Go to Tales from the Bush in Quebec
- Add a comment
- Go to A VISITOR
Well Adnohr my advice would have been to buy a small seperate place near to her daughter. The only advice I can give now is to doll her up a bit and hope she can find a gentleman with his own home who is lonely . She is not to old at present and a lot of men would like to have someone sprightly to moosey along with. Never give up your home it will not work out , although my cousin has done so and is quite happy but she has a flat adjoining the main property.
posted by
C_C_T
on July 14, 2013 at 6:22 AM
| link to this | reply
Re: adnohr
I'm so glad she made it safely. I know you will take care of her now. Caleb enjoyed his Canada visit very much. Two other friends went with him and they had a blast. Now he is in Melbourne AU working for 9 mos. He makes his money by helping companies make money on a contract basis.
posted by
TAPS.
on July 13, 2013 at 10:15 PM
| link to this | reply
It is a sad thing, Bro
but we get through such events, don't we? Learning as we go. And we keep on, keepin' on.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 10:09 PM
| link to this | reply
She made it, TAPS, although she did get lost for a bit, poor thing,
which meant her drive lasted 10 hours, and she hadn't slept a wink last night, of course! The agenda was hot food and a much needed bed. Tomorrow is time enough for talking. Yes, I remember your nephew coming up this way - so sorry I didn't get to meet him,. Did he enjoy my neck of the woods??
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 10:08 PM
| link to this | reply
I think the problem is more between daughter and mother
than grandmother and kids, Kabu. They are such complete opposites, which is okay until you have to live together.
. She knows she can stay here as long as she wants and/or needs. Like you, I think time to calm down and think is the thing, for her AND for the others.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:59 PM
| link to this | reply
As I answered Naut, Mai - the lawyer thing will not happen.
The lady will do without before going back on her word, and she promised her daughter and the kids the house....but was supposed to live there with them. Hopefully she just needs a little time away to restructure their agreement.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:55 PM
| link to this | reply
Thank you, FSI,. I hope it will work out too.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:52 PM
| link to this | reply
You could be right, Dr JPT.
I'm not a psychologist, my guess may be inadequate. I would think more that she lets people lean on her. Her ex-husband was a weak person, and I tend to think her daughter needs Helen more than Helen needs her, and managed to talk Helen into all this. She's a sucker for those she loves.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:51 PM
| link to this | reply
I would venture that what they all need is a break from each other, Jimmy.
And Helen needs to assert herself, and to refuse to pay more than her share.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:45 PM
| link to this | reply
As I am blessed to have hers, Grandma.
It's a two-way street.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:43 PM
| link to this | reply
Thank you, Simone.
A wonderful person is pushing it (I can be a bitch on occasion
), but I do hope I'm as good a friend to her as she is to me.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:43 PM
| link to this | reply
That's not going to happen, Naut - not the lawyer part for sure.
It's her only daughter and granddaughters...Helen would never be able to turn on them. I though at the time it was insane too, and tried to warn her, but.....
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:41 PM
| link to this | reply
And that's what I intend to do, Rumor - listen to her.
Hopefully by talking it through she'll be able to make some wise decisions. BTW - she would do the same for me.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:38 PM
| link to this | reply
I agree with you concerning the daughter, Jay.
She is also a bit of a drama queen. Yet - there always is 2 sides to a story. I'll know more after I spend some time with Helen. I certainly don't agree about her handing over all her money (never did), but I also suspect that they are all finding the adaptation process somewhat difficult.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 9:35 PM
| link to this | reply
adnohr
God Bless you sis just for being on the planet. I'm sorry about your friend and I do hope she can be set right and get back on her feet. So sad to hear about that.
posted by
WileyJohn
on July 13, 2013 at 9:29 PM
| link to this | reply
I cannot imagine her driving all that way, especially under the mental stress of everything that has been happening to her. I hope she will be safe. What a special friend you are....not just to her...to everyone. I have not forgotten that you offered to house my young Baltimore nephew when he made his first trip up there to your area.
posted by
TAPS.
on July 13, 2013 at 4:59 PM
| link to this | reply
and you tried to tell me that you aren't an Angel....yes she needs a rest a calm down and time to think. Three generations is a lot under one roof and the Mother will always protect her kids over the Grandmother. Yes she need a lawyer most definitely.
posted by
Kabu
on July 13, 2013 at 3:42 PM
| link to this | reply
Oh gosh!
