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This is SO sad and the judgment infuriates me! How dare they judge her?
My grandmother & my mother were both widows respectfully after 65 & 45 years of marriage. I know what a grieving period is like (not as a widow but losing both), our worlds were rearranged, the voids were vast and uncrossable. The only reason anyone should mourn for any length of time is whatever time it takes to gather oneself back to a feeling of reality and if anyone would've come along for either one of them to lighten that load of mourning, WE ALL would have been blessed for their comfort. Pity to those judging and you know about Karma and (or) God's providence.....someday they will mourn and reach for comfort as well....I pray for them it is forthcoming.
posted by
roadscross
on December 17, 2007 at 9:22 PM
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Assuming that stance of judgment over others
just makes some people feel that they themselves are worth something--it helps them define their own position on the social scale, because without that they are lost. Small-minded, petty, simple-minded... Like, right now, I feel like a better person than any of those... hmmm.... oops!
We rarely know enough of the other person's story to make any kinds of judgment, let alone to condemn.
I agree with all here who say that ultimately it is about love: having it, giving it, letting it flow.
posted by
Ciel
on December 17, 2007 at 11:30 AM
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Seedling
That's great. Got blessed her and God don't act in accordance to time. He knows what his children need. That's a wonderful story.
posted by
b2008
on December 16, 2007 at 5:28 PM
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Grieving is personal. Some people take longer than others in their
mourning periods. What is seemly for some may not be so for others. People need to get off their moral high horses and let others live their lives.
posted by
saul_relative
on December 15, 2007 at 6:31 PM
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Life is for the living...people would do very well not to judge others
Especially in a case such as your sissy's. It would be nice if she could ignore the shortcomings of those that judge her but this is hard. I am losing my obsession with obsessions through talk therapy. Losing these obsessions were/are like losing a spouse as they are/were a very large part of me...the void I am learning to fill but it is NOT without great difficulty and challenge.
Challenges help us grow...your sister will learn a lot from this, but she needs to try and understand this misplaced energy coming from her associates and apply the lessons to her approach in life...
posted by
mysteria
on December 15, 2007 at 12:29 PM
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Seedlings
It's her happiness that counts. Six months is a long time. In some customs, the "morning period" is 100 days.
posted by
richinstore
on December 15, 2007 at 6:27 AM
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Seed
This is a good post, one I've mentioned in my earlier times. We all mourn differently and at different lengths of time. Just because your sister found someone she got close to, does not mean she had stopped mourning, she simply started to rebuild and carry on with her life. Her lost husband will always be in her memory. As for the people around her that judged etc, well as the good book says :-
"Thou shall not judge"
Take care and stay blessed.
Blessings
posted by
UncharteredSoul
on December 15, 2007 at 2:31 AM
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SEEDLINGS
Life has taught me well never to judge the actions of another and I am so happy your sister found love after such tragedy.
Grief is different for each and every one of us. My Joycie died of brain cancer and I thought I'd never recover to love again, and it took me over 7 years to finally really 'love' someone again.
Now that Higher Power has given me Kabu to love and for me to receive her love, and He made me wait for a long time, but this huge love is as awesome as the other huge love.
posted by
WileyJohn
on December 14, 2007 at 6:36 PM
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Death's cruel lesson is this...
The world keeps turning and makes little notice that you have lost a loved one. After my step dad died and I returned to work, at first I was angry, what was wrong with these people, don't they know what had just happened. Of course, they didn't. Mourning is the proper thing to do, but I think different people have different times it takes to make that kind of adjustment. So I realized, it's not up to the world to care, it's up to the individual. It was good for me in a way, I didn't get lost wallowing in self-pity. Six months, six years, that's up to each of us.
posted by
food4thought
on December 14, 2007 at 6:13 PM
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posted by
afzal50
on December 14, 2007 at 6:05 PM
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people will say anmything what they want......but do they do any good for
her........What ever was her fate , it happened.....no body is good enough to judge any one....
