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Re: Re: Well, while I understand your feelings and believe that maybe
Wow, that is just crazy crazy crazy. She sounds a lot like Tim in many aspects, except that THANK GOD we didn't have children.
I didn't mean to be judgemental at all about your brother and his ex. I guess I am sensitive too about this subject because of the way his family has treated me. They also think they saw things but what they saw were reactions of things that had been going on for a long time.
For instance, in one of our visits Tim and I were forced to go and get food stamps because of how bad our situation was economically. We got them but I was upset about the fact we even had to get them and I had a little freak out. She now says look, she can't be satisfied with anything, there she was, getting some perfectly good food stamps and was upset about it. That's the way she would see everything.
I am very sorry about your brother's situation, I hope he is doing better now.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 20, 2007 at 12:20 PM
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Re: Well, while I understand your feelings and believe that maybe
every story is different - I saw how she was, I wasn't taking my brother's word for it. I was THERE, watching her and seeing what kind of person she is. my brother's part was that he allowed her to walk all over him, he enabled her psychotic-ness. She admittedly held a grudge towards him, but refused to tell him for what. How can you resolve an issue if you refuse to say what it is? but at the same time, admit that you are holding a grudge about SOMETHING? She also told him that she was holding a different grudge because he didn't want to marry her right away - but then once he did marry her, she didn't let it go. She was angry that he didn't marry her SOONER and refused to get over it for the length of their marriage. she constantly set him up for failure and then ripped him apart when he didn't live up to her perfect idea of who he should be. if he ever stood up for himself, she didn't speak to him for days and sometimes weeks. She would get jealous of OUR relationship, saying that there was something wrong with how close we are. When I would come over and hang out, she would pout and walk around angry. FOR NO REASON - because at that time I was still close with her, I never left her out or tried to cause any problems.
She tried on numerous occasions to get him to move out of state, away from everyone he knows - I think you can relate to that as that's what happened to you. Someone who wants to control you, wants to get you away from anyone who loves you so they can be assured you can't get any help outside of what they can provide you.
My brother started losing his hair being married to her. his whole personality changed, since she would get mad when him and I would laugh, he didn't LAUGH ANYMORE, especially with me - his sense of humor completely disappeared. He wasn't allowed to spend money - but she ran up their credit cards in over SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS OF DEBT. She refused to let him handle the bills, she hid them from him and if he mentioned something about it she would flip out and say he was spending too much money...one time, because he bought a GATORADE, oh wait, he didn't even buy it, his friend bought it for him and when she saw it, she flipped out saying they couldn't afford to buy gatorade, and when he said his friend bought it, she blew up more saying that that means next time, he has to buy HIS friend a gatorade.... These are the types of things she would blow up over.
She's also emotionally abusive to her children, as well as to him. My niece has a hard time with math, when she tries to help her, my niece doesn't get it right away and she tells her she's stupid and isn't going to go on to the next grade with her friends. She tells her she's going to be a loser while her friends go on to the next grade. What a mother. Once, when my niece was 3, she told her that she was being bad and how would she feel if mommy went away and never came home? Then to drive her point home she walked out the front door, acting as if she was leaving. I had to tell my niece that it was ok, she would be back so she wouldn't freak out. My niece is 9 now, recently she forgot a permission slip for a field trip at my brothers house and it was her week at her moms, when she found out, she told my niece that she isn't responsible and because of it, will not go to the field trip and that it was her fault for forgetting the permission slip. SHE'S NINE! Children's brains are not fully developed at that age and forgetting things is NORMAL.
I can go on and on - when she was pregnant with my nephew she planned a trip to las vegas - I went also, since we were still cool at that point. My brother asked when to pick us up at the airport, she said she wanted her mother to pick us up because she was in town visiting... When we were standing outside with her 2 friends at the airport, they made comments about how it's so wrong that he wouldn't pick up his pregnant wife from the airport and she just agreed with them, not telling them that he asked to pick her up. She lied to them ALL THE TIME in front of me about little bullshit things like that.
I am not being unfair.
She used to sit in front of me and lie to her friends about things that I knew first hand were not true. this is a very touchy subject for me - please understand that I KNOW what I'm talking about. I used to be very close friends with her. She has been with my brother since they were in high school, so I knew her VERY WELL. She used to thrive on trying to make him "wrong" about any and everything she could imagine.
My brother had zero self esteem, and would very VERY rarely stand up for himself. if he did, she would make his life hell for weeks at a time, so he just STOPPED. And let her belittle him and mentally abuse him. Like I said before, his part was allowing her to beat him down mentally.
Again - this is a very touchy subject for me.
posted by
brianne_amai
on September 20, 2007 at 11:35 AM
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Well, while I understand your feelings and believe that maybe
your former sister in law might be very annoying ect, you must realize that it took two to get divorced and that your brother might have had part in what happened. My ex's family blame me completely for everything and while I know I made mistakes I find it unfair.
As for that guy, forget him. I don't know what his deal is but I have had experiences with guys like that and they never work.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 20, 2007 at 10:54 AM
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Re:
of course it's legal. she's using her work email address and work emails are not protected by any confidentiality laws, at least not when you work for the state.
posted by
brianne_amai
on September 20, 2007 at 10:40 AM
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Well, that was interesting, I guess.
But should you really be posting this?
Is that even legal? (To publicly post other people's email?)
When Gary told me he was having trouble with his wife, I had to laugh.
Not because of what he said, but because of a joke I thought of.
I told him the joke, but he didn't laugh very much.
Some friend he is!
posted by
Mademoiselle
on September 20, 2007 at 10:30 AM
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