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- Go to Life in the cracks looking to the sky to breathe!
posted by
contagion_publishing
on June 20, 2008 at 7:05 PM
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Will you be my son? I love you sooooooo! I found this among the outstanding imagery! What I like most about your poetry is I always get something to take away for keeps!
looking
to the sky to breathe!
Oh darlin' such a soothing aroma. Love to you by the bouquets!!
Shelly
posted by
sam444
on June 19, 2008 at 12:17 PM
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This reminds me of a place I have never been
but I have studied it a bit: the Burren in County Clare, Ireland. It is a land of broken stone, great natural pavers with deep fissures in between, and in those deep cracks grow plants and wildflowers found no where else but perhaps high in the Alps, and other remarkable places. It is a truly unique environment, a wonder of the natural world!
And it is all about life down in the cracks!
Poetically speaking, this one does flow more smoothly than the previous poem--and the exclamation means more because it is limited.
It might be fun to play with the line breaks in this.
It is a general rule of thumb, one of the only ones I know about poetic structure, that if you use short lines, the reader will feel more tension, more impact; long lines are more soothing, more emotionally mellow.
Your long lines here work because they give a sense of the tedium of being stuck in the cracks... It is the voice of a long roll of thunder. Short lines would emphasize the anger and resistance, the voice of a machine-gun. In fact, it would give the effect you get somewhat with the exclamation marks, but subtler.
One minor point: "green" is only the color of money in the US, I believe, and these days--I suspect--has more of a conotation of the green of nature--'going green' sorta thing.
Thanks for the heads-up over in my comments, to come look!
posted by
Ciel
on June 19, 2008 at 9:10 AM
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Very good metaphor...as yesterday I was on some farm land that held huge cracks in the fields due to drought...I thought at one point, how easily I could fall in one of those cracks (trip over actually - stumble) and yet, I looked to the sky - the big beautiful sky and changed my focus - to enjoy Heavenly review. Lestate! ~ write on! this is inspiring words of yours.
Elyse
posted by
elysianfields
on June 19, 2008 at 5:54 AM
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excellent job my dear!!! life indeed is of 'crACKS' yet of course, we must keep going...well done dear...well said...
posted by
__Purple_Mermaid11__
on June 19, 2008 at 4:33 AM
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