Thinking Out Loud.

By CunningLinguist - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Opinion

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Holiday Depravity

Do you think Santa gets any this time of year? Mrs. Claus is missing out, because there's no way an old man with a physique like Santa is ' delivering the goods ' with his schedule. This is why Mrs. Claus frequents the Toy Makers workshop, sampling the merchandise. A Panasonic Candlestick is a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 9:53 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 28, 2005

Why I'd Be Pissed If I Were A Midget

You have a hard enough time getting a job the rest of the year, and you're kind of banking on the sure-fire elf gig at Christmas time. But, low and behold, some slightly shorter-than-not-tall person lands the job as Santa's almost-little helper. I mean there's not a plethora of little people jobs... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:40 AM | add or view comments (34) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, November 27, 2005

GIVE ME MONEY

Hey, luna-clicks lookin' to make extra cash this holiday season should look no further. I have a guaranteed (maybe), foolproof (says the fool), easy-as-pie (piece of cake) way to earn money while you sit back and do absolutely nothing (it's what I'm good at). It does seem too good to be true, but... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 9:37 AM | add or view comments (26) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Getting in This Spirit

I was visited by three spirits... Well, actually, two and a half; The Ghost of Christmas Procrastination gave me a raincheck. I guess I've had a little too much Christmas spirit lately. I would really be dreaming of dancing sugarplums if I knew what the hell a sugarplum was. I'm familiar with the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:15 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 25, 2005

The Morning After

Hello all you fat people. Today you're hung over -- your waistband. Your chins have company now and you're a much deeper person. Well, your bellybutton is anyway. All that extra beef is going to help you shove your way through the lines in the shopping malls on this Black Friday. All you lunatics... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 9:15 AM | add or view comments (13) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Rufus On Fire

I'm taking advantage of multiple personality disorder by giving my muse a name, along with some character development. I've noticed that my writing has a couple different flavors and, when I'm really clicking and everything flows, it's as though I'm possessed by some punk-ass prankster who doesn't... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 1:23 PM | add or view comments (21) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 21, 2005

Flippin' the Bird - unPC History

Alright, first the Pilgrims came to America on three ships: the Nina, the Pinto, and the Santa Monica Boulevard. They spent most of their time building low income housing and mini malls, because -- hey, there wasn't anything here except for Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks. The women folk did nothing... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 9:39 AM | add or view comments (21) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Keys to Success - A NUDE Awakening

I tiptoed across the room naked looking for my keys. Of course, I knew my keys weren't in the room - they were outside - but I wasn't about to go out there, because the thermometer read three below zero. I had too much to drink for logic to kick in, but not enough to drink in order to numb me to the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:30 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 18, 2005

Common Sense Is History

Hemlocker is an intriguing character. He's another one of the bloggers who can write consistently and intelligently in great detail daily. I don't know if he's a robot, like Ariala, but if he is, his programmer needs a pat on the back. It blows my mind how people like him, Quirkyalone, and the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 10:12 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Attention All Female Bloggers

Heidi Fleiss, former Hollywood Madam, is opening up a brothel 80 miles outside of Vegas, which will cater to female customers. A meat-packing storage facility, if you will. Heidi calls it a "Stud Farm," which is ironic, because Heidi looks a little bit like a horse. Hehehehe! I think the venture is... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by CunningLinguist at 8:46 AM | add or view comments (11) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I sit up here, taking up space in my spaceship, while observing planet earth with all its quirky whats, whatnots, and what-have-yous, and I attempt to solve all the world's problems with mental duct tape and saran wrap. The solutions to all the wurl's woes can be found here in cryptic candy coding. (Like The Da Vinci Code starring Forrest Gump.) If you can't see the answers, your questioning comes into question.

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