Go to Elinjo's World
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- Go to Business as usual? (re-write first part)
It's fun watching a story take shape through edits.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on October 16, 2009 at 5:28 PM
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The story caught my attention
Good writing. Chuck.
posted by
Chuck_E_Ibrahim
on October 16, 2009 at 2:40 AM
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Much better!
Not that I wasn't interested in your story the first time around. But I agree, it does flow better than the first go. I've heard a few rumors about where the story leads, but so far I've been able to stick my thumbs in my ears and avert my eyes until I get a chance to come back and read for myself.
The style of language is different from what I am used to, but I find I am enjoying a change of pace. Good job! I'm glad you're pursuing this.
posted by
myrrhage_
on October 15, 2009 at 4:18 PM
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Elinjo - An interesting beginning to an excellent write. Best wishes.
posted by
shobana
on October 15, 2009 at 3:44 PM
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Re: Nice editing! Pat B
Yes, exactly nobody would want a conflict if they knew they would possibly never see the person in question again. Thanks for the compliment.
posted by
elinjo
on October 15, 2009 at 11:33 AM
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This is flowing well and held my attention all the way through so well done
posted by
Kabu
on October 15, 2009 at 8:29 AM
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ok like the previous story you wrote I read it in sections and now I will do that with this one, otherwise I loose my attention.
posted by
Lanetay
on October 15, 2009 at 7:59 AM
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I think this is a fine job of editing, too! It has to feel good as well! I do a lot of rewriting and find it to be gratifying! Shelly
posted by
sam444
on October 15, 2009 at 6:31 AM
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Nice editing!
Now that I know a bit more of the story, the "love you and leave you" remark and Granny's unusual tolerance as foreshadow.
Write on!
posted by
Pat_B
on October 15, 2009 at 4:47 AM
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Re-written Part I
This version flows more smoothly, and I think it is an improvement. Well done. I think that I would have liked to be one of your kids or grandkids at bedtime, because your bedtime stories would be very entertaining. You are a talented storyteller, and they have been highly valued, ever since language and historic folk tales were first developed, while sitting around a campfire.
Guy
posted by
northsage_45
on October 15, 2009 at 4:38 AM
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Great, as usual! Enjoy the day with Joshua!
posted by
Nita09
on October 15, 2009 at 2:32 AM
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rick
great read!
posted by
rickmenace
on October 15, 2009 at 12:29 AM
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