rather than telling her to. I've also witnessed her (the mom) receiving gifts several times, and not saying a single word of thanks. So, something is seriously wrong in her head in terms of receiving gifts, and I doubt there is anything I could say about her child's rude behavior that would get through to her. I appreciate your input however, and if you think there is something I could say, specifically, please do let me know.
posted by
Julia.
on June 25, 2007 at 12:56 PM
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Julia...
While I agree with OTA's last comment, I think that by at least attempting correction in whatever capacity you have sort of absolves you of any responsibility should something go drastically wrong. ??? just a theory.
posted by
A_Norseman
on June 25, 2007 at 12:46 PM
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Dear Meanie, (LOLOLOL) just kidding...
Julia, I think you are doing the perfect thing. No more presents either as others have suggested. I don't know about talking with her parents though.. if they witnessed her behavior and did nothing to correct her, then they have issues deeper than hers.. ~Peace, OTA
posted by
Blue_feathers
on June 25, 2007 at 12:17 PM
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oh my goodness... It is so sad that the child is so entitled. It's never conducive to rearing up a child to be a selfish and inconsiderate adult... I think your plan is a great one. her parents may want her to be that kind of human, but it doesn't mean everyone else who loves her has to unwillingly support that behavior.
posted by
rainydayinmay
on June 25, 2007 at 12:05 PM
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Julia.........
I'm a mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, and I can tell you that that child would never receive another gift from me, whatever the occasion. That child is spoiled, discourteous, mouthy, uncaring, and lazy. I know she's your niece, but she deserves no presents.
Charity is good, Julia. Keep your hard-earned money. You are not a meanie. 
posted by
MaggieMae
on June 25, 2007 at 11:58 AM
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You are not a meanie
This child needs some reality as to what is appropriate behaviour. I think donating the gift is a great idea. I would tell her too, send her a note saying it was too bad she didn't want the gift but she'll be happy to know that a child with no gifts at all on their b'day will be enjoying this.
I'd even think about doing something similar at Christmas. Send her a pretty note, saying in honour of her, you have donated some money to this charity to make Christmas a little happier for those that have so much less.
This might open her mind (and her curiosity) and give you an opportunity to take her to a food bank to help out from time to time.
posted by
DivineDiva
on June 25, 2007 at 11:34 AM
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Boy, you're a lot nicer than I am.
I would've taken it, smashed it into the trash and said, "See that? A minute ago it was a gift. Now it's garbage. Go get me another piece of cake."
Which probably explains why I don't get invited to many of these affairs.
posted by
mark2556
on June 25, 2007 at 10:35 AM
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Julia...
You are not being mean. Giving the gift to a charity is an appropriate reaction in my opinion. Not only that, but I don't think I would ever give the child a gift again until or unless her attitude changes...furthermore, depending on what kind of relationship you have with your brother I would have a talk with him and inform him of your decision.
My sisters child has a few behavioral issues, and sometimes I will talk to her about it. It doesn't always work, sometimes she gets defensive, but I still see it as a function of my position as an Uncle to do what I can to effect nessesary corrections. Tough love.
posted by
A_Norseman
on June 25, 2007 at 10:20 AM
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she's 11-- so no you are not being a meanie
ANY 11 year old-- even one not taught by parents knows about common courtesy
posted by
riri0322
on June 25, 2007 at 10:03 AM
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