Go to MY PERCEPTIVE REFLECTION!!
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- Go to STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART - THE COMPLETE NAKED TRUTH! JUDGE ME IF U WISH!
What a packet of wisdom there is in this crowd!
I especially agree with what Kabu suggested: you have both done so much healing of yourselves, and you have done also a lot for your kids, to make their lives stable. Well, a relationship is like another person, another creation you are making between you, like a sculpture you both make your own designs into, and also have to blend the edges between yours and his, so the whole thing expresses you both, but is one artwork.
Couples and family counseling can help you smooth and blend, and work out the difficult bits that get you stuck, or seem to send you back to that place when you were two different people. It will also help you know when it is time to come back together in one house. Or to know that you don't need to do that at all, to be a functional family. After all, you don't have conform to the traditional family to be successful. You can redefine it for yourselves, for what works regardless of what it seems the world expects. "The Sabbath was made for Man, not Man for the Sabbath."
I wish you joy and triumph over fears and onerous expectations! You have already created success where many would have accepted failure.
posted by
Ciel
on July 26, 2011 at 3:30 AM
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I listed a book “20 Surprising Rules and Tools for a Great Marriage” on my blog. Excellent book to start any relationship on the right track. I’m glad to hear you are communicating well. That was part of my husband’s and my problem. We let the little things build up over the years and instead of talking when we should have, we built walls instead of bridges. I am a survivor. I have been through many trials these past 3 years. You’ll understand if you read my blog beginning in July to the present. Until you both come to know the Lord, you will be groping in the dark on many things. Come to the Light…. for the Truth shall set you free! He is the great Couselor! Best of luck.
posted by
Butterfly-1950
on July 22, 2011 at 4:48 PM
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ahhhh thank you all so much for your comments...
I read and listened to you all....and have taken them all on board....I cannot thank you all enough for your advice, warnings, stories, opinions...etc...thank you ever so much....I will catch up reading you all soon.....and thank you all personally....
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 22, 2011 at 2:22 AM
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I'm reading all about a system called HeartMath at the moment. It's all about listening to your heart...
posted by
Rockingrector_retd
on July 20, 2011 at 8:11 AM
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Wow. You've pretty much been there and back, Symph.
And you are obviously much stronger for the trip, even if it was one no one wants to take. Bless you and keep you!
posted by
strat
on July 19, 2011 at 10:25 AM
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posted by
lionreign
on July 18, 2011 at 11:34 AM
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posted by
teddypoet_TheGoodByeFade
on July 17, 2011 at 3:48 PM
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keep it between us. You are healing. Not only that, you are your own physician.Keep strong and love your children. One day he or another may match up to your strength. Till then, lean hard, we love you.
posted by
RoseyP
on July 17, 2011 at 7:09 AM
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w You shared so it’s already feels better love. BC-A, Bill’s R®st
posted by
BC-A
on July 16, 2011 at 11:39 PM
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I think the best thing one can do is follow their heart! It broke my heart to read about your brother! So very sad! sam
posted by
sam444
on July 16, 2011 at 9:00 PM
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You are such a lovable person
And you've been through so much...and got through it...
people change..you're family probably knows that....and will be accepting
if you're truly happiness...that happiness will rub off on them 
posted by
MiaElla
on July 16, 2011 at 7:57 PM
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I think that most of the time, family will take the side of family...
no matter who is to blame...and in most cases, it is not just one person.
You may think it was mostly your fault, but it seems clear that he had his share of mistakes too, so don't be so hard on yourself.
It seems you really like your life as it is... it seems that you are not going anywhere and neither is he, so no real need to rush things. Don't feel a need to set a date or time frame. Just take things slowly. If and when you are ready for more commitment, you will know.
You don't have to hold back on having a good time with him when you want...but remember... you don't have to commit either.
Just enjoy the good times and don't worry too much. 
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 16, 2011 at 6:28 PM
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It's good you shared your pain with us here . You will feel light .
posted by
afzal50
on July 16, 2011 at 6:10 PM
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I think you are trying to move forward in good heart and with integrity
You seem to be saying that you would like a reconciliation but you're not sure you want it to be converted to a fulltime arrangement at this stage. I think that is fair enough and I think given the history that is an option you should consider strongly. You can still be strong partners, and parents. i think you have to be careful not to place too much emphasis on the the changes he has made and you have made. That's great but don't pile on pressures to that side. The main thing is to be accepting and compassionate of yourselves and each other as you are now, and regarding what you and the children need now.
Many people have successful relationships where they have a loving commitment to each other but do not live together all of the time. And in a way that can be good because then you need to continue to make clear and ongoing arrangements that fit in for both of you. Then later if you want to change to a situation where you both live together you can or you can continue as you are. There;s always more than one or two options. It should not be a case of my way or the highway or a matter of all or nothing.
In having something where you can be together yet have clearly defined boundaries you can have a rich and warm relationship that is frequently refreshed. It's also important not to make it about money. You have both survived through hardships so you can manage the cost of maintaining separate places. Money is not the important thing in this.
I look at the way you write it all out and see how far you've come. So you can handle this and give yourself whatever you need.
love from me.
posted by
Azur
on July 16, 2011 at 5:56 PM
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I remember reading you when you were going through difficult times and learning how to stand on your own. Surely during that time you have honed your intuition so I suspect your making decisions from a far healthier place than you used to.
posted by
Troosha
on July 16, 2011 at 5:28 PM
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Symphony
It is so good to read you again luv, it was like I lost a daughter. You have done well, and you do not have to explain anything to anybody is how life is. Just live, love and be happy and think of Jesus if you will. The three of you will do just fine.
posted by
WileyJohn
on July 16, 2011 at 12:41 PM
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Dear One I can only speak from my own experience so many years ago. I Married the father of my children twice. I went through therapy went into business for myself grew and thought I had it all together. You see he had been the perfect date before I married him. After I divorced him he again was, even had some therapy, not a lot for himself, he was that charming promising person. I did not see it coming the last time. I thought for sure he had changed. Some do I am sure. I don't know about them, but I would still use caution and get therapy together or somethig powerful to let you know the truth about him. It hurts worse to go through it a second time when you feel sure you are going into a healed relationship. I love you and remember when this was going on and you were in such trouble. I want you to be happy and I don't have the answers, just prayer.
posted by Justi on July 16, 2011 at 11:29 AM | | reply |
posted by
Justi
on July 16, 2011 at 11:32 AM
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I'll only say this love...do what YOU feel is right for you. But be careful. VERY careful.
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on July 16, 2011 at 11:26 AM
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You have been through so much in your life...I find that there are things that I say on Blogit that I have not told people who are near me as well.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on July 16, 2011 at 9:34 AM
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I would recommend the two of you go for councelling as a couple before the
christmas holiday. It is wonderful that you can talk it all out together but a councellor can pick up on words and signs that we are not aware of. you both seem to have come on a long and truly horrid journey,,,,I wish you all the best, for you and for the children.
posted by
Kabu
on July 16, 2011 at 9:23 AM
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Blogit is definitely the place where bloggers wear their hearts on their sleeves. It is so easy to spill ones guts here without looking back or regretting it. It is a private, yet loving and caring group of people that are "out there somewhere" and we know that very likely we will never see any of them in person. It is a good sounding board, and we even earn a few pennies for being read.
posted by
TAPS.
on July 16, 2011 at 8:40 AM
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wow I am surprised, even though its been 5 years I hope you will be very careful. My daughter and her husband have had their good and bad times, right now it seems to be good, but things have a way of changing. Good luck to you, I do hope it turns out.
posted by
Lanetay
on July 16, 2011 at 8:34 AM
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