Guy's blog about life with pets in northern mich.

Three old men were sitting in a Florida park as was their daily custom. One told his friends that he had a doctor visit scheduled because of extreme constipation. He confided that he “hadn’t” for over a week, and was concerned enough to have things checked. One of the others said, “ I should have your problem! I haven’t for nearly three weeks! ” The third man said, “I should have your problems! Every morning, at 7:00AM I have a bowel movement, like clockwork!” His friends said, “Why Morty,... Sign in to see full entry.

Three clergymen and their wives were attending an inter-denominational conference in Las Vegas and decided to carpool together in one car. While driving through the mountains from Denver they failed to make the curve in a high mountain pass and plunged into the river hundreds of feet below. Moments later everyone was standing in line outside the “pearly gates.” St. Peter would have passed all the wives through the screening process quickly, but since the husbands were all clergy, he screened the... Sign in to see full entry.

I remembered one last “Genie” joke; I’ll tell it and never let the subject come up again. The whole thing hit the floor with a resounding thud. Nobody else has contributed a joke, so it was obviously a bad idea. Skipping ahead, (these jokes always start the same) with his first wish the man asks to be hated and reviled by half the people he meets. Curious but silent about this request, the Genie said, “It shall be so.” The man’s second wish was that he be beaten half to death by a mob of angry... Sign in to see full entry.

Having been stranded on a small island when their ship sank, three men spent years building shelter, learning to hunt and fish, make fire, and learning many ways to use coconuts, etc. They always scanned the horizon for ships, hoping to be rescued. One day while digging a fire pit, a brass bottle and the Genie it contained was unearthed. (unsanded?) Each man was promised his fondest wish, something that seems to be customary among Genies upon being freed from bottles. Genies must be put in... Sign in to see full entry.

I just had an idea that I’m going to run past the denizens of Blogitville. Everyone has heard at least one “Genie in a brass bottle joke,” there must be dozens of them out there. Let’s find out how many there are! I’ll tell you mine, you tell yours, and eventually we’ll know them all. I already know two; a gay couple (men) was walking a beach at the wave line, when they saw the top of a brass bottle uncovered by a wave and they pulled it out of the sand. They wiped the sand off and were... Sign in to see full entry.

Writer’s block. No it’s not a literary enclave in Greenwich Village, it’s a dreaded condition known only to those who face a blank sheet of paper or computer screen or composition pad with a time constraint and no idea of what to write. A deadline, either self-imposed or scheduled by others, is the only thought occupying the mind of the frustrated writer. TICK TOCK! Urgency to produce something, defeats the creative process. It’s like being a famous inventor and being challenged to invent... Sign in to see full entry.

D.J. came back from today’s yard sale foray with a treasure he was so proud of, that he just had to show me, immediately after coming through the door. He had his hands clasped by his throat to conceal the treasure that he wanted me to see. I don’t understand the thought processes of children, either. After he had teased me enough and could tell that I was desperate to find out what he hadn’t allowed me to see, he revealed it to me. Around his neck he wore a newly acquired “graveyard necklace”... Sign in to see full entry.

Yesterday Marilyn came home with another yard sale “BUY!” It was a pair of $100.00+ boots, for me. Worn once, she paid $5.00! I bought a $2.00 pair of laces to make them a completely new pair of $100.00+ boots that cost us $7.00! No matter how many times I patiently try to explain to Marilyn that expenditures like this are the only acceptable use of the pittance, (make that “allowance”) I lavish on her,……. except for the purchase of food that I like. She will probably never get it. She seems to... Sign in to see full entry.

I installed the air conditioner in the living room window yesterday. I guess that means that summer is officially here. Mosquitoes are driving the deer out of the woods and into the fields. A couple days ago three deer were looking through our window at us. If you don’t have TV, watching the strange humans through the square glass thing, is the closest thing to it. A reality show for deer to enjoy. No volume control, no remote, and only one channel but we are still pretty interesting to watch.... Sign in to see full entry.

Marilyn fixed the kids some, “Banana smoothies,” a banana and some milk, run through a blender, set on “Ruin!” Marilyn knows that I like vanilla ice cream; therefore, she doesn’t buy it. “HA! HA! Kids! For once you have to do without something, because of me! HA-HA-HA-HA!-HA! The feeling of POWER! A milk smoothie! Yuck! You guy’s are very lucky that I don’t like, ‘Kix, The Vampire-pirate-rabbit Breakfast of Thugs Cereal ’ or Grandma wouldn’t buy that, either!” When Ivy had finished drinking, as... Sign in to see full entry.