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adnohr...
I'm a little behind reading your story, but will catch up...
One can sense this guy's casual haughtiness, but when he checks the shack, with no sign of the girl, the reader's hopes return. You give us another cliffhanger as we hope the girl has somehow escaped, but do we dare get our hopes up?..
..
posted by
Rumor
on September 1, 2013 at 8:53 AM
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posted by
Blue_feathers
on August 22, 2013 at 7:17 AM
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I'm reading. I want to beat the dude about the face and head with a rubber hose, and I am not a violent, or vengeful person.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 18, 2013 at 11:58 PM
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adnohr
I'm weighing in a little late, LOL...But, for what it's worth, I think this is very gripping, and I do not think it would be a good idea to get into the graphic details of the rape...I would, on the other hand, put more emphasis on the sudden wave of sickening fear overcoming this beast, the fear of being found out! In a certain sense it would be a counterpoint to the fear and humiliation suffered by the poor girl...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 18, 2013 at 4:20 PM
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I owe a whole bunch of these...
And thank you all so much!
posted by
adnohr
on August 18, 2013 at 2:29 AM
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You know I could only see the pain for her, I was not looking at it from the point you were writing it because I jumped to conclusions. It is wonderful writing. I am looking forward to reading more.
posted by
Justi
on August 17, 2013 at 10:52 PM
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I read it back over, Bro, and you have a valid point.
I'll work on that one - there is something not quite right with it. Thank you!!!
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:25 PM
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I'm sorry, Jay.
My aim is to disturb with this part, mainly to show how the act played a part in my Lady's character and, as a result, the way she lived her life.
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:24 PM
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Thank you, Justi.
It is not a flowery tale...not this part at any rate...more to do with how my Lady became who she is/was. But she will reveal more about the rape in other chapters.
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:23 PM
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Give me all your ideas, please CCT. Everything is welcome.
I'm quite new at this, and really really appreciate your comments!!
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:21 PM
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To tell the truth, it feels too real to me to even put that much
of the graphic details down on paper, Somone. But yes - the child will reveal more of what exactly happened. It's okay for the email, and take your time. Answer when you are ready.
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:20 PM
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I want it to feel real. Thank you, FSI.
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:17 PM
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His penalty is stiff, Dr JPT. It is the ultimate one.
Thank you!!
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:16 PM
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Thank you Pat-B!
As I told CCT, more description will be revealed later, but by the child...how she felt.how much about what he was doing she understood, etc.
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:16 PM
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I know what you are saying CCT
In this chapter, I'm trying to show it through the rapist's mind, who doesn't see it as terrible at all. Just a power pleasure trip for him. As one reads on,more desciption will be revealed by the girl herself , and by those who love her and who do find it disgusting and foul. And thank you for the advice and the compliment - it is meant to be disturbing.
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:14 PM
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You are right, Kabu. It is snippets.
But hopefuly, the book will move along quickly, of not QUITE so quckly.
posted by
adnohr
on August 17, 2013 at 8:08 PM
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adnohr
"He felt his body stir and reached down to fondle himself. It brought him to his senses."
Up until that sentence it has all been so graphic and horrible. However that sentence doesn't ring true to me sis.
posted by
WileyJohn
on August 17, 2013 at 7:52 PM
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Having been there as a child, it is too much for me. Well written, but too much.
posted by
UtahJay
on August 17, 2013 at 3:05 PM
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You must not stop! I am in the middle between Sinome and CC. I think he would use words that showed his torture such as how he had ripped her or something about the abusiveness. It is not the act but the vileness of the act that needs to be exposed I think. I love your writing, you are talented!
posted by
Justi
on August 17, 2013 at 11:08 AM
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I must disagree again I would not for one minute want to read of this poor lady's distressful trauma. I would merely have liked the rapist to have expressed more fervently his wretched conquest such as (that was a real cruel screw) example. Sadly I have lovely idea for this story but if you ever get tired of it I will tell you. If Simone comes back I never wrote this. Sorry Simone.
posted by
C_C_T
on August 17, 2013 at 10:22 AM
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This was just great! You are super talented Adhor and I disagree with CC... You are not Jockey Collins going for graphic descriptions of sex acts to give who even gets off on that kind of thing a quick fix... True that sells books but rarely will get you a Pulitzer... Your "he did her" sufficiently describes the violation without reaching a pornographic tone which would have to be reached if you were to describe the crime committed against that poor girl in detail... "Didi her" lets your reader 's imagination paint the picture to his or hers limits and is tasteful and appropriate ( Sorry CCT)
I have been in turmoil my friend but I will respond to your e-mail ( which was greatly appreciated) as soon as I can sit to write clearly. Be well and take care of you... Oh and keep writing! I can't wait for more! xoxoxo
posted by
Sinome
on August 17, 2013 at 9:42 AM
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It still feels very real. I look forward to what is next going to happen next.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on August 17, 2013 at 9:42 AM
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I think the fear he is feeling is well deserved. Let him have terror of the fact that he will be exposed and pay a stiff penalty for the pain that he has inflicted. This will show the other side of rape where vengeance is shown as the guilt and shame of what he did comes to his conscious brain. Detail HIS TERROR as he is caught, hand cuffed, sentenced and get violated and abused by inmates who detest those who rape defenseless girls. These are the ones imprisoned for petty theft and loved their mothers and sisters. They straighten out twisted men like this.
posted by
Dr_JPT
on August 17, 2013 at 6:06 AM
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I don't like the extreme graphic stuff myself, but CCT has a point -
If we're to hate this creep properly, and take real satisfaction when he gets what's coming to him, it may be necessary to show the rape. It's very cinematic so far - just enough detail for readers to see the setting - excellent!!! 
posted by
Pat_B
on August 17, 2013 at 3:38 AM
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Adnohr not (did her) although it might be what he might think,
I think you should relate to the reader and express the violation
in more turbulent terms . This is a young girl being savagely abused
this is not seduction in a green meadow it is disgusting and foul.
OK I will shut up, but my point is I know it is fantasy but your writing
is disturbing and not many writers achieve this even with gory details.
posted by
C_C_T
on August 17, 2013 at 12:58 AM
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It surely has the grab factor... and the relief that this child might be his down fall is very satisfying...I am sure that the book won't move along quite this quickly..we are getting snippets. Right!! Do keep posting you have raised all our emotions.
posted by
Kabu
on August 16, 2013 at 9:15 PM
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