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How to stop being so F*ching nice to him.........
Hey there, I was divorced just under 2 years ago...and wow.......what a lifechanging experience...best advice I can give ANYONE going through a divorce is to buy, read and 'work' through Debbie Ford's book Spiritual Divorce.........it will be Life changing!! Good Luck........
posted by
Mystic_traveller
on September 28, 2007 at 7:40 PM
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LaptopCRAZYLady
LOL, true, so true... thanks for the email suggestion.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 28, 2007 at 12:51 PM
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Set your boundaries.
You don't have to be rude to set boundaries. Stop babysitting the man (and I have had this conversation with myself!) and draw the line. I have found email very helpful because it documents everything and then you have record for court if necessary. Good luck you are losing some seriously dead weight!
posted by
LaptopCRAZYLady
on September 28, 2007 at 11:37 AM
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FineYoungSinger
It's almost over. As soon as the divorce papers are signed, its no turning back.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 27, 2007 at 11:01 AM
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Re: opheliablue
Well, good for you :)
posted by
opheliablue
on September 27, 2007 at 10:10 AM
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Re: FineYoungSinger
That certainly is a problem----Let someone else do this. I know it's $$, but it's worth it. Hire a lawyer and take yourself out of this position.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on September 27, 2007 at 9:03 AM
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Kabu
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 27, 2007 at 7:58 AM
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Pat_B
He tries to be and act indiferent but the things he says show that there are still a lot of feelings involved. As for taking care of myself, I am really trying and my parents are helping me.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 27, 2007 at 7:48 AM
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opheliablue
I do lose control easily around him and I will start shouting. I am just really trying to act like a civilized person and not give him the satisfaction of provoking me.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 27, 2007 at 7:47 AM
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Pat B has said it all...I can't improve on that.
posted by
Kabu
on September 27, 2007 at 6:00 AM
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Re: opheliablue
It does not say that! LOL It says you're a nice person and you're behaving a lot better than he is!!
posted by
opheliablue
on September 26, 2007 at 7:58 PM
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Perhaps you're asking the wrong question.
From what you write, he's indifferent to you, nice or not. He has no intention of doing anything as long as you're so flexible and adaptable about tending to his betterment. I think the question you should ask is why aren't you taking better care of yourself? If you don't tend to your welfare, nobody will. You don't need to be mean to him, just good to you. It's just common sense.
posted by
Pat_B
on September 26, 2007 at 2:32 PM
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Soul_Builder101
How about being too nice?
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 12:37 PM
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riri0322
LOL, that does soung interesting, haha. I don't want to me angry, though, it's not good for me.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 12:36 PM
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Le Divorce
Being nice is not a flaw of character. Being nasty is. Your choice of approach. I avoid people I don't care to be with!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on September 26, 2007 at 12:35 PM
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you have to allow yourself time to grieve-- once you get to the anger part
well... stay there for a while and focus it all on him
posted by
riri0322
on September 26, 2007 at 12:23 PM
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Mademoiselle
LOL I have no problem being mean when I'm being provoked but other wise, I just can't be cold to him. It's either normal, helpful, stupid or extremely pissed off, irritated etc. LOL
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 12:21 PM
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That's hard to say.
Seeing as, personally, I've never had any trouble being mean to guys (even when we were still "attached").
I would suspect, however, that as soon as a new relationship develops, you'll suddenly find it a lot easier to ignore your ex.
Love can sweep you off your feet,
and carry you along
in a way you've never known before.
But the ride always ends,
and you end up feeling lonely and bitter.
Wait. It's not love I'm describing.
I'm thinking of a monorail.
posted by
Mademoiselle
on September 26, 2007 at 12:18 PM
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FineYoungSinger
I'm the lawyer, unfortunately. I was the one who prepared the divorce papers. Even after the divorce is final, there are financial matters that will have to be discussed once in a while so that is the problem.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 11:44 AM
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you don't have to stop being nice to him.
but you also don't have to coddle him, either. Nowhere is it written that being nice means being a doormat. So get up, girlie, dust his nasty shoe-prints off your back and let your lawyer handle everything. The sooner you get the divorce finalized, the sooner you'll start healing.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on September 26, 2007 at 11:41 AM
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White_Elephant
That's the problem, I am not neutral at all. I still feel too much. Thank you for your advice.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 9:18 AM
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Definition of the Ice Lady
Poor thing Le_Divorcee - I hate seeing you like this
... it's not easy to be cold towards him - especially if that's not how you're
really feeling - becoming the "Ice Lady" does not mean you have to be rude or nasty - you act kinda "neutral" if you know what I mean ... which is how you'll hopefully feel eventually ... it's still early to "close" your marriage chapter, but with time you will be able to get through this - I know this sounds unnatural but you have to work on it! Hope this helps my friend
posted by
White_Elephant
on September 26, 2007 at 8:59 AM
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opheliablue
Yes, it does make sense. I am doing this for me, not for him. And what it says about me is probably that I am the biggest wuss ever. LOL.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 8:55 AM
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afzal50
I'm not that nice or good but thanks
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 8:54 AM
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I guess in a way that this really says a lot about you - I can understand why your father thinks you shouldn't speak to him and the things about becoming the Ice Lady (had to do that once or twice myself!) - but at the same time it's natural to try and keep it 'nice' and on an even keel. I'm not helping much! I keep saying it's natural! But in a way it helps you to keep it on an even keel because it makes it easier for you, although I know it's not actually easy at all. At the same time, it would be good if you could be like that with him just for your sake, to keep things ok for you while you are getting through this, and not be like that with him because you actually want things to be ok with him or for him = I hope that makes sense.
posted by
opheliablue
on September 26, 2007 at 8:52 AM
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YOu are so nice and good . God bless you!
posted by
afzal50
on September 26, 2007 at 8:36 AM
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eyeshaveears470
That actually makes a lot of sense. If I was mean just to be mean I wouldn't be being true to myself. Thanks, I appreciate it!
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 26, 2007 at 8:31 AM
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Well my personal view is
I'm not sure what the cause behind your split is and I'm no expert at offering advice, my personal opinion is that if you are a genuine nice person, true to heart, then no matter how he is towards you, you will find it hard not to be nice to him. Another way I would look at it is, your not being nice to him but true to yourself and in continuing to do so, you will benefit in the end, regardless of how he acts towards you.
This is a challenge your facing in life right now, the choices are there for you to make, nobody else can make them for you, all I would say is that whatever choices you make, make them for the right reasons and you can't go much wrong.
Again this is just my personal opinion.
Kind regards
posted by
UncharteredSoul
on September 26, 2007 at 8:18 AM
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