Tuesday, November 23, 2004
The day is winding down and I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing. I can’t bring myself to focus on anything at all; it’s even tough to write here. My thoughts finally subsided and I can think clearly now, which is so very nice. I never thought I’d be grateful for just being able to think. I did get... Sign in to see full entry.
I'm About to Snap
The pressures and stress of work and life are finally pushing me to a breaking point I think. Managing work, bills and life is one thing; that was challenging but never too difficult. However, mix that in with psychosis and other problems, and it becomes perhaps a bit too much to handle. The only... Sign in to see full entry.
Frustrated to Tears
This morning has not been going well at all. That problem that I was having last time I posted, yeah I’m still having it. I barely focus enough to write this. Five minutes, that’s how long I’ve been writing these last sentences. Six now. It’s so unbelievably frustrating when I can’t get what I’m... Sign in to see full entry.
Desperately Trying to Think
I’m going to try and get myself centered mentally here and write about something that makes sense, rather than babble about how things don’t look the same. I was trying to think up a topic just now, but alas I cannot calm my stupid mind enough to get anything coherent, so I’ll write about how that... Sign in to see full entry.
A New Dosage
Today is starting out as a weird day, to say the least. I’m on my new dose of Risperdal, which doubled yesterday. Things seem kind of, I don’t know, interesting. And I’m feeling pretty strange. I guess I just have to let my body adjust to the new dose, but wow, it’s pretty weird. Driving to work was... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, November 22, 2004
Lost Thoughts
I’m having a bit of trouble at the moment with hearing something, so I’ve got my headphones on trying to drown it out with the music. I’m hoping that it dies down soon so that I might go to bed. I’m going to need all the help I can get when it comes to falling asleep tonight; they upped my dose of... Sign in to see full entry.
Trouble Writing
Tonight is turning out to be a failed attempt to do something new. I ended up programming away most of the night, adding new stuff to my game. Le sigh. Something somewhat embarrassing happened along the way too. I was showing my roommate some stuff, he’s interested in learning to program (I have no... Sign in to see full entry.
Relaxing And Social Fears
This simple truth is that I don’t relax enough, if at all. I wake up, take a shower, and go to work. 10 hours later or so I go home and eat dinner while sitting at my computer or at my desk in my room. If I sit at the computer I’m usually writing code for my game or writing some little application... Sign in to see full entry.
Why Else I Blog
Mary_x made me realize another reason why I blog. Someone at some point in history said that the best thing we can do is learn from those who came before us. By writing this blog, I hope to do just that. While I don’t mean I’m going to take every bit of advice that everyone might have for me, I will... Sign in to see full entry.
Why I Blog
It occurs to me that many people, many many people deal with much worse symptoms of schizophrenia than I do. Some people have actually had the balls to tell me I have no right to complain, seeing as how I don’t have it as bad off as many of the other people in the world. While I don’t disagree that... Sign in to see full entry.