Guy's blog about life with pets in northern mich.

One day I saw Bonkers playing with a lace of my boot. She really enjoys this, particularly when the lace hangs overhead and she can roll onto her back and attack from beneath. I placed the boot on the coffee table, on top of a pencil with the lace draped over the pencil. It was perfectly positioned to swing around tantalizingly above her as she slept below the table. Marilyn is EXTREMELY superstitious. Maybe it’s because she is half Indian. She believes in ghosts, psychics, signs from beyond,... Sign in to see full entry.

I don’t recall what I was thinking about yesterday, maybe I was reading, but some situation inspired one of those strange jumps away from where your mind was, and for a short time, you experience absolute clarity of how it FEELS to be someone else. I spend a lot of time wondering about the thought processes of other people. Usually I’m wondering how otherwise intelligent individuals can accept a bone-headed plan or premise, simply because they fervently wish it to be true. I suppose that my eyes... Sign in to see full entry.

It’s Saturday and it’s raining. Obviously going to be one of those “all-day soakers.” What a drag. I have to check the mower deck, fix whatever is wrong with it, charge the battery, and burn brush, screen compost, weed the garden and cut grass. I’ll tell you one thing for sure; I’m NOT going out in the rain, lying down in mud or wet grass, hooking up extension cords and battery chargers, lawn mowing, brush burning or any of that stuff today. I’m trapped in a big metal box for the whole day. What... Sign in to see full entry.

Marilyn tells me that she plans to watch the CNN special, “The Twisted Minds of The Criminally Insane,” this weekend. When I expressed the enormity of my disinterest to her, she asked me, “Aren’t you even curious?” I answered, “I was married to her for more than twenty YEARS! I already know all I want to know!” “No, I’m not talking about her! I’m talking about; don’t you wonder where you placed in their Criminally Crazy Contest hierarchy? Did they choose a photo that makes you look like a nut... Sign in to see full entry.

It’s a very good thing that nobody had started building those medieval piano-flinging machines when I was a teenager, the vandal years. In those long-ago days our thoughts were filled with plans for the world’s biggest slingshot, cast-iron pipe cannon, rockets and potato guns. There was an elm tree in our neighborhood that was shaped perfectly to become the slingshot from Hell. We could have launched a bowling ball for several blocks if we could have overcome the technical problems involved in... Sign in to see full entry.

Mr. Willie Nelson sends his regrets that he will be unable to attend next year’s extravaganza event you call, “The Worldwide Gathering of the Disciples of GUY.” He has a previous commitment for whichever week will be chosen for your next annual meeting of the brethren and cistern of the “Disciples of GUY.” As Mr. Nelson’s personal assistant, let me offer his sincerest condolences regarding this year’s gathering. I “gather” that all didn’t go according to plan, at your recent festival. Each time... Sign in to see full entry.

One day last week, occured the annual World-wide Gathering of Guy’s Disciples, a chance for all my admirers to assemble in one place, at one time, and rent space in my campground. Right now, I only have “primitive campsites” available. A vast majority of my disciples prefer to bring tents and such, even clear pathways, brush and rocks from their camping spot, personally. These campsites will be next year’s “luxury sites,” available for rental at a slight additional cost. Anyway, the first night... Sign in to see full entry.

What happened to Thursday and Friday? Somebody stole two of my days off, and I’m REALLY pissed! I remember wasting most of Wednesday; it’s normal to unlax the first day of a five-day vacation. There was the day spent waiting in the VFW parking lot, while the kids entertained the circus, and today my last day off! Where was I when the other two valuable vacation days got squandered? Those are days I can never get back! I’m not going to get anything worthwhile done in the single, final, THE MOST... Sign in to see full entry.

Yesterday a small pitiful circus was in a nearby town called Au Gres, Mich. (pronounced Aw Grey) Marilyn had obtained free passes to this circus and the two kids were eagerly anticipating a glorious experience. The passes entitled the bearer and two children free entry, the way I read them. Ivy was doing her best imitation of Marilyn the preceding day, and I threatened to take D.J. to the circus and leave Ivy home, if she didn’t mend her ways. She announced that, were she and I present at the... Sign in to see full entry.

Years and years ago, I used to tell this joke to co-workers and afterward I would watch jaws drop when they realized they’d been had. I called it my “time delay joke.” It went like this: I kept hearing about a co-worker’s sister from him, but had never met her. I figured she must be one of those unfortunate girls that catch Frisbees with her teeth because he kept trying to fix me up with her. Then one day he showed me her photo and it turned out that she was a stunning beauty! I decided to let... Sign in to see full entry.