Here me and my children's father......we were together, never married... He had an affair with another girl.....no problem. But if I just say hello to some one, he try to follow every step of me......no problem.......then he even left a IC tape recorder to record my conversation no problem.... We are two different room .......no problem, if I don't have money, my checks bounce, no problem.......so as long as I suffer no problem......if I take another step will be a FAMILY ISSUE......
this world is crazy........so don't look at what they think........it's her life.....she got the right to live..... she need to some one to support her...... So I don't think that she need to live alone.
I lost my brother in law, mysister never married......I help her some times...... Probably she knows her pain......But our stupid family and my sister doesn't agree fopr another marriage.....
posted by
star4sky5
on December 14, 2007 at 3:22 PM
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Seedlings
People love to cast judgements. The "mourning" period is different for each person. Some need time to redefine themselves, some need to re-build to heal, some unfortunately make hasty decisions which may not serve them well in the long run. Outsiders looking in cannot possibly know the pain or know when a person feels right about moving forward with their life.
posted by
Troosha
on December 14, 2007 at 12:37 PM
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You know there is this provincial concept of mourning a death;
but the vow is "til death do us part." The point of mourning is to help us through the loss. There is no set time of mourning. Your sister was mistreated and judged unfairly.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on December 14, 2007 at 12:22 PM
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SEEDLINGS.....................
I believe people should do exactly what they want to do, without the worry of what other people think. One should grasp every opportunity for happiness. The shame is on those who treat one as those who did your sister. Life's too short. Enjoy it.
posted by
MaggieMae
on December 14, 2007 at 11:58 AM
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PEN
posted by
SEEDLINGS
on December 14, 2007 at 11:56 AM
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We can only ever trust our own cogs and gears and the pace they would have us malinger or crash headlong at."We listen to their voices, ignoring our own voice" --S. Nicks. ryn: I am most certainly going to look up your book, sounds exactly like my auslander leanings need for a shot of inspiration! tahnk you.
posted by
pen_dragon
on December 14, 2007 at 11:53 AM
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Lust
Perhaps you are correct in that it may be easier for a man to remarry after the death of a spouse, however not in my family. My grand mother was killed, hit by a car in 85. She and grandpa had been married well over 50 years and when grandpa announced that he was remarrying another less than a year after the death of my grandmother, well, heck, all hell broke loose. EVERYBODY had an opinion and it was none of their business...but it was my mother, the eldest of the siblings who spoke up and said at his wedding that many had boycotted, 'those of you who lay your head on a cold pillow late at night without your life partner, raise your hands and cast the first stone.' needless to say no one raised their hands but the rivalry continued until my grandfather passed in 91 and my mother and I were the only ones speaking to my step grandmother the day she died 5 years ago. I say live and let live and for God's sake 'LOVE.'
posted by
SEEDLINGS
on December 14, 2007 at 11:35 AM
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Bpitter
Thanks for your comment. Yes, I stuck by my dear little sister but even better is that she eventually stood up for herself...she's one heck of a strong woman. My sister is blessed that so soon after loosing her first husband a man came into her life, and of all places at a stop light...and he changed her life and she his for the better. They are strong together, they are one and they are of course now the envy of all those folks, family alike who thought and spread dread. They are 17 yeras strong
posted by
SEEDLINGS
on December 14, 2007 at 11:29 AM
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Kabu
Thanks for stopping in today
posted by
SEEDLINGS
on December 14, 2007 at 11:25 AM
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sometimes I believe its easier for the person to pass away rather divorce as they are still around when you are suffering their loss, and the men usually marry before the wife and people look at it differently when its a man
posted by
Lanetay
on December 14, 2007 at 10:54 AM
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It's really hard to live for what others think...
...you must live for yourself. Others don't have to suffer your lost so whatever they say about you that is not nice is very inconsiderate. Everyone who loses someone reacts differently. There is no "assigned" reaction to feelings. You stood by her and you should be proud. Hell with what everybody says.
posted by
b2008
on December 14, 2007 at 10:48 AM
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People never approve of anything a widow or divorcee does.
Actually you said it all at Wiley's blog and in such a special way.
posted by
Kabu
on December 14, 2007 at 10:38 AM
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