Guy's blog about life with pets in northern mich.

Some people were gathered at a guardrail overlooking the Grand Canyon. One handsome young man was periodically looking over the railing into the abyss and looking at his watch. He told his friend, “It’s almost time, only two more minutes until I can show you the neatest trick you’ve ever seen!” “What are you talking about?” his friend asked. “Each day at exactly 7:43AM the sun hits the west side of this canyon, creating an extremely strong upwelling of wind that pushes into this V-shaped cleft... Sign in to see full entry.

A couple visited a sex therapist because after a ten-year marriage their intimate encounters had become boring and therefore unsatisfying. After answering all the doctor’s questions, role-playing, role reversals, etc. for several hours, the therapist told them that their problem was that their sex lives had become routine and predictable. “First, you need to change the location of your encounters. The bedroom should be off limits except for sleeping. Pick places that you had never had sex... Sign in to see full entry.

If I were making as much money as the Australian news correspondent for CNN “Michael something”, the guy with the nose that points at his left cheek, I would use some of it to have my nose put back in the center of my face. I’ve always heard that they (Australians) are enthusiastic brawlers but I hope never to get on the wrong side of the lefty that rearranged his face. It takes all my concentration to hear what he is saying while I’m looking at him on CNN. If he were told to “follow your nose,”... Sign in to see full entry.

Ivy treated herself, D.J. and Marilyn to supper at our favorite Chinese restaurant yesterday by raiding her piggy bank account. When she visited her male parent, next door to us to let him know he could accompany them, he was with an even lazier, more worthless friend and his daughter, Hunter. This thirty something year old friend has been gainfully employed less than a month total, in his whole leeching life. His wife works but he tried it, didn’t like it and swore off work for life. His... Sign in to see full entry.

A man had been very sick and getting sicker for more than two weeks and was bedridden and weak as a kitten. He had been unable to keep food down for most of that time. From his bedroom he smelled the aroma of baking chocolate-chip cookies, his favorite food! He called weakly to his wife but either because of his distance from the kitchen or the volume of his voice, she couldn’t hear him. Desperate for nourishing food that he could retain, he rolled from his bed and hit the floor painfully. After... Sign in to see full entry.

Last week some predominantly Muslim country declared that anyone found to have been involved in making pornography would suffer the death penalty! Alcohol is strictly prohibited in Muslim communities; people who commit adultery are stoned to death. A six-year-old boy was strapped into a suicide vest and told to go up to a police officer and push the triggering button. His curiosity about why he was wearing explosives saved his life because he asked the cop about it. The Vatican says that if you... Sign in to see full entry.

A duck hunter didn’t have a boat and retriever but he was hunting in a deep south county that was sprinkled with ponds and potholes. He tried sneaking up to the water through tall grass, cattails and woods hoping to flush any ducks that were on the water. He missed a couple of very long shots when they flushed out of range. All morning he tried this and the ducks all eluded him. As he trudged back to his truck dejectedly, hot, thirsty, tired and empty handed, he heard a “quack” overhead and... Sign in to see full entry.

It is Saturday morning and I’m up before seven and wondering why. When I was a snot-nosed kid, I would awaken at the crack of noon, roll over and sleep another couple of hours. I don’t have a guilty conscience about anything, which I hear can make one lose sleep. Maybe I got up early because this is a grumble and bitch day. I think that must be it because I’m in a complaining mood. Yesterday, I was trying to read a Tom Clancy book and Marilyn and the brats were taking turns interrupting me just... Sign in to see full entry.

I know a man in my area named Dave Wright. I told him that I wished that I were given his name. He asked me why. I said that if it were true and I met an attractive lady, I would introduce myself by saying, “I’m Dave Wright but you can call me Mr. Wright!” He apparently had never thought of this but I’d be willing to bet that he used my line after that. Speaking of names again, I can imagine the country music duo “Big And Rich” meeting an attractive pair of ladies who weren’t big country music... Sign in to see full entry.

A farmer answered a knock on his door and found a man waiting to ask him if he planned to use a thick area covered with milkweed. This was in a pasture that was not being used, fallow land being rested for a year. He told the man that if he had a use for the milkweed he was welcome to it. Milkweed was a nuisance to him and would be plowed under anyway. The man thanked him and left in the direction of the pasture. Later the farmer noticed the man walking past his farm carrying two heavy pails of... Sign in to see full entry.