Go to From The Observation Deck
- Add a comment
- Go to A 'mild' protest perhaps but
There is one recourse, for anyone who witnesses this abuse,
if you live in a state that recognizes this kind of verbal abuse as domestic violence. In some states, cops and judges are mandated to arrest and charge, which leads to trial or deferral of prosecution if the abuser attends anger management school for a few weeks. Fines would be in there, too, somewhere, and court costs. A no-contact order would be in place, too.
Unfortunately, I have not heard of a state that likewise mandates counseling or treatment for the abused, to teach them not to just cringe and take it, excuse and enable it.
posted by
Ciel
on April 25, 2012 at 7:45 AM
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Re:
Thanks, mariss. So do I.Yeah, it's a terrible situation. I can only hope that either this man learns to respect his wife more, or she finds a way to "eliviate" herself from that problem! 
posted by
JimmyA
on April 19, 2012 at 1:53 PM
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I like your approach to women better. It is hard to be trapped with ogres like that. Only thing, if he goes down, she does too, but no one should want to prosper him. 
posted by
mariss9
on April 19, 2012 at 11:03 AM
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Re: Re: you can say that again dear...
posted by
JKosef
on April 19, 2012 at 9:14 AM
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Re:
Thanks, JKosef. Yeah, madness is one word you can use. People's lack of manners and their disrespect for one another can be appalling sometimes. Yeah, I'd say my wife is pretty lucky.
posted by
JimmyA
on April 19, 2012 at 6:05 AM
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YOu are one fine man... you're wife is a very lucky woman dear...Dont I just know all about this madness in this world we live in...
posted by
JKosef
on April 18, 2012 at 7:21 PM
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Re:
I don't know, Tissi, I just don't know sometimes. Everyone gets stressed and needs to vent from time to time, but there needs to be some civility as well. It is sad. Thank you for the compliment.
posted by
JimmyA
on April 18, 2012 at 6:54 AM
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Jimmy too bad there ren't more men ( and women) in this world like you. I hate to see Moms and Dads verbally abusing their kids and the world seems ok with it. so sad...
posted by
TissiBlake
on April 18, 2012 at 6:30 AM
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Re:
That, Against, is what my own personal "mild protest" was all about, vowing to not only never return to that store myself, but to also get others to do the same.
posted by
JimmyA
on April 18, 2012 at 6:08 AM
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I feel sorry for the woman, subjected to abuse as she is by the dominant husband in a Mom and Pop shop. Maybe people only go to these convenient stores because of their convenience, but if we see something like this, perhaps we should rebel against the conveneince of going there.
posted by
Against4WindsOn2Flam
on April 17, 2012 at 6:33 PM
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Re: Jimmy
Thanks, Naut. I do hope that the next generation can learn from their elder's mistakes. Can you imagine a world where everyone respects everyone . . . regardless? Is that so far fetched? 
posted by
JimmyA
on April 17, 2012 at 2:25 PM
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Re: I'm afraid that kind of behavior bridges cultural gulfs
Yes, Pat, unfortunately, that's a strong possibility. Regardless of everyone's culture, mutual respect should be the norm! What a terrible shame. She really seemed like a very nice person, completely undeserving of that kind of treatment!
posted by
JimmyA
on April 17, 2012 at 2:23 PM
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Jimmy
I would not have gone back either! What's more, I don't think anything would really help this poor woman. There are important differences between cultures, among them those relating to the treatment of women. With some luck, at least their children will become more civilized...
posted by
Nautikos
on April 17, 2012 at 1:54 PM
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I'm afraid that kind of behavior bridges cultural gulfs
and there are abusive souls in ours as well as the other. I hope she discovers a way to get out of that situation -- I'm thinking if he's that evil to her in front of others, he's likely even worse when they're alone.
posted by
Pat_B
on April 17, 2012 at 1:52 PM
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Re: You're right that it is most difficult to bridge a cultural difference
Yeah, Ciel, that's pretty much how I assessed the situation. It was best to just not get involved. Unless of course he was in the midst of physically abusing her. Then I think everyone in that line would have jumped in!
posted by
JimmyA
on April 17, 2012 at 12:54 PM
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You're right that it is most difficult to bridge a cultural difference
in the fundamental concepts of, for instance, what is acceptible behavior towards a spouse. Whatever you might have done would only have offended him, and from the sound of it, she would have taken the brunt of his indignation.
