Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

some writer's humor

1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren't necessary. 8.... Sign in to see full entry.

Easy test to qualify

A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers' license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He... Sign in to see full entry.

Recognize him?

Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? - Women working at 900 numbers. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? - In the pages of a romance novel. What do... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Lawyer giving scrooge a run for his money!

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer, so a volunteer was sent to solicit his donation. "Sir, you have a successful law practice. You must be worth millions. Surely you could give back a little to your community through The... Sign in to see full entry.

Be specific!

Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed one of his client's jurors to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, fearing the murder charge being brought by the state. The jury was out for days before returning with the verdict: manslaughter! Later, as Murphy paid off the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had... Sign in to see full entry.

Good news...bad news

A man was summoned to his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a million dollars." "That's the bad news?" laughed the man. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." The terrible news... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Drumming up business

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him,... Sign in to see full entry.

Bad Taste in the Mouth

Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file. The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproves of this... Sign in to see full entry.

Green Side Up!

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color." The contractor... Sign in to see full entry.

The Dark

A blonde and a brunette were walking down the dark basement stairs to find a wrench. When they were half way down the stairs the blonde screamed. "What's wrong?" "Something brushed against my right leg!!" So both the brunette and the blonde were running around the basement screaming. "I keep feeling... Sign in to see full entry.