I second Naut's advise - Helen needs to consult a lawyer and take a good look at her options! In the meantime, she's lucky to have a friend like you - I'm sure your SMILES and support will mean a lot while she's going through this mess
posted by
Mia890
on July 13, 2013 at 3:12 PM
| link to this | reply
Here is to hoping that things get resolved...A good move by you in not taking sides.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on July 13, 2013 at 10:03 AM
| link to this | reply
I feel females like your friend who move from husband to child dependency or co-dependency. It is never good for the female.. It is too late now for she will always depend on someone to take care of her in some way or need help. Unfortunately, you are in the middle. Comforting her will only make her more dependent. This is very sad.
posted by
Dr_JPT
on July 13, 2013 at 8:43 AM
| link to this | reply
Does this fall under the heading "familiarity breeds contempt?" If they're having trouble living together already . . . And it seems the finances may only make it worse! She's really going to need your shoulder now!
posted by
JimmyA
on July 13, 2013 at 7:48 AM
| link to this | reply
She is blessed to have your friendship!
posted by
dancin_grandma
on July 13, 2013 at 7:34 AM
| link to this | reply
What a terrible situation and how lucky she is to have a friend like you... You are truly a wonderful person Adhor :-) xoxoxo
posted by
Sinome
on July 13, 2013 at 7:10 AM
| link to this | reply
adnohr
What an utterly terrible situation! I feel so sorry for Helen, but I can't help it - turning over her money to her daughter was just insane! What this lady needs, aside from your support, is solid legal advice! There's got to be a way for her to get her money back from a daughter who's clearly not living up to her end of the bargain...
posted by
Nautikos
on July 13, 2013 at 7:01 AM
| link to this | reply
adnohr...
Thank goodness you are there to be a faithful friend willing to listen to Helen...that will mean so much more under the circumstances....
posted by
Rumor
on July 13, 2013 at 6:55 AM
| link to this | reply
It is sad that money can do that to people, how greed fallows so closely. What you are doing is worth so much more than money to your friend. I feel for her, but more than that, I feel for her daughter who is lost and sees more value in a dollar than she does in her mother who gave her live and suckled her...Now who owes who, and who looks at life in such terms. Your smiles are what she needs now.
posted by
UtahJay
on July 13, 2013 at 5:39 AM
| link to this | reply
Re: A) that's so kind of you, and
What I didn't mention in my post is that I was utterly flabbergasted when I heard yesterday that Helen is still paying her daughter $500/month for living in the house, after having turned over the whole 6 figure amount from her own home sale to buy the place for the family. The house is in her daughter's name only. Her daughter was drinking when she called me last night, and was intent on telling me that she feels her mother owes her all this, because she (the daughter) had helped her mother out more than once throughout the years.Je suis bouche-bée (speechless). It wasn't supposed to be that way - and I heard it by accident...drink makes people say things not intended sometimes. It floored me.
posted by
adnohr
on July 13, 2013 at 5:29 AM
| link to this | reply
A) that's so kind of you, and
2) oh. my. god. 
Keeping my fingers crossed for the poor woman who's going to need a lot of TLC, even therapy - and probably some legal and financial support. I'm so sorry this happened to her, I can just see myself doing something impulsive and ending up in a big knot. Keeping my fingers crossed for her and you. 
posted by
Pat_B
on July 13, 2013 at 5:18 AM
| link to this | reply