posted by
Ciel
on April 17, 2012 at 11:49 AM
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Re: JimmyA
Unfortunately, Wiley, it is now so after-the-fact, that both the mistake, and my chance at redemption, are long lost. I can only hope that this man's verbal treatment of his wife does not escalate into physical abuse. She did not . . . and does not . . . deserve that! And like I wrote, "smacking him" would have probably only caused more problems for everyone, including me! Thanks for weighing in.
posted by
JimmyA
on April 17, 2012 at 7:46 AM
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Re:
It sure is, Bright. Like I wrote, however mild my protest was by not returning to that store, it might have been worse if I had returned . . . for her! Regardless, his conduct was deplorable!
posted by
JimmyA
on April 17, 2012 at 7:41 AM
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JimmyA
You gotta go back. Tell the guy you that you accidently took the two papers because you were under such stress over having to listen to his abuse of his wife, you left rather than call the police and have him charged with spousal abuse. In Canada that is a criminal offense.Kudo's to you for not smacking him in the chops yourself.Thanks for your visit to my blog.
posted by
WileyJohn
on April 16, 2012 at 6:25 PM
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Hi Jimmy .. I agree with Jay's fear that the woman would have probably been further abused for such a innocent mistake. I know about abused woman and speaking up in her defense would have caused a man like him to blame her for the lack of respect he had received from customers. It is truly sad to see such dysfunction in action!
posted by
BrightIrish
on April 16, 2012 at 3:36 PM
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Re:
That's true too, UtahJay. If I had gone back to pay for the extra paper, he might have been even more upset with her for allowing such a gaffe in the first place, even though it was an honest mistake and I was trying to make amends! Regardless, his public display should not be considered acceptable anywhere . . . anytime!
posted by
JimmyA
on April 16, 2012 at 6:49 AM
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Re:
That is why, Sam, I vowed never to go into that particular store ever again . . . and I haven't. Believe me, my wife is always the beneficiary of my insistence on treating her like a goddess, because that's what she is to me!
posted by
JimmyA
on April 16, 2012 at 6:45 AM
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Re: actually hitting him would achieve nothing except for her to probably
Well, Kabu, like you said, hindsight is always 20-20. A couple of us in that line could have spoken up, in one form or another, if for nothing else but to calm this guy down a little. But who knows? If it appeared we were coming to his wife's defense in any way, he might have looked at that as an infringement on their marriage or privacy, and she may have paid for it even worse later!
posted by
JimmyA
on April 16, 2012 at 6:42 AM
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Re:
So would I, FSI. But not just in public . . . altogether!
posted by
JimmyA
on April 16, 2012 at 6:37 AM
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Re:
I don't know, Justi, I just don't know. I can only imagine what they might say and do to each other in private!
posted by
JimmyA
on April 16, 2012 at 6:36 AM
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Re:
That's true, C C T. I don't think displays of that kind are necessarily one-sided as far as the spouses are concerned. It was just the incident I was forced to deal with. Yes, I indeed felt pity and helplessness! 
posted by
JimmyA
on April 16, 2012 at 6:35 AM
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It may be acceptable in their home country and it may be not, I know I have heard home grown folks talk down to their wives in vile and hurtful ways too. I sometimes wonder if it isn't how we are brought up more than where we were brought up. I don't know if I would have taken the paper back, my wife would have for sure, but I would hate to think that she got even more hell on earth from him because of the lose of the one paper that I took.
posted by
UtahJay
on April 15, 2012 at 11:42 PM
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I think I might have done the same, why bother with rudeness a second time! I liked how you handled it and your wife was quite the beneficiary, too! sam
posted by
sam444
on April 15, 2012 at 4:47 PM
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actually hitting him would achieve nothing except for her to probably
get slapped around later. What would have been good is if all of you had told this ....that this is unacceptable in this country, that one doesn't bring such behaviour here. and that you will never be back to shop.
So easy to be spot on after the fact....and your wife would have enjoyed being appreciated like this.
posted by
Kabu
on April 15, 2012 at 3:38 PM
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I feel that you did the right thing. It's ashame how some people treat another. I would love to see that sort of behavior disappear.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on April 15, 2012 at 1:22 PM
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What has happened to basic good manners? This from either spouse is an incredible assult on all those in ear shot.
posted by
Justi
on April 15, 2012 at 12:26 PM
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Jimmy I have even seen the woman doing the berating in front of customers, It was a horrible experience which I never forgot. One feels helpless and pity indeed for the victim
posted by
C_C_T
on April 15, 2012 at 11:07 AM
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