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You won't go on with this crippling pain on the inside
because bit by bit you are letting it out
posted by
Azur
on December 4, 2009 at 10:14 PM
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Lindo
Dreams are windows on the soul...And Freud had much to say about dreams...And yes, you seem to be having a tough time, but I have the sense that you're gaining strength as you go...And when you look back on this time, you will do so with justifiable pride...
posted by
Nautikos
on November 27, 2009 at 12:14 PM
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Don't be afraid of being afraid.
It is like a stain on an irreplaceable rug, the traffic of time and better days will leave it there, but less and less distinct. Unless you keep staring at it.
In the USA perhaps you could find a group of like minded and experienced women, maybe through a priest, therapist, or referral sevice.
posted by
majroj
on November 25, 2009 at 10:11 PM
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Hi Lindo, how haunting and traumatic it must have been and nightmares like this are mostly due to fear and trauma that you have been through I believe. I'm glad you and your son are safe and beginning a life together.
posted by
shobana
on November 25, 2009 at 12:41 AM
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That was a terrible, terrible nightmare. Your description of it was very vivid. It is exactly your ability to retell this type of thing that will help you get through this crisis. Furthermore you can tell from the comments you've already received that quite a few other bloggers have been through similar traumas, are listening to you and are sending you encouraging vibes.
From what you told us about your busy schedule it sounds as though you are making a success of your life and giving Adam a secure life in his new environment.
You get out of the tunnel again and on the other side the sun will still be shining. 
posted by
elinjo
on November 24, 2009 at 11:56 PM
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How uncanny to come upon this! My daughter called today with a wild dream or nightmare such as this! It was so real and she was astounded at her willingness to go along even on a whim! She knew full well that it was a bad thing to do, but like you couldn't seem to get herself out of it in her dream! You have come this far, don't give up! You can find that inner peace again through strength of resolve! sam
posted by
sam444
on November 24, 2009 at 9:48 PM
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you will regain your life, and be just fine
what you are experiencing is a form of post traumatic stress, it is normal and natural to do when something horrible happens to us. You will prevail for yourself and your child, I know exactly what you are expeirencing I was married to an egyptian man, know the culture, ....
posted by
Tzippy
on November 24, 2009 at 9:42 PM
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You have so much on your mind. Here's hoping everything is straightened out.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on November 24, 2009 at 8:09 PM
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It is the stress and exhaustion that I warned about.
I was doing almost exactly the same things, but with three babies and teaching and art and school and omygosh.........
I dreamed that I was safely escaped from him, was living at my mother's house, which was true, but that he had come across the country's border illegally ( I had an alert on his name, they had to notify me if he entered the country) and had come in a window and was quietly killing my entire family as they slept, one room at a time.
I weighed ten thousand kilos and couldn't get up out of bed, then could barely walk down the hallway to where he was coming out of one room, and as I tried to stop him, I felt like immovable stone, until I finally killed him and woke up.
That horrible dream and the feelings it brought that night stayed with me for years. I pity us brave women, as the price is very high for our bravery and it comes as doubt and worry and sleeplessness.
Rest when you can, rest often.
posted by
benzinha
on November 24, 2009 at 4:15 PM
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This story which is not a story at all is just so disturbing. I wish I could find the right words to give you any comfort, but believe me, my thoughts are with you.
posted by
vogue
on November 24, 2009 at 4:04 PM
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How terrible for you. I've had some realistic bad dreams a time or two, but that sounds like a real doozy. Apparently too much stress will do that. When I was stressed out, I would have the same bad dream over and over. I hope that doesn't happen to you.
posted by
TAPS.
on November 24, 2009 at 4:03 PM
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