Guy's blog about life with pets in northern mich.

Have you ever wondered where jokes come from? Who writes them? I imagine a small percentage of jokes write themselves through naturally occurring human interactions and are simply polished and retold by gifted storytellers for people who appreciate human folly and the ridiculous situations we get ourselves into. This is one delightful category of jokes that stands alone and they deserve to be retold to new generations, forever. I think there exists a larger number of jokes that have been made of... Sign in to see full entry.

One year ago I was sitting in this exact same spot in this same part of the couch, with Bonkers on the back of the couch, behind me. It was a sultry night just like tonight and the window was open to let a breeze come through the screen, into the living room. Our across the street neighbor likes to show off each 4 th of July with expensive fireworks, the kind that go, “Whump!” and then you can see a canister tumble upward before it bursts into a multi-colored pyrotechnic flower with a resounding... Sign in to see full entry.

Do you remember the glorious feeling of being released from involuntary servitude in school for the ENTIRE summer? The whole summer! Why that was practically forever. The anticipation was palpable and when we hit the doors that final day in June, nobody wanted to be on the sidewalk leading from the school, their life would be in danger. Then four days later we were moping around complaining that there wasn’t anything to do! We got bored doing nothing but we evaporated when our parents began... Sign in to see full entry.

A salesman was traveling from Detroit to Buffalo N.Y. by train, for a big sales presentation after making his pitch to six company CFO’s in five states over the past week. He sold each one a big commission’s worth of commitment to buy, signed contract and all. He had slept perhaps twenty hours during all that time and his biggest sales week ever and a large bonus, depended on his being sharp and rested when he got to Buffalo. He knew the effects sleep deprivation had on him from his service... Sign in to see full entry.

Today I heard my ex-wife’s voice for the first time in over ten years. I saw her name on the caller ID but I figured that my son had gotten out of jail and was calling from her house. I did consider the remote possibility that it was her on the phone, so I held the phone more than ten inches from my ear and hoped that this might keep my blood from curdling. It seems to have worked, but there may be a delayed effect. She must have guessed that I wasn’t going to tell her about herself, her son,... Sign in to see full entry.

I noticed a pamphlet on the coffee table last night. It says, “Slow Moving Sign Awareness 2007.” My first thought was that signs don’t move, except the ones Marilyn backs her van over, and then only a tiny bit. It turns out that the pamphlet was about those triangular orange, “slow moving VEHICLE” signs that adorn the rear of farm equipment and warn approaching traffic that said vehicle is traveling 25mph or slower. Actually I’ve never seen one move less than 45mph, but that’s neither here nor... Sign in to see full entry.

Last night D.J. lost his first tooth. We were having sweet corn for the first time this year and since his tooth was loosening for several days, I told him that it was likely that it would be “leaving the nest” any moment, now. I teased him that he would probably swallow his tooth and have to squeeze his fingers through his poop to retrieve it for the tooth fairy. As I was eating in the bedroom, in order to be able to hear the TV over everyone’s constant high decibel mouth-to-mouth combat, Ivy... Sign in to see full entry.

A very wealthy old woman called her attorney to write her will, as she was planning her funeral. To say that this old woman was butt-ugly would be a compliment. She looked like her face had caught on fire and someone had put the fire out with an ice pick! Everyone in her small town had always ignored her to her ugly face and slandered and laughed behind her back, and she knew it. She told her young attorney, “Nobody ever paid me any attention during my life, they'll all pay attention when I die!... Sign in to see full entry.

A man was shopping at a new mall near his boyhood home. When he returned to his car, he found that it wouldn’t start. Nobody who felt like helping him had a set of jumper cables. He remembered a path through the adjoining woods leading back to his parent’s house that he had been forbidden to travel as a young boy. His parents had said that perverts frequented the woods and that there were patches of quicksand there, too.. He felt safe to use the path as an adult and it cut the distance he would... Sign in to see full entry.

Is Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez crazy or just plain stupid? He must know the eventual fate of world leader’s like Cuba’s Castro, North Korea’s nutty dwarf dictator Kim Jung Il, Iraq’s Saddam Hussein, Nicaragua’s Noriega, Germany’s Hitler, the entire Soviet Union, Islamic terrorist Bin Laden, etc. etc. etc. If we haven’t publicly rubbed their noses in shit yet, we certainly will. We, the United States of America, are undisputedly the biggest, baddest, most dangerous gang of arrogant thugs history has... Sign in to see full entry.