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mneme, I feel for you
I'm happy I don't have children yet, which would've highly complicated the situation and pinned me in a corner much more. I'm also lucky that my Kiwi husband is very emotionally supportive, loving, affectionate, etc., he's great in just about every way you can imagine. But I don't have the heart to make him move to the US, and while he is very easy-going, I don't think I
could make him move to the US. I was already starting to feel down about the "gilded cage" I was living in in New Zealand two years ago when in 2006 I discovered the feelings I'd buried for the man I'm still leaving an emotional door open for right now. I'm moving away from keeping that door open for him, though, because I think he will marry his girlfriend, but the door's still ajar for him... if he can step up to the plate. I'll need more than just his "I love you"s to keep the door ajar for him.
posted by
Discombobulated78
on August 26, 2007 at 8:47 PM
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discom
I think... you need this time at home, so that you are ready to get home to your other, settled life when this is out of your system. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am here. My partner has made it much more difficult than it ever needed to be, and was wholly unsympathetic and selfish when I was studying and my health was not very good. Then I met a local man who is very kind and loving, and I may or may not be able to cope with that permanency. My son would be happier living with me, but it has to be here, and there are practical concerns with that. That's another reason I haven't committed myself to a new relationship. All I get from my partner is how I'm ruining his life..!
posted by
mneme
on August 26, 2007 at 5:47 PM
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discom
I hope I helped, and didn't add to the confusion. It is quite a dilemma for you, and you need to work it out on your own terms. My experience, for what it's worth, is that I would have been much happier in my own country, with or without my present partner. The fact that he doesn't consider this aspect of things to be at issue is a big part of the reason I lost all feeling for him; that and his dismissals, his temper and his emotional distance whenever I needed someone to comfort me.
posted by
mneme
on August 26, 2007 at 5:27 PM
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Thanks Bhas, glad u like. I need to get MSN installed so we can chat again
posted by
Discombobulated78
on August 24, 2007 at 10:53 PM
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Liked you expression, 'Comatose affection' Discom -
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on August 24, 2007 at 10:46 PM
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Re: Soul_Builder
Best wishes for principle-guided decisions!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on August 24, 2007 at 10:03 PM
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Soul_Builder
Whenever I try to get under his skin, it usually incurs a negative reaction. I guess I don't have the savvy to do it the right way (feminine wiles were never my strong suit, I'm far too direct). Usually when I get impatient and try to get right in there, it doesn't end well. I've pretty much let him go. I have no desire to get in touch with him. I think I'm ready to face the boring, depressing reality of it all.
posted by
Discombobulated78
on August 24, 2007 at 9:41 PM
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Thanks Ted, I appreciate your advice
posted by
Discombobulated78
on August 24, 2007 at 9:39 PM
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78, whatever the outcome, you must remember that you are
number one...remember to Love yourself first. Hoping for you, my friend.
Nice poem, by the way!
posted by
teddypoet_TheGoodByeFade
on August 24, 2007 at 6:50 PM
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Re: He hasn't lost, he'll just have to pull off a miracle that's all...
STill rivers run deep, but then you need overt attention. Have you tried burrowing into his skull? I am usually skeptical about players and their winning moves....too good to be true!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on August 23, 2007 at 9:31 PM
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He hasn't lost, he'll just have to pull off a miracle that's all...
...and I don't believe in miracles in relationships. Deep down I would like to, but I can't. People do what's expedient in relationships almost in every instance; they take the bird in the hand. If he were absolutely sure about me, I would have some hope that he'd choose me. But he's not absolutely sure about me. He's going to marry his girlfriend when the day to choose comes.
posted by
Discombobulated78
on August 23, 2007 at 9:22 PM
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Discom...........
I feel the second guy has lost!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on August 23, 2007 at 4:54 PM
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