Go to Letter from India
- Add a comment
- Go to Thinking About Mother
aha 310, I'm glad
I think most of us don't thave the skills to develop this understanding. But, we can sure ork on acquring and using them for better relationships. And guilt? Usless emotion!!!
posted by
Greenfields
on May 13, 2008 at 7:36 PM
| link to this | reply
I could really relate to what you are expressing - tonight I felt that my mom and I weren't trying to understand each other regarding a particular situation, and I have been feeling very guilty about it. It is so true, "it is our expectations that are faulty" - what a perfect way to describe it. Thanks - I enjoyed reading this, Greenfields.
aha_310
posted by
aha_310
on May 13, 2008 at 3:36 PM
| link to this | reply
TAPS., thank you for reading, appreciating and responding.
Makes posting and sharing worthwhile!
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 10:53 PM
| link to this | reply
What a great post, Greenfields. There are lessons in it for all of us. Thank you for sharing.
posted by
TAPS.
on May 12, 2008 at 9:17 PM
| link to this | reply
jmh256
thank you. I deeply believe in this, having worked on it for years.
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 12:08 PM
| link to this | reply
"In an imperfect world of 'shoulds' it's our expectation that is faulty." This is such a profound sentence. If more people understood this, there might be less fissured families.
posted by
jmh256
on May 12, 2008 at 11:27 AM
| link to this | reply
sam444
Thanks and cheers!
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 8:28 AM
| link to this | reply
helenography, thank you and do come again
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 8:27 AM
| link to this | reply
Loribeth215
thank you. Yes, no matter gow much we think we will not be like our mothers, we are. My sisters and I often catch oursleves and say 'just like your mother' and laugh hysterically!
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 8:27 AM
| link to this | reply
shahdlou
relationships, all over the world, in the old days and now, are difficut, in my view. The popular belief is that arranged marriages are great, but there is as much desperation there as there is in love marriages - due to expectations and lack of communication skills. Being and staying in touch is important.
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 8:25 AM
| link to this | reply
benzinha
So true what you say. Love is surely a great deal, but somtimes it isn't enough. It takes feeling and thinking through stuff to make it work. There is so much that gets screwed up, and it takes a great deal of work to unravel it.
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 8:22 AM
| link to this | reply
elysianfields
thank you for your lovely and touching words and sentiments. Yes, I am indeed fortunate to have the good and sad experiences of life - for they taught me a lot. And, making peace is hard (and yet so easy) work, yes?
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 8:20 AM
| link to this | reply
Whacky, to you too
posted by
Greenfields
on May 12, 2008 at 8:18 AM
| link to this | reply
Great write. It is tough being a mom! I am blessed to have three great children. And yes those boys need to be reminded to say happy Mother's Day and yes we forgive them. sam
posted by
sam444
on May 12, 2008 at 6:39 AM
| link to this | reply
This is so moving...
it's amazing to read about somebody from a completely different walk of life can experience such similar feelings about relationships. Keep it up I will be back to read more.
posted by
helenography
on May 12, 2008 at 5:48 AM
| link to this | reply
those were beautiful thoughts
about your Mother. You may have had trouble communicating with each other as it sounds that you were much alike. I am glad that you were able to make peace for yourself as well as her.
posted by
Loribeth215
on May 12, 2008 at 3:48 AM
| link to this | reply
Mothers and marriage
There is so much that comes to the surface when I read your column. My relationship to my mother seems much as yours was. My mother is still alive, 91, we speak on the phone every Sunday morning. We are the best of friends on the phone. As soon as I visit though, which is rarely (I'm in France, she's in England), the atmosphere degenerates almost immediately. We can't put up with each other. So much intransigence on either side. And on another tack, is the divorce rate in India lower than in the west? I suppose arranged marriages don't happen as often now, but the ones one hears of often seem to work so well. And on another tack again, my children live in the States and in England, so we have three different mother's days between us, and they seem to miss all three...! But I don't set much store by mother's day, I'd prefer they keep in touch all year long, which they do wonderfully well.
posted by
shahdlou
on May 12, 2008 at 12:16 AM
| link to this | reply
There is too much to learn about mothering and so little time.
The lessons that come late follow us and speak to us most often, whispering, "Don't repeat me, be different this time." It is all that we can do.
I try not to think too heavily on the subject, just embrace it all, love my grandchildren,love my children, love my mother, love having family. Love is the center.
posted by
benzinha
on May 11, 2008 at 9:59 PM
| link to this | reply
Greenfields, This touched my heart (to the marrow) really...you have such a keen sensitivity and controlled emotions and I admire and respect you. You have Grace ---- that is from your Mother ~ she was (is) a reflection. This account of yours brings me back to much --- times with my mother, misunderstandings, even to the day I leaned into her ear (as she was passing away) and begged forgiveness. This touched my heart.
and I'm glad you and your son made contact. It's a blessing yes? ~ Have a good night or day...I'm off to bed
(peaceful from your post here) Elyse
posted by
elysianfields
on May 11, 2008 at 9:20 PM
| link to this | reply
Happy Mothers day!
From me and
=^..^=
posted by
Whacky
on May 11, 2008 at 9:03 PM
| link to this | reply