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opheliablue
Thank you, you are such a dear. I just hope he doesn't lead another naive woman into his web. Ugh.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 8:57 AM
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Re: opheliablue
I suppose it could be that, but to be honest I don't think it was stupid of you to try the dating thing... I think it's quite natural to try something like that, even briefly, when you're separated. I eally think - and I know I'm generalising here- that the way that conversation went has quite a lot to do with the way a lot of men tend to react in this kind of situation... maybe showing his pride? But I do think it has a lot more to do with him and his feelings than an actual real situation, you know? I don't think it necessarily means that anything is happening. I do agree with others about the best thing for you is to move on from him.. only I know that is hard and it will take time - but I'm sure it will happen. all the best to you
posted by
opheliablue
on September 26, 2007 at 8:43 AM
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FineYoungSinger
I guess that's what's going to happen, huh? Ugh, that sucks. LOL
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 1:05 PM
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lustorlove
LOL, very true. I have no idea how he is taking care of himself without me but I guess he was always able to do it he just never did it!
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 12:59 PM
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Re: FineYoungSinger
GOOD GIRL!!! Keep that in mind! Men can be such buttheads. They think that because a woman makes eye contact she's interested.
You are very right. They never change for you...and rarely change for the next woman. My ex-husband was married before the ink dried on the divorce papers. Pissed me off, but I also realize that he did it because he can never be alone, and he's not in a happy marriage. So take comfort in your own strength, and let him go be a total butthead.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on September 25, 2007 at 12:50 PM
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divorcee
men almost always get married or in a relationship before women because they are big babies and need a woman to take care of them, so dont worry about it.
posted by
Lanetay
on September 25, 2007 at 12:31 PM
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FineYoungSinger
I don't know when he is doing things on purpose or they just come out like that because that is who he is. I am done trying to separate them, they are both bad. I don't want to be mean but right now is he so not a catch. Even though he claims to feel so much better and stuff like that he is still sick in many ways. Still overweight etc. He doesn't have a real stable job. Yeah, he has a house, but a house he bought under his ex-wife's name. And he hasn't stopped being an unmature idiot.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 11:56 AM
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O man, that's the oldest trick in the book.
He's already resorting to this tactic? What a jackass.
The only reason he's telling you other women are eyeing him up is because he's trying to make himself feel like a catch. Trust me, every one I've ever been in a relationship with did this after I gave them the boot. Don't even waste your energy thinking about it, because deep down he knows he's the idiot, and deep down he wants you back. So of course, he's telling you--in the most insensitive, retarded possible way, by the way--that he's really a catch, and not an insensitive retard.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on September 25, 2007 at 11:37 AM
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Soul_Builder101
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 11:28 AM
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riri0322
What five things?
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 11:28 AM
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Le Divorce
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on September 25, 2007 at 11:21 AM
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Before you talk to him on the phone-- tape a post it next to you of the
five things you won't miss!!!!! THAT CAN HELP YOU STAY STRONG
posted by
riri0322
on September 25, 2007 at 10:44 AM
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Le Divorcee
becoming the Ice Lady is easy really - she's neither nasty nor nice, she just gives you the shivers!
posted by
White_Elephant
on September 25, 2007 at 9:07 AM
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White_Elephant
I really wish I could be the Ice Lady but I don't think I can.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 9:03 AM
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Ariala
My parents and I have thought about that but we tried that once and Tim got pretty pissed off and I think it's better to deal with a non-pissed off Tim, specially since things are not finalized. I just don't want to be his enemy either. My mom says I'm being too nice.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 9:02 AM
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Le Divorcee
good to see you smile about this
... you're experiencing a lot of mixed feelings at the moment - it's only natural! but I'm sure you will get through this and you WILL be able to carry on with your life and build a new one - completely
Tim-free - so remember each time you're around Tim - you gotta become the "ICE LADY"
... take care
posted by
White_Elephant
on September 25, 2007 at 8:54 AM
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If I were you, I'd have someone else be the message relayer...you need
a complete emotional break from him or you will continue to struggle with thoughts of him with others, etc.
posted by
Ariala
on September 25, 2007 at 8:52 AM
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opheliablue
Yeah, I don't really know what his intentions were. When we got separated I did something stupid and put up my profile in a dating site. It was up for a few days only and someone saw it and told him about it. He got very upset about it because we weren't even divorced yet. I just wanted to talk to someone and I felt very alone. I thought some flirting wouldn't hurt and I got it. I did realize how stupid it was and got out before he told he he had found out anyway. Maybe he is trying to get back at me? I don't know.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 8:52 AM
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White_Elephant
I know life is not about having a boyfriend. I am fine with being single. The whole concept of him getting married before me does bother me and I am sure there are a lot of people out there that might feel the same.
About being cold with him, I don't know why I can't do it. At least I didn't ask any further questions and didn't volunteer any info about me. For instance, he doesn't know about George, although that is over now. If I wanted to have a boyfriend just to have one I would have continued with him...
Ice Lady, LOL. Nice one.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 8:48 AM
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I think you already said it yourself ....
Why do you even care? ... this really shouldn't bother you in the least! and if I were you I would've told him just that straight away! I would just stick to what I had to tell him and that's it ... any other questions on your personal life, just ignore! ... Le Divorcee, life isn't just about having a boyfriend you know. If you can't behave "coldly" towards him, at least try to act it out
when it comes to him think yourself as the "Ice Lady"
... I'm sure that after a while he will stop using similar comments when in your presence!
posted by
White_Elephant
on September 25, 2007 at 8:44 AM
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I know I can't know for sure... but that part of his conersation sounds a bit deliberate to me, to try and make you feel all these things you're feeling...? Even if it's true, I think he might be trying to wind you up and it's VERY unfair of him. LD, you deserve so much better and I know it's hard to move on past him - I guess all of this is part of that process happening. He was and is really out of line... take care
posted by
opheliablue
on September 25, 2007 at 8:44 AM
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Re: You need to cut yourself off from him completely and move on with your
Ariala, unfortunately, that's easier said than done with the financial ties that still bind us, besides, the divorce is not even final yet. The other day for example, I had to let him know he could go to court at any time and that I was going to send him the documents... I am going on with my life, I guess I am just still taking silly detours in which I get upset about the whole thing. It's been less than three months.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 8:40 AM
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You need to cut yourself off from him completely and move on with your
life...
posted by
Ariala
on September 25, 2007 at 8:27 AM
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afzal50
Why?
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 25, 2007 at 8:21 AM
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It would be better for you if he truly got married before you !
posted by
afzal50
on September 25, 2007 at 8:16 AM
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