Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, December 21, 2012

How to impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her cuddle her kiss her caress her love her stroke her tease her comfort her protect her hug her hold her spend money on her wine & dine her buy things for her listen to her care for her stand by her support her go to the ends of the earth for her.... HOW TO... Sign in to see full entry.

Roadkill

A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by. One day, he spotted a priest... Sign in to see full entry.

Punishment

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a... Sign in to see full entry.

Which would you rather operate on?

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything is numbered. The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

oooooooooooooo that's where they come from!

A woman goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor, my husband has developed a penchant for anal sex. So I came to you for advice." "Ok, let's see...does it hurt you?" "Hmmmm.. a little." "Do you like it?" "Hmmm..... well, yes." "Then, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't do it. If you take care about... Sign in to see full entry.

Men unite

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never Be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can... Sign in to see full entry.

I would have given more...

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a... Sign in to see full entry.

Who says accountants don't have a sense of humor?

TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is... Sign in to see full entry.

Resume bloopers

These are from actual resumes: "Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs. "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability." "Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

god's creations

Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be... Sign in to see full